am i intolerant?

so here is the situation

first off i dont have any problem with people loving who they love. i support the rights of people to marry and be in relationships regardless of their gender. i would never insult someone because they were homosexual, or support that type of behavior.

i was having a beer with a buddy of mine at a bar a few weeks ago, and his girlfriend calls him up and after a bit of chatting he tells me she is coming to the bar with a friend.

she shows up with one of her gay friends jason, who greeted me and my friend with a loud "HAAAAAAAAAAYYYAAAAAA!!!!" ive met jason before about a year ago, and thought he was a good guy

so we are hanging out at the bar for about an hour, and the whole time jason is being extremely loud, and talking in an over exaggerated feminine and obnoxious tone. with lots of "GIRLFRIEND!" "SISTER!" "BOY!" peppered into the conversation. i was very civil and talked with him normally despite my irritation. my friend was also very annoyed as he later told me. i left for home.

today is friday and i am having a little gathering at my house, which my friend and his girlfriend are invited to. she asks me if jason can come over, and i told her no because i find him very annoying. she asks what i mean and i tell her, the way he talks annoys the hell out of me, and i dont care for him to come over to my house.

she then gets very upset, calls me homophobic and intolerant and tells me she isn't coming over tonight, and neither is my friend

now, having met jason in the past, roughly a year ago, i know that is NOT the way he used to talk. he used to talk with a slight feminine lisp, the stereotypical "gay" way to talk and i had absolutely no problem whatsoever with it. but since seeing him the first time, he seems to have developed a very obnoxious way of speaking, im not sure if thats how his group of friends talk and he does it to fit in or whatever, but it is like nails on a chalkboard to me. he yells almost everything he says and i cannot stand to be around him

my question is, given this specific circumstance, would you guys think im being intolerant, and that i am in the wrong here? i have no problem with him being gay, gay people are entirely welcome at my house, but im not going to have someone over that i find that annoying.

how is this different, than say, some suburban white guy talking in ebonics saying "nigga" and "fo sho" at the end of every sentence? like i said, ive met this guy before and he wasnt like this then, so he is obviously purposefully talking in a way i find annoying. id just like some opinions, because i dont see why i should have to put up with someones choosing to talk a certain way. who you are attracted to is NOT a choice, but the way you talk IS a choice, and i dont think i am in the wrong here

thoughts?

 

I don't think your being intolerant... some people are just really annoying and it sounds like this is just begging for attention and going about it the wrong way.

 

any ideas on how to communicate with my buddy's girlfriend? i really dont want to put my friend in a difficult situation as far as choosing between me and his girlfriend, but he even told her that he cant stand jason either, and she thinks he is just saying that to support me

 

My thots exactly.

Someone who broadcasts their affect loudly in a mixed demographic group appears more intent on attention getting where it is not appreciated. You aren't required to invite ppl to your private functions when you know they annoy you and likely other guests.

He is stuck in the middle by having a G/F who doesn't appear to have a clue. You just need to talk to him, letting him know you are cool with him and tell him honestly that you just can't stand the loud obnoxious guy. The ball is really in his court as to dealing his clueless G/F.

If he doesn't have the cojones to tell his G/F that he will spend time with whom he pleases, then maybe you should get another buddy.

(And ppl wonder why some of us guys prefer to loving other guys)

 

haha see thats one of the reasons i have no problem with gay people, because i can totally understand not wanting to deal with women lol if only i was physically attracted to men, i could probably be so much happier haha

my friend has been going out with this girl for over 3 years now, before this me and her got along perfectly fine. now her tune seems to have changed. odds are he will probably come over tonight without her, but im just used to being able to hang out with both of them, and if she cant get over this stupid thing i dont know if that will happen in the future

trying to talk to her about it she just refuses to look at the situation in any other way than me just being a bigot, and therefore doesn't respond to any logical argument i make

maybe its just more about her being personally offended that i dont like one of her friends, than it is about her caring about jason's feelings? im seriously starting to think that might be it, because she has described him as "awesome" "hilarious" and "great" before. it seems jason has more reason to be offended by HER than me, because her fondness of him seems to be from more of an entertainment aspect or a "look at my super gay friend" kinda thing, she has never mentioned him in any other terms to be honest

i almost thought about letting her bring him over, and then talking to him about it. but judging by the way she acts, i doubt he would respond any more logically

 

it's your home and you have every right to surround yourself with people you like and exclude the ones you don't. it's not a question of intolerance. neither is this situation about right or wrong. it's simple personal taste.

 

If ya wanted to do the guy a real favor you would talk to him and just tell him to knock off the BS and show some common respect. Who knows what his issue is but the over the top talk would piss me off in a hurry. It's got nothing to do with being gay and everything to do with being phony. If he doesn't get it then to hell with him. And yeah, I'm gay but I damn sure don't appreciate people trying to put on a show. If the GF doesn't get that then to hell with her too.

 

See I find it slightly homophobic, and i'm not gay

I have loads of strait friends who are loud and annoying, I just tell them to quieten the hell down- try that. Who cares if he is shouting 'GIRLFRIEND', 'HUNNY' or 'FUCK A DUCK, I AM SO STRAIT AND WANT TO EXPRESS IT TO THE WORLD', just ask him to do him quietly. Let people talk however they like, just not loudly.


Any money says you have a friend who is a loud mouth, I sure do. Do you tell him to shut up? If no, there's the problem. If yes, follow the same etiquette with Jason.

If he still annoys you, at least you tried.

 

This would be the nice way to go... but sometimes impressions are lasting and who wants to hang out with someone who embarasses and annoys the shit of you? This guy Jason has already got under his skin and OP doesn't want him at the function, simple as that. And this isn't his friend in the first place, just someone he knows through someone. I have some 'loud' friends, as in colorful, I used to work at a Gay Male Strip Bar called Johnny's in Ft Lauderdale that is mainly full of Twink types, because of this there was a lot of femme guys, many of which I am still very good friends with... Its not the femme thing the OP has or I have with Jason, its the way in which Jason has displayed himself and reached out for attention and of course the factor of the setting. And the people I know don't do it in a way where they are a walking Category 10 stereotype desperate for everyone's attention when in a place where it's going to attract the wrong kind. If they did, I would 'Next' em... I'm sure someone somewhere wants to hang out with someone like that and hopefully Jason will find 'em... Obviously its not going to be Glass... OR ME.

Don't let anyone fool you into thinking your homophobic because someone annoys you and they happen to be a Bruno clone.

 

And you lot are obnoxious without even realising it

Its that kind of talk that early on that confuses us, makes it seem like you are all in denial or blind. This thread is about a gay guy thats hanging out with you and your mates girlfriends.


Powerderpuff dude is just hamming it up to entertain the gals, he probably didnt expect to get on with you from the start. And your girlfriend probably likes finding any ole reason to make you feel guilty

 

you silly goose..

 

I'm not fooling anyone, my advice is simply to talk to this guy before you decide his gay voice is enough of an annoyance that you want to ostracize him from yourself and a group of people.

I mean the OP said he spoke with a lisp, just sounds like he is amplifying his natural voice. If I am out with a loud person, I tell them they are loud- then the situation is often resolved.

His sexuality should have NOTHING to do with how annoying he is. And anyways, the world takes all sorts.

 

The world def takes all sorts... And I do see your point. However, I'm gay, and people who act like that annoy the shit out of me too. It's not just the voice, it's many factors... mannerisms, the show, etc... Its easy to get embarassed when your sitting at a bar with a mixed crowd and someone acting like this is in your group and you could give 2 shits about 'em anyway.

Point is this guy wants everyone to know he here and he's queer x50. It's not that he's just being loud, it's the whole nine yards. If this guy was doing this at a drag show it might not be that much of a problem, but it wasn't was it?

Forcing yourself to accept somone into your group of friends, or at a private party none the less, when they obviously bother you, and have no real important relation to you is just silly. I say Fuck 'Em.

 

Thats the kind of thing everyone says, but no one really believes.

I get pissy around the hot straight guys and uncomfortable around slutty girls.


Still the OPs main point was "Dont give a fuck if he's gay. he's just fuckin annoying".

The straight version of this is just as annoying, the guy trying to act more macho than he is, the girl trying to act more desirable than she is. In either case I dont care about their sex lives, its just friggin annoying.

Both the OP and I have categories of people that we get angry around cos they get us horny, uncomfortable around cos they are icky, annoyed around cos we are so not interested and defensive around cos no we do not want to hear the detail.

Most straight people give me the creeps

 

There's no right or wrong answer anyways, just personal perception. I suppose it doesn't bother me quite as much, but that shouldn't effect another persons opinion.

I just wanted to share another view on the topic.

 

that's not intolerant, if anything the girl is ignorant for associating his voice with his homosexuality. it's your house, you choose who gets to annoy you.

 

you ARE being intolerant

You couldn't tolerate this person being at your house.

That is intolerance.

Most other responses here are simply the opinions of apologists and spin doctors.

 

I thought it was that simple, but apparently not

 

I am gay and I would have been just as annoyed as you.

 

hmm well yes there are always multiple perspectives =)

What's curious to me is the extreme irony of the cultural stereotypes that society proposes.

The Impression I once got was that homosexual men were foppish and weak-willed, they were incompetant, fussy and frivolous...hair dressers, interior decoraters and manicurists..

Yet here we have a straight man who is annoyed at the pettiest of things;
The timbre of another man's voice...
and certain phrases he uses...

These thing's really are so minor.
So minor, that it seems to me only a very sensitive person could be upset by this and exclude him from a gathering.

This isn't the action of a stoic confident enduring man,

but rather a foppish and weak-willed fussy and frivolous man.