Leaving for

theres a difference between addiction and irresponsibility.

 

Good to hear everything is going well for you now! :cheers2:

 

Life is an amazing journey, I just had a dream I had two kids on the way. FUCK that would've ruined all of my plans, scary stuff, I wonder what that would represent?

 

A reminder that life won't always go according to our plans? Either that or you hate children.

 

Well I had a dream while sleeping in a squat a few days ago that I was covered in nob cheese and it was spreading everywhere like paint. I think that just meant I needed a shower. Although when I woke up I was a bit unsure as to whether it was a dream or not...a quick check confirmed it was a dream...sort of. All clean now though

 

Glad you are doing well. Keep it up!
I am 6 years clean from heroin, so If I can do it, you can too, from whatever it is you are addicted to.

 

Haha wtf is nob cheese?

 

sometimes dreams about children and birth represent new phases, transitions, creations in life

embrace whatever is to come
glad you are feeling on a good track, keep it up!
i can relate to some of your struggle.. i haven't had a drink since the end of march and i want to keep it that way.
hope that the ivy clears up!

 

no doubt, i was about as stupid, irresponsible, and just a straight up lying **** as one can be back when i was 15-16... hell im still an arrogant prick right now but im workin on it. not an addict, just an ass. and volcom thats great dude. NA was not for me but anything that helps a mother fucker get through the day is approved by me

 

^^i agree, i mean i tried out AA and realized it definitely wasn't for me. i think it actually would've made me worse
been over 3 months and i haven't looked back

 

amen. idk i respect NA/AA but i did everything i did, got my self out of my own mess, cleaned up my own shit, all while smoking bud, and im all the fucking happier for it. i mean i broke through to a higher plane of existance, im the happiest ive been in years, for the first time since i was 13 im off probation and im still getting as fucked up as ever. i didnt need theyre brand of spirituality i just needed time to figure shit out.

 

I have to agree, na did nothing for me! I hated it bc it was all this higher power stuff and the whole getting an sponsor and there was way too much triggering talk at the groups. I did much better without hearinga bout others using all the time, and where they scored their shit. I guess I found my own spirituality eventually but it wasnt what helped me get out of it. there were a lot of other factors like I didnt want to be on the street anymore, didnt want to be found dead from an overdose, things like that.

 

good luck to everyone in rehab situations

 

volcomstoner, was the 5 hit acid trip a "bad" one? is that what made you relapse or what?

sounds like you're doing good man.

 

The trip was the relapse. The trip was not a bad one by any means, just extremely intense. My friends only ate two of them at the time, one friend left for I'm not sure the length of time, was hard to tell . When it first started to hit, I was in my basement laying on a futon, while the other two were talking standing and every once in a while looking over at me. I was completely immobilized, I then watched my mind leave and I was completely gone. I came back momentarily and changed the CD, it was absolute insane fun. While the friend was gone though was when the reality of what was going on with me started taking place. I was FUCKED up. So I started to notice that I was coming in and out, at one point I was standing in my kitchen staring off into somewhere that wasn't a kitchen, my friend Joe nervously said, "Don't stare too long.." I replied, "Don't....stare...to.long?" I kept coming in and out, at one point, still while my other friend Mike was gone, we sat on the couch and he watched me come and go. When I came back I would say, "Thank you man, you have no idea how much this means to me that you're here." He'd reply, "Oh it's no problem man, you're alright." ..................... "Seriously man thank you for being here man..........."
Mike apparently left to go buy some PermaFrost, a strain of headies that was around, we didn't know what the fuck happened to him, his stuff was still there, his hoody and shit was on the ground, looked like he disappeared.
I'm skipping around a bit here, oh well, before I knew Mike left I was "gone" in my room, I came "back" and went out into my living room where Joe was freaking out looking around, I interrogated, "What the Fucks going on?!!" "I don't know man, Mikes gone."
Joe was worried about me the whole trip after I ate my other 4, Mike said after I ate them, "Joey (supplier) told me not to let anyone eat more than 2 of these." I asked, "Why the fuck would you say that now?" "I don't know, didn't think about it ha."
While losing it on the couch with Joe at one point I felt as if I was going to be that way forever, and was telling Joe that I think I could handle my mother coming home and seeing me like this, "This is just how it is now."
We eventually all were on the couch talking but not to each other? We would all be saying fragments of things. For example, I would say, "Yeah that guy is totally...." Someone else would be saying, "It's just like..." "That thing.." We couldn't complete our sentences or even communicate with one another. For a couple months I couldn't talk to Joe on the phone because our conversation would turn back into that.
At the end of the trip Joe and Mike were passed out from smoking so much of that weed, I didn't smoke at all, just ate the paper that night, and was laying in my bed and a song I like was listening to on my iPod. Julie and Candy by Boards of Canada. It was a language and I could hear this crazy fucking alien language, nutty.
In the morning we went and ate at a mexican restaurant down the street from me. There was a lot more to that very long trip, but it was all good, lost my mind many a times and reborn many a times.
To sum it up simply, I don't ever want to feel that way again.

 

AA. aint available
NA. not available

 

sounds like an awesome acid trip to me, but to each his own

good luck stayin clean bro