At this point I must backtrack a bit, as there is an important story that happened when I was 12 that contributed heavily into my negative views. In the sixth grade a girl at my school had a very large Halloween party. It also happened to be the first party I had been invited to, so I was very excited. The entire house and yard were decorated and set up with haunted tunnels, dance floors, etc. The girls' grandmother agreed to do mock psychic readings for the kids. For the most part the party was lame, so before I left I decided to check out the psychic. As I stood in line I listened to people as they exited say things like "She said i would be a doctor" or "She said I would marry so so." Needless to say, I had very low expectations. As I entered she sat behind a table in an elaborate robe. She asked me to show her my palms. Her eyes grew wide as she studed my hands, then she said "You have very strange life lines." She studied them more before explaining. "You're lifelines are the shortest I've seen. Apparently around the age of 24 or 25 you will either die, or become something else entirely." She also explained that I had multiple lifelines, but did not describe how this was possible. She then looked me in the eyes, while still holding my hands, and said "[my name], they will tell you not to, all those you care about. Everyone will tell you not to do it, but you have to, no matter what [my name], you have to." Then it was done. (The time she referred to as my death would be 2011-2012) I recounted this story to the more powerful psychic in more recent times. She studied my hands extensively and confirmed what the other psychic had said, but she did not agree with the dying aspect. She said that I, like everything else, is just going to change. I asked how, and she replied, "It's just going to be different....." then she stared off for a moment, shook her head, and said "But you're not going to die. Moving on..." She did tell me the multiple lifelines meant I had a choice on what path to choose, and that the split would surmount in or around 2012. Whenever I did ask her about 2012, and trust me it came up often, she was very reluctant to talk about it. Once she mentioned something about the pope, and another time she mentioned a war, but she would never go in to detal or answer many questions. I visited her 3 times over a couple years' time, and never did I feel frightened by what she might tell me. She was very matter of fact, but was careful that her words weren't misunderstood. For instance, once I asked her how she was able to see, and she began to describe vibrations. She stated that within each dimension, or level, of vibration, there was a certain amount of understanding. So the first level might be the self, the second might be those who surround and shape you, and the third might be the world as a whole, leaving the 4th to be understanding semantics of existence and the 5th to be progression of time. But the way she described the process, it was different depending on who was going through it, as to what they understood in what order. She was a tremendous help in me developing my abilities, admittedly not to the same extent, to the point where I could almost seamlessly filter through information and seekout what I desired (which is how she described what she did, she filtered through all the information and focused on what it was she was looking for). She made mention of the akashic records several times.
I have a theory which may be of interest to you. although I may be unable to shed light specifically onto your destiny, I may be able to provide insight which may cause some things to click. Most people absorb and radiate energies at roughly the same rate. typically, these radiations happen roughly simultaneously and in relatively close proximity. However, you may be a conduit for particular energies that take no regard of time or space, essentially making your mind an energy bridge between two rather different energy producing environments, perhaps even totally different planes of existence. this anomaly has made you a subject of great interest among those things rarely seen. If I'm right, this places you in a very unique position. PM me. I would very much like to talk one-on-one with you.
As I have told the tales of my upbringing that brought me to desire a deeper knowledge of my own existence, I can now explain how and why I sought to kill myself. Scary? No, for as I realized, the desire to kill oneself is ignored by most of the population as it is so dearly frowned upon. The problem is, most assume it is a matter killing the body. However, there are various forms of death including death of the ego/self. At first I pained so much I wanted to kill my physical body When I was younger I always felt like I wanted to get out of this place. The thought always comes along with killing the physical body. This is because we are born out of the physical and therefore have trouble thinking beyond the physical. As I spent so much time with this thought of wanting to leave, I began to realize that I merely wanted to get out of this place, away from myself and who I had become. I never cared much for drugs until my close friends in college decided to pick up the habit. I only stuck with a more natural approach (weed, mushrooms, and salvia). Before i ever tried anything I did extensive research into the history and chemical composition of all 3. The fact that shamans since the dawn of man have taken these drugs to enlighten themselves interested me the most (I got the idea from a Joseph Campbell book). Several times I took mushrooms before the time of my death. A very close friend had visited from out of town. He was a very spiritual person and I felt we could endure a good mental journey together. After hours spent discussing existence, life, and love, we laid back in the grass to look up into the clear blue sky. I began to see wonderful patterns laid out in front of me and through me. At one instant I came to the conclusion that life was not real, that none of this was real. I insisted that we return to my apartment so I could leave this world. I went home and smoked an enormous amount of cannabis by myself (my friend would not take part). I then went into my room, turned off the lights, and concentrated on leaving. I repeated it, I begged for it, and before i knew it, i was dead. I was no longer in my body, nor was I breathing. I was wide awake in a very dark, compressed space. I could still, in a sense, feel my body, but I could not see it. I spent upwards of 5-6 minutes in this existence outside of reality. I know this because I never lost my cognitive thought process, I was only motionless and without reality around me. It scared me so much to think that this was all that could be after life. During this time I longed to see my family, friends, and to live again. I finally begged to be brought back to life, to return, and I promised I would do whatever was necessary. In one long, drawn out breath I sat up in my bed, returned to the physical world. For almost 6 months after that night I went insane. This started my phase of atheism and strong depression that led me through some dark times. I began to question the origin of every thought and emotion I possessed or created. The experience erased every former belief system I had, and made every memory I'd previously experienced seem like a dream. I felt as if the person I was literally died and that I was somewhat of a walking dead person, a stranger coming alive in an unknown life. But even though I hit some of the lowest points in my life, it lead me to grow more than I ever thought possible. I should comment that before this death I was an ultra-conservative Christian who thought people of other religions and sexualities would burn in hell. I was very close-minded and also very angry, at the world and at myself. I hated my family and interacted very little with them. I acted selfishly, and lied quite a bit. The death of the first me brought about a new world of understanding, of love for my life and my family. It made me finally give thanks everyday for what I have, and not focus so much on who gave it to me or how it was given. It made me realize that it shouldn't be about me rather than about those that shape me. I now focus my attention towards others, helping those around me to smile, to learn, and to progress towards a greater understanding. I empathize for people, and try to understand every person through their own life, even those trapped in their own prisons. I love everyone and all of you, because we are each other a part of life as a whole. Such is the process of understanding life: 1st the self, 2nd the people, 3rd the world. Separated by Death, which is not to be feared.....ever. For it is half of the process of growing. thanks for listening
Thank YOU, Guardian, for taking all this time and effort to tell your story. It is truly fascinating and absorbing. I don't really know what to say about it, but it gives me a lot to think and wonder about. What kinds of psychic experiences or knowledge do you get at this point in your life? Do you get any kinds of random psychic insights or visions? Can you get any kind of psychic knowledge deliberately? I see that your experience primarily seems to be a spiritual experience, but I'm just wondering how, if at all, your spiritual walk manifests psychic insights.
It's difficult to describe anything referred to as "Psychic." The word has so many connotations that most are put off by it. When I was younger I could always read people very well. I could feel someone's essence, even determine what month they were born in. I've had brief interactions with telekinetic abilities. I've moved things with my mind before, stopped chemtrails and dispersed them (my mother taught me as a child to put holes in clouds, she said I did it without even thinking), etc. But all those, to me, seemed to be a boy with abilities he didn't yet understand. In the past year I have developed a sound sense within all of these so-called "abilities." Reality is shaped by consciousness. That big lesson took me quite a bit of time to wrap my head around. But the same way that religions make the statement "ask you and you will receive" you can literally create situations and opportunities into being. By focusing your mind, energy, and thought to not how something will happen, but merely that it will happen. This actually helped me to broaden my spectrum of understanding. See something as the idea of it, as opposed to the physical representation of it. Ponder the idea of it. Because since reality is formed by our thoughts, we are in essence the creators. Very ill-informed creators, but creators nonetheless. Microcosms of a bigger, self-replicating, idea producing machine called life.
Yeah, you've got it. What you've described is how I see things exactly, and the book I'm writing covers those ideas - but it seems like you're deeper into the experience than I am - and I like the way you describe it. I've given some serious thought in the last couple days to the way you pleaded "let me out of here." I'm wondering if I can do that... I'm wondering if you can tell me if that's a possibility for me - or something about my spiritual path. I guess I'm asking for something like a reading from you - what sense you have of me, and whether I can deepen my understanding and experience the way you did or in some other way.
Private message me, zengizmo, with questions and information about yourself. Think about one question before you message me: What are you?
Actually it's very interesting...last night I got a major insight into my life and spiritual path beyond this lifetime...and it's not an overly flattering picture...seems like I was probably a fairly evil dude or dudette at some point in my incarnations, and the residue of that is still in me. Thanks for the response. I will PM you.
Before my first Death, I had many demons haunting me. They came in different shapes, forms, and situations, trying all the time to harm and/or distract me. When I say demon I do not necessarily imply demons of any specific religion or aspect. When I say demon I mean any entity that seeks to draw power from us in order to survive. Some choose to feed specifically off of one emotion more than the rest throughout their life and beyond. There are many that seem to be trying to "steal" our energy and memories. My demons generally came for me in my sleep, which I assume is the most vulnerable part of the day for me. As a very young child, my mother said I complained of aliens taking me away at night, and of spirits visiting me in my sleep. I don't recall much of those early dreams, but as I aged I began to have much more vivid and disturbing dreams. While my mother was teaching me to fly in my dreams, I was still being attacked constantly by various demons in my dreams. The lessons my mother was teaching me about controlling dreams at first helped me to escape these demons, but later on I taught myself how to defeat them. When I would awake from these nightmares, I was generally in a state of paralysis. Sleep paralysis, as they call it, was a very painful, horrible experience for me. I would always have a burning sensation inside myself, as if my soul, not body, was on fire. I would see dark figures at the foot of my bed, heads of demons in the dark, or feel the presence of an evil feminine power. Only after praying for several minutes could I alleviate these ailments. At least until the first death.
Once I had returned from the abyss (the best word to describe), my perceptions had completely changed. Every memory up to that point seemed vague and unreal. My body felt different. I could feel certain operations within my body and mind that I had never noticed before. The nature of a person seemed to throw itself at me, and my meditation practices seemed to accelerate. My dreams became so realistic that I began to doubt the reality I was born into. Whether the Death experience brought about these changes, I cannot say. It feels as if this murder of the ego brought about the rebirth of a new, more in-tune me. Regardless, I could put myself into a state during meditation that allowed me to see my body like an xray, focus my mind on a specific life problem and solve it, or determine entities that were nearby. One time specifically I saw 7 different individuals, ancestors, I believe, there to protect me for the night. Most times, however, there was always a dark man leaning in the corner. The man, as he told me in one session, was in a way there to protect me. But the way he described, it seemed like he was there to take over if I wasn't there. He felt more like an opposite polarity of myself, rather than a pure, powerful being. He had faults as I did/do, but with my improvements came his improvements. It was an interesting experience, and after that, I did not notice him as often. He in a way seemed to become part of me. My dreams faded for a while after the death experience, but when they returned the demons also returned to try and derail me. What had changed, though, was my ability to stop them. I suddenly became immune to their tortures. One dream in particular a giant flying serpent with a lion's head came from the sky to kill me. I in turn faced it in a field and ripped open it's jaws. So the first dreams included me fighting and defeating these beasts, as I had become invincible. Then the dreams progressed to me simply making fear-mongering entities of such disappear completely. My dreams then progressed from nightmares to profound visions of the universe, in which I am in control of. In the first dream of its' kind, I arrived in a coastal city being attacked by a giant black helicopter creature. The people told me to hide, yet I simply flew into the sky, grabbed the creature, and threw it to the ground, destroying it. I then landed on the tallest building with my legs hanging over and pondered. I thought for several minutes on the size of the city, how I had come there, and even noticed people walking on the beach far off. I realized I had come here consciously, so I walked inside the building to begin talking to people. At this point I awoke. After that my dreams progressed to visiting other planets, where they seem to be right now.
