The sting of guilt

I usually don't feel bad for many things that I do, but this one kills me. I've never told anyone. A month after I turned 17 my dad died, and on the day of his funeral everyone went back to my mother's house to talk and eat. My girlfriend and I were hanging out in the basement and she felt quite bad, although she had never really known him that well. We had sex. This was probably the only thing she could think of to try and make me feel better. I still to this day feel guilty about doing this on the day that I should have been mourning and thinking of my father.

 

On the surface it does seem kinda fucked up and disrespectful, but turning to sex in a time of distress really is a natural human emotional reaction. I'm pretty sure your dad was probably giving you a big thumbs up from the other side.

 

People deal with grief in different ways, you never know how you will react, especially if it's a parent. Yes, having sex might not be the way everyone tries to cope, but that doesn't mean it's wrong.

 

I agree.

I had sex the day I found out my father died.
It felt weird, but then it felt good.
Knowing my father-he definitely gave me the big thumbs up.

 

Yea, that was the worst part, feeling guilty about feeling good afterwards. Humans have strange, complex emotions.

 

I'm sure your dad is OK with it.
Plus you can't change things now.
It will be something you never forget, but I believe you can think about it guilt-free.

 

Jezz man - you are way hard on yourself. You hurt no one and if it made you forget some of the stress and grief for a few minutes, then thank your girl friend and go on with your life. You did nothing wrong. It's not like you missed the funeral while you were banging a prostitute.
When my dad died I weaseled some tranqualizers and pain pills out of my doctor. Now that was bad.
Put it behind you man - I'm impressed by your thoughtfulness and kind heart.

 

Yeah ^^This

 

Yea, this was many years ago now. Thank you.

 

If I died, I would try to pull some spiritual strings for my 17-year-old son to have sex and be happy. That's a perfect way to deal with grief and to celebrate life. The dead get the better deal; it's the living who have the harder job of finding some way to deal with their loss.

In fact, I have just now decided that when I die, I want everybody to have sex as much as possible for at least a week. After that they can taper off, if it's too taxing.

(Hmmm, I'll bet a lot of people are looking forward to my death now...)

 

Ha! You're right, it may be.

 

So you've mourned all your life instead.

 

With you?

I don't know you that well.

 

I know. Ironic isn't it.

 

Well, just think of it as releasing some stress that of which i am sure you were under a lot of. So, don't beat yourself up. Forgive yourself

 

As an Ordained Minister I say you are absolved. Dude I had a close family friend die (almost an older brother) while I was in mourning I had my girlfriend at the time over and was having sex. I was in the middle of fucking her when the phone rang like a moron I answered thinking it would be somebody telling me of funeral plans. It was a telemarketer. I felt like a fucking moron. I am sure my buddy was laughing at my stupid ass.

Self flagellation is never a good thing. It simply prolongs the greiving process and holds you in that state until you can forgive yourself. Man you have been in a cell with an open door for years pacing and cursing the cell that you created for yourself not realising that you can walk out at any time. The thing is that the cell you have become accustomed to will still be there if you want to go back. The choice is yours.

Peace Out,
Rev J

 

Point taken.

 

How well do you need to know a corpse?

 

The question is are you still together?

Because If I were going to fuck some sleaze instead of mourning the loss of my best friend and hero; you’d better believe my intent would be marriage and house full of kids


Hotwater

 

What you did is not at all uncommon...theres even a crude term for it...a sympathy fuck. Its a normal human response, in the face of death you engaged in an act of procreation. It probably wasn't on you mind as that but I think sex is a deep-seated human response to death. On some level you were in touch with the most primal of human emotion. Count yourself as normal.