Guy I Like Might Want to be a Girl

I'm a bi guy, so you'd think that there'd be no problem right? But I like that he's a guy. He's literally perfect as a guy! Sometimes though, he definitely hints that he may want to be a girl. I feel like I'd love him either way, but I'm so afraid that he'll change into someone else (mannerisms and such) as a result of becoming a girl. Just would like some feedback. Anyone else been here?

 

he will probably just get more BITCHY... if you like your relationship dont go shoe shopping with her..

 

You cant "become" a girl, you either are, you arent. As for the "changing mannerisms" thing, a lot of transsexuals do suppress their true nature when they live a lie, attempting to play up to the role of the birth sex. If the person you like actually is a girl, (inside a man's body) then there is a real chance that their personality will change once they start living as their true gender. As if they are acting as a man now, thats all their current personality now is. An act, not the real them.

 

Well if your boyfriend does not just "want" to be a girl for whatever reasons but is really a she in a man's body, then either she behaves in a very girlish way anyway or she got used and forced to play a fake "male" role with fake mannerisms etc. which is not herself because of growing up with a huge social pressure to conform.

As you wrote your question in this forum, I'll just consider the "being somewhat trans" option from now on in my answer:

If she always behaved girlish, less will change in case she transitions than you're afraid might. If she faked a male behaviour etc., a lot will change. However, transitioning is a psychological rollercoaster so it might bring a lot of ups and downs into the relationship and change the character as much as any other extreme experience can. It will still be the same person though.

Seriously, you should both talk openly about what's going on. You get hints anyway so your partner might wish to talk to you, but dares not make the start. If there's no trans stuff going on, he has other issues which should be talked about. But if there is trans stuff going on:

Keep in mind that if it's really a woman you are dating this does not necessarily mean that she will transition. There's many more people whose gender (in their head) is at odds with their sex than you would expect and they never transition. Plus, there's also a lot of people whose gender (in their head) is somewhere in between, a mixture of both or whatever. This might also be the case for your partner and is way more common than being transsexual (check up "genderqueer" in Wikipedia and you'll find a good description of the intermediate states and various versions of being somewhere between being transsexual and being "normal". In my opinion, it's not a mental illness, but rather a variety of being human. Like being bi or gay, but on another level, there's just something wired differently in the brain than for most people. Oh, and genderqueer just "doesn't exist" the same way bi "doesn't exist", that's why I point to it.)

I used to date an awesome person with male body, but gender between male and female, more towards the female side. You could see that from the look in their eyes (best give-away), mannerisms, way of thinking etc. And a female aura deep inside or something like that which I could "read". Plus her own body perception was more female than male, she told me. How to explain that? Hmm... imagine you lost a leg and still have this phantom feeling that it's still there.

My ex also did not like it too much when referred to as "he", even considered transitioning a few times but was not enough at the transsexual end of the spectrum to really think it was worth the trouble. I treated her as a girl or as something in-between anyway when we were alone, dont know how to describe it without making this posting way too long, cause that's whats seemed to fit best - cautiously before her coming out and more openly after (I had suspected what was going on anyway). And that was fine for here and made her feel at ease. That was about 15 years ago and she hasn't transitioned yet and still does not plan to ever do it.

Oh, and I am bi and moreover, more trans than genderqueer, but the other way round than my ex. I had told her right from the start. For these two reasons I did not care a sh*t about her being so, or maybe even found her very attractive and easy to bound to as I like it when it's mixed and we kind of shared a similar experience. Being genderqueer or even having your sex and brain gender completely at odds is not always easy to live with or to figure out for yourself what exactly is going on, plus society often reacts badly if you're just yourself. But many of these genderqueer/trans people are fricking awesome and open-minded in some ways.

Genderqueer/trans people can harmonize very well with bi people in relationships. You probably figured out from what I wrote that there are some parallels and comparable experiences even if it's a different thing, plus for many bi people it's okay or even great to get a mixture of both. For the trans/genderqueer people a bi partner can be great as well if your partner does not only appreciate in you what your body pretends you are but also what he perceives that you are deep in yourself and this is obviously easier for bi people than for straight or gay ones.

Feel free to ask more or PM me.

 

Acting "girlish" or on the flip side, boyish, is as much a societal pressure for cis people as it is for trans people. There are many tomboy trans girls just like there's many femme trans guys.

 

That is very true. I was a tomboy while growing up, even though I knew I was female. I do have a girly side to me as well, but in terms of things I like to do, most would come under the male stereotype. But there is a difference between being a tomboy, and being a man.

 

I am just a bitch.. and I get shit done..

 

I have not been there but don't worry about it you will still see the same person you see now just with a unique blend of "(mannerisms and such)"
Celebrate these qualities in the one you love.

 

Many gay guys act like girls anyways, so it's nothing that uncommon are weird even. Just go with it.

 

Hell yes!:groupwave: