I'm kind of worried about future breeding w/ my gf.

The girl I dated in HS was my first love, we even grew up together as little kids and started dating when I was 16. When I turned 19 and we started talking about getting married, in a few years, I started thinking real hard about life with her.
It turned out I did not want to marry and have children with her, while she was an extrordinary woman considering her immediate family I had thoughts of genetic issues, maybe nieve ones since I was only 19. Her parents were divorced, her father was a drunk and in and out of jail, her mother was a loose bar fly, her sister had 5 kids by 5 different men, her brother was in prison for drugs, her other brother tried to rape her and did her sister, so I was a little concerned what our children might inherit.
Remarkably she was a rock, she told me is was from being around me and my family that help her maintain a normal life.
But, I also realized I would not just be marrying her, but into her family. We split on good terms as she wanted to get married soon and I didn't, however I never told her "all" the reasons why. Saw no reason to hurt her as it was my problem, not hers.

She's married with five kids now, she only wanted the two she and I had taked about, but her husband is a bit weird. A couple of the kids are a handful but overall everything seems fine, time will tell. But, her and her husband have to constantly be involved with her families on going saga of crazyness.

Last time she and I talked she said she wished we'd gotten married and move away from her family but she knew I would not leave mine behind.

Overall I think I made the right choice, she has regrets but seems content to deal with her life as it is.
So, if in your mind you have doubts, listen to them, you're trying to tell yourself something. You may be able to come to terms with everything, but give it a lot of thought.

BTW, I had no issue with the breeding comment, I took it as it was meant.

 

Go have a child with a psychotic alcoholic then come back and repost. Love doesn't mean shit when you're talking about wanting to have a happy and healthy child.

 

Look, Up in the Sky!

The Perfect Woman is on Her way!

*Whoosh Sound Effects*

 

yea pretty well. All I meant was that there are people out there with bad genes, like psychological problems and addictions that one wouldn't want handed down to their child. These people, imo, would not make great mates. With this in mind I don't feel that feelings or love have anything to do with wanting a happy and healthy child with a good (genetically speaking) partner. However if one feels that their partner would make a bad parent (but has not genetic problems) then yea, that seems a little fascist. But I would be quite picky if I was specifically looking for a woman to bare me a child.

 

My first son was born to a mother that had cancer, she was getting treatments while pregnant. Shit happens. My son is deaf in one ear and partially blind in one eye... he couldnt have a better life in Hawaii with his uncle.. And to think them Pigs wanted her to abort.. Fuck1!

 

The problem is, OP is obviously thinking about this subject. So it has past the time that it's just a relationship and he's thinking about the future now, or at least that's what I took from him. If he is in there for the relationship, then the subject of children wouldn't be that big of an issue. If it's become such an issue that he comes to HF for advice or even to hear people's opinions on the matter, then he's probably already having these thoughts of children with her or adopting or leaving the relationship.

Personally, I believe that it's 1/3 nature 2/3 nurture (yeah the ole "nature vs nurture" debate). Genetics does impose some limits, but it doesn't box you in. Life can be how you make it. If these limits by genetics are really frightening to you, adoption is a great choice as there are already so many unloved children whose lives you can change.

@lunaverse: I am engaged to a guy whose family has some "craziness" in it, autism, "slowness" (unknown if it's retardation or the kids' parental upbringing), overweight, high blood pressure. I have alcoholism, cancer, high blood pressure, and despression on my side of the family and I myself have had high blood pressure, depression (I'm still struggling but slowly overcoming), and an anxiety disorder. I do plan on having at least one kid of my own before (and if I am able to) adopting. In every family there are genetic shortcomings. It's how you deal with those shortcomings that can change the life of a kid from having a life run of genetics or turning this mishaps of genetics into an obstacle overcome.

 

I've seen a couple of comments here along the lines of, well if a person has issues that would make them unfit to be a parent, then it makes sense to not breed (oh my god I didn't just say that word did I ) them...

Makes me curious...

If you are choosing partners (whether for sex, short term relationship or even 'close friendships') that you don't think would be a fit parent to your child, then you have more issues then the person in question.

Why in the world would you put your dick into someone (or let someone put their dick into you), if you feel that way about them?

 

well because the sexual act and the idea of bearing a child together are (thankfully) two VERY separate things. Can you fuck someone and not love them? Yes, because they're two separate issues. Same idea with sex and child bearing.

 

Of course you can fuck someone with out it being a relationship or having a child....

That isn't the point. Whether you want to fuck someone one time, fuck them for years, or marry them, the same criteria should apply.

Notice I said should apply, and not it does apply... Many, many people disagree with this...

These forums are filled with those people, whining about what a shitty date they just had, or how the person they thought they trusted enough to have sex with turned on them....

 

Expectations are premeditated resentments.