teen love?? myth

i'm 16 years old and have never had a boyfriend.this due to the fact that i wont jump into bed with every guy in my class.so i'm wondering....
are there genuine guys out there?
will i find someone to love and be loved by in my near future?
does teen love even exist?
or am i doomed to be lonely forever,or stuck with men void of any true insight and depth?

sadly the last question seems most prominent.

 

Uh... Yeah, all of us guys are pretty much the same.

If "void of insight and depth" is how you describe us, then I suggest that you go buy some cats you doomed sexist.

 

Hey hon,

You're a little young to be so jaded. Relax, you have so much time ahead of you. Not all guys are alike any more than all girls are. And really, most guys your age, especially the really loud, confident and noticeable ones, are pretty immature yet. (Edit: Loud, brash, confident young men tend to be a lot more trouble than they're worth and best avoided).

Don't rush to jump into bed with anyone, never mind everyone. It's actually -not- an effective way to get a bf, at all. At your age it tends to be a good way to guarantee you won't get a serious bf for quite a while. No matter how much it seems like everyone is doing it, odds are good that most of them are lying. And regardless, you do what you want to.

Since having a bf is your interest, and having sex is not(for some girls it's actually the other way around, though they're unlikely to admit it), I suggest patience. There's no need for you to find Mr Right at age 16. Flirt, make friends, go on a date or 2. If a guy pressures you for sex, it might be best to end it right there. Because once he's pressured you once, he's unlikely to stop.

However, if things last with a guy, and mutual attraction builds naturally, and flirtation moves to making out, moves to intimate touching... Even if you are uncertain it is love, if the desire is there, there's honestly nothing wrong with following it either.

Follow your heart, do what feels right, don't bow to pressure, but keep an open heart. Odds are good that some boys will surprise you. I've found them to be, as a group, just as likely to have true insight and depth, deep feeling and sensitivity, as women. They just don't tend to be quite as good at showing it.

 

if you fucked every guy in your class you probably wouldn't have a boyfriend either.

most guys are genuine. they sometimes act different around women because women like guys who play games.

how are these the only options? are you going to be a teen forever? if not, you could eventually find someone even if teen love doesn't exist.

i'm sure you won't be lonely forever, but with your shitty attitude you will probably be stuck with shitty guys.

 

This part is silly. Women don't like guys who play games any more than guys like women who play games. It's just that people who play games are sometimes better at appearing to be whatever any particular person wants, or playing on their conscious/unconscious desires, and are therefor sometimes better at appearing attractive. Especially in HS/college.

Most people, in general, show a limited amount of 'genuine-ness' in dealing with members of the opposite sex they are attracted to. Sad but true. Everyone tries to put whatever they think is they're best foot forward. Not to mention that each is also trying to impress their other peers. Particularly guys are trying to impress other guys and girls other girls. So dynamics in HS are really convoluted. Everything's under scrutiny, it's like life under a microscope. Hard to be genuine when your every action is under evaluation.

Underwear, you sound like you have an inordinate degree of hostility in this matter.

 

Love exists everywhere at all times. Do not think in the contexts of 'teen love' 'man woman love' etc. Love is everywhere at all times waiting to be accepted. As for whether or not you will meet a decent guy, no one could possibly know the answer to that. However if you are a good, decent person and conduct yourself in a good, respectful manner, you will meet a decent guy who respects you. The world is a reflection of yourself. You get back and receive exactly what you put into it. For many years I was a very sad, angry, bitter person, and my world reflected that. I got back exactly what I put in, met bad people, never found love, etc. Create your world and the rest will follow.

 

i have an inordinate degree of hostility in many matters.

 

See... I've heard this sort of thing said many times. But I've never really entirely bought it. There are some serious flaws in it. I mean, if a child is attacked, is hurt, is abused, is this some reflection of what s/he has put into the world? I mean, perhaps we can talk about past lives in this notion, to explain why hurtful things happen to the otherwise innocent people. I don't know.

I do know that what you put into the world has a huge -effect- on what you receive from it. A positive, loving, trusting and trustworthy, respectful and decent manner will get you a lot farther in the world than the reverse. There are never any guarantees, but outlook does affect outcome.

 

I would say that Autumnbreeze gave you the best insight here.

However, some of your questions elicit the old grampa in me to comment.

You're 16. That does not last forever, or to those of us with many decades, even a very near future.

I only had crushes and fantasies during HS, no girlfriend. In fact my first girlfriend was when I was 20, after joining the Air Force and while stationed in Turkey.

So, take it easy girl.

 

One has to always remeber that 'you' yes you, or the rest of mankind. If someone is murdered it is because to kill is human nature. No that child did nothing to solicit that event, of course not. But you can't forget that in the world there are pieces of the human experience. In every single one of us there is a murderer, a woman, a man, the anima and animus, there is peace, there is hate, there is love, there is life, there is death, there is jealousy, etc. These things also manifest into living breathing human beings. Nature repeats itself, for every archetype there is many human counterparts. There is murder in human beings, therefore there are human beings who murder, there is love in human beings therefore there are humans who love. Can you see what I'm saying?

 

"you get back what you give" is easily prove-able. Go into,for example,a grocery store and when you start to check out,do so with a big smile and ask how his/her day is going. What happens is pretty predictable and what you've given will be returned in kind. Shuffle up to the same checker next time with your head down,say nothing and the differance will be markedly differant.

 

Ha, exactly! I've actually done exactly that at a local grocery store when I was trying this idea out for myself. 9 times out of 10 you will have a near mirror response of your own actions.

 

Cool! I agree with what you said about we humans having all the characteristics of all other humans. I look at it like picturing a disco ball(silly,eh?) with all its shiny little facets ,as akin to the myriad characteristics in all of us. Each little facet correspoding to a type of human behaviour such as the capacity to love,to kill to hate ,to feel empathy,etc with each characteristic manifested according to nature,the circumstances at hand and especially nurture. Those unfortunately born with "bad wiring" will also unfortunately show the worst in us. Those are the ones we need to be able to distinguish easily and early,if we value our skin.

 

To add: I certainly thought I was in love in high school,but it was probably teen lust.

 

There have been many occasions I have treated people with kindness and gentleness and been responded with anger and hurtfulness. It is true that it is less common in this circumstance though.

I'd say 'you get back what you give' is a tendency, not a rule.

 

Frankly? No. I actually had trouble following exactly what you were trying to say, never mind what it had to do with the point at hand.

I mean, yes, I can see there is every impulse in every person. And that there is something of every human in each. What this has to do with the conversation is unknown to me though. So because somewhere in the heart of a child there is a murderer, it proves that a child's murder doesn't go against the 'you get what you give' principle? I really don't follow.

Again, I do see that principle in action, but I believe it remains a tendency, not a rule. Random things do happen. One must learn to roll with them. But if patterns start emerging, like a continuous streak of bad people in your life, that's when change of action seems important.

 

Perseverance always gets results for me. Some folks are just argumentative always pissed and bull -headed tho and that's the way it is. You can't win 'em all.

 

Well, I am sorry if it seems I'm picking a fight needlessly. I'm not trying to. It simply feels to me that giving such a blanket statement about life, especially to a young person, can be very easily misread.

'You always get what you give', heard by someone who's gotten some pretty bad stuff recently(as it seems the op may have), might sound to some like an accusation. On one level it is a good piece of advice, and an encouragement to stay hopeful. But the same words taken differently sound like "if something's gone wrong, you're really the one to blame". And I've seen this get taken this way. In fact I've seen it -used- this way, to trivialize another's distress. I know you didn't intend it this way, but it really can come across that way.

I don't know. I'm probably nitpicking needlessly, so I'll wander off.

 

I wasn't refering to you at all. No harm. "you get what you give" can be used the other way and correctly so ,sometimes. I had a work partner that was a "self-made" miserable son of a bitch and was always looking at any issue on the negative side. He wondered why people thought he was a prick and also he wondered why he could never get women interested in him. So I told him just what we're talking about, but he never did get it. I finally cut him out of my life completely--I'm too old to put up with that BS. So again--you can't win 'em all.

 

Yeah, it can work pretty well the other way.

But it can be a little tricky to judge where a person is at, and what they've been offering by one statement they make. I mean there have been times in my life where all was going well, and I was in a very giving space, and was suddenly thrown a curve ball. And particularly when I was younger, it sometimes shook me up. When a I was little less prepared for the strange twists and turns of life; for the feelings of sudden betrayal that arise when the naive expectation that if I was to simply offer goodwill, goodwill is all I would get in return, is shattered.

Because what you give is -not- all you get. And sometimes, the dark feelings, the bitterness, the anger and distress that people show, arises out of that. Arises out of that sense of betrayal, out of the knowledge that no matter how pleasant, how kind, how loving you are, the world is still going to hurt you.

And acceptance of that seems an important aspect of life. And although it is true, very true, that what you give has more effect on what you get than any other thing, it isn't the only thing. And telling people that it is will never reach those who are feeling betrayed, who are feeling hurt, who are feeling afraid, who are feeling left out. They've had recent proof that it's not true. Both elements come into play.

Acceptance and forgiveness are needed before hope has a home. And hope is needed in order to have something of value to give. And giving is vital to happiness, for the individual and for society as a whole.