I just said goodbye to my 18 year old niece who stayed with me for the past month (I'm 22). Were more like sisters than auntie/niece because were so close in age. Anyways, I'm feeling pretty depressed about her leaving. I think I've started to get depressed recently. I moved to a new town due to a crisis situation at the end of January. At first I was living in my favourite town in the world but I had a difficult time finding affordable rentals and etc so I moved to a town an hour away. Now I feel stuck. I don't know basically anyone in this little town and the few people I do know are not people I would want to hang around with (theyre into things that Im def not). I've met so many FUCKED people in this town. I hate it here. I've never spent so much time alone and by myself. I have no one to do anything with really and its summer now, so that gets pretty depressing. I've literally broken down in tears a couple times because of being so insanely bored. I'm really struggling with it and I feel like its getting worse. Especially now, after having someone around the past month, I feel like its going to be even more hard to handle being alone now. I'm 4 hours away from where I grew up and where my family is. Not only is there complicated situations that make it somewhere I can't, atleast for now, go back to but its also incredibly expensive and difficult to find housing/jobs. I also have pets, making it even more difficult. So moving home isn't an option. I REALLY want to live in the town I originally moved to, I have wanted to eventually live there for years. Problem is, it's pretty expensive too and difficult to find suitable, affordable rentals. I feel stuck here in this boring, sweltering, strange little town. I'm so unhappy here. I'm actually getting worried about whether or not I'll have to ability to cope with it if I don't somehow get out of here soon. It's tiny and very difficult to find a job in. I've been trying to find a job since I got here and it's just dead. I NEED a job to be able to move out of here. Right now I'm on employment insurance and it's not even enough to live off of in reality. I need a job so i can save up enough money for a damage deposit, etc. It's just not happenin though. Ugh. I can't even afford to buy a greyhound ticket to visit my family (and they are also struggling right now and can't afford to pay for a ticket for me either). I'm trying so hard to be optimistic and positive. I know that life is what you make it but you can only pretend things are okay for so long in this shit hole. I feel so frustrated and depressed being stuck here. I miss my family and friends so much. I'm by myself all the time and bored ALL the time. I hang out with my cats all day. I can't find a job and so I don't even have any responsibilities to keep me distracted. Theres also nothing here but some sleezy bars (that are full of really weird ppl, and I'm not just saying that, there are some right fucked ppl here lol) and churches (and I am NOT religious). I sit around all day trying to think of how to keep myself busy. Thank god I recently got internet. I have a prescription for dexedrine, not something I truly need, I wanted it purely for recreational reasons. I rarely used it before, just every once in a while but since moving here I have found myself doing it a lot more often, purely out of boredom. I'm sure that can't be helping things. I'm feeling afraid that there might be no end to this in near sight. I'm scared I might be stuck here for a while. I've never had any major issues with depression but the last few months have been getting harder and harder. After having my niece here for the last month, its depressing how quiet it is now that shes gone. Does anyone have any ideas? What are some things I can do by myself that might help me stay more healthy minded? I am trying not to feel sorry for myself and to be positive but it's getting more and more difficult.
I know this may sound stupid, but try writing. Anything. Your feelings, a story you invented. Anything. You need a hobby that you can do by yourself and that will be time consuming, and writing can take up a lot of time. So can learning an instrument, but that can be expensive. Writing is something you can do NOW with your computer. It doesn't matter if you are any good, what matters is that you express yourself in your writing. You don't have to write a bestseller, just write for YOU. That's my philosophy, I don't write to get published, but if it happens, cool. If it doesn't, then I have written something for myself and any of my friends who may one day care enough to check it out. That's why it's important to write YOUR way. Even if the story bombs with publishers, it still means something to you. Hell, throw out the publishing thing for now. Don't even think about that. Just write. For YOU. No need to worry about publishing for now. I know of several awesome writers who have no ambition to get published at all. The important thing is to take your mind off the loneliness you are feeling. The key in my opinion is to keep your mind occupied so you don't think about how lonely you are. Sooner or later, you'll find good people to socialize with, but until then, try to stay focused on something I wish I could offer more advice, but that's the best I've got
