What's your guilt that makes you feel dirty, ashamed, and not human?

I hear people say that they regret the things the never did, but all the things I regret were actions.

I'm not going to regurgitate my past, if you really want to know you can look at old posts (most has everything), but I'm asking a request. Now that we are here in a modestly anonymous place to make me feel less alone.

I want to pool the shame and not be able to lie in my own self-pity because I know I have been bad but not evil. I want to be shot down by your burden which I know must be heavier, and maybe even hear of you overcoming it.

Thank you

 

I've done alot of dumb things in my life, but I can't honestly say I regret any of them.
Because thanks to my mistakes I have learned valueable lessons today.
The things you do mold you into who you are, both the good and the bad.
And although sometimes thinking about them bothers us, dwelling on the negativity, and the past isn't going to make the future any brighter.
I like to think of it this way, we don't have a time machine.
So we learn from our wrongs, and we move on.

 

Maybe you should talk to some murderers in prison... I dunno, there are things I've done that still make me cringe when I think about them. And it's not that they're - as you say - evil things, really. Sometimes just very thoughtless and sometimes mean things in the heat of anger. The way I cope is to say to myself: It's done, there's nothing I can do to change it, but I don't have to do that sort of thing again. And I can sincerely apologize to people I'm still in contact with, if need be.

Or sometimes, I take the attitude my spirit guide sometimes takes - she says, "Yeah, I was fun." The bottom line is: What else can you do? "Go thou, and sin no more."

 

those in murderers in prison I don't think are really living, not in the same way you and I are. They are locked and caged and controlled. They can't regress into old habits because they are literally unable to do so. I guess they have to breath and think and survive with it but I can't imagine it's the same as our freedom.

I guess right now I feel extra dirty because I am sort of courting a 14 year girl and I feel guilty that I was recently expelled for my behavior in college and am on mood stabilizers and diagnosed with bipolar II and she knows none of this of course. and in my exile I'm getting obsessed and somedays are so nice and others are so bad that I feel i might wake up in a place with things I don't want.

But as I was saying earlier I could ask to be asylumed but in a way then i died, I couldn't make it out her in the fresh air with all the noises and the people laughing. and in some ways I'd be dead.

 

I once ate bovine testicles (pan fried with garlic butter)..but seriously, I'm ashamed of this, I emasculated a bull. I just know that some where there is a pissed off Unich bull waiting to gore me in the ass and trample me for eating his balls...scares the shit out of me thinking about it.

 

Nothing, actually. I've never done anything that bad, in all honesty.

 

Noo, actually, I said something pretty awful to my mum when I was pissed that I will regret for the rest of my life

 

I know it’s not easy but you have to avoid liaisons with underage girls.

Well into my 20s and now into my mid-30s I look much younger than I actually am and I’ve been propositioned twice by 14 year old girls.

Both of my encounters required an incredible amount of will power to resist which included this one girl who walked up to me wearing a really short skirt and casually made certain I was aware she wasn’t wearing any panties

Even though I was minding my own business just raking leaves in the front yard; as an adult I would be held accountable for my actions even though she did everything necessary to instigate the encounter.

My only guilt is whacking off a million times until that image of her smiling while bending over faded


Hotwater

 

I am 100% with hotwater on the subject of the 14-year-old girl. Just. Don't. Do it. That kind of trouble you do not need. Don't feel bad about wanting it - there's no point feeling bad. Just give it up. It might hurt like hell to give it up, but the pain won't last.

Learning to live with pain without doing anything self-destructive or antisocial is part of the road to emotional maturity. God knows I'm getting plenty of those lessons myself... Hang in there, and check in here at the forum again if you need to vent.

 

im a horrible person with a bluesy past of being abused raped and shamed
i went first to a mental hospital
then i looked toward sex
then another mental hospital
then acid and coke
now i just smoke pot and play guitar
guitar is my outlet
and yeah im trying to right the wrong in my life
most of the shit that happen probably involved my partaking in it
and id like to say
sorry

 

No.

You are not.

Some things happened to you that you couldn't control.

And you made some choices that hurt you and possibly others in the long run, because you were too inexperienced to realize what you were doing to yourself or to other people.

I have tears in my eyes for you right now. You need to forgive yourself and let go of the shame and guilt, and realize that you're a worthwhile person who has something to give to others.

Don't apologize. Give love and forgiveness to others who are burdened as you've been, and you'll soon realize that you have an important role to serve in this world.

 

thanks and namaste