My boyfriend and I have only been together about a year and our sex life, while fantastic in the beginning is becoming less and less satisfying. I suppose my sex drive is higher but even when we do have sex I usually end up having my needs ignored. If I initiate the sex I can pretty much guarantee I won't come. Sometimes he'll lay there trying to get me to touch him and if I proceed he won't touch me at all,just lays there getting off. It doesn't seem fair that he doesn't usually want sex and when he does it's more than often for him to get off. I know I need to talk to him about this but I don't know how to approach it without upsetting him and making him feel crappy. I love him and this lack of interest in my needs makes me feel like he doesn't really care. Anyways I'm sure there has to be a way to talk to him about this, anyone got any ideas?
Having a good sexual relationship is as impostant as the rest of it. He seems very selfish or just plain lazy in the bed. You need to tell him that and if he blows you off or tells you your the problem, maybe it's time to toss him. If things are changing in the bedroom, you can bet they will be changing in the rest of your relationship. I just hope that hes not seeing someone else and not being man enough to tell you. Good Luck!
Ha, my bedroom life has sucked for the longest time. Been with the husband for 10 years, married for 5. To me sex is all about him. I don't get off and he doesn't do a damn thing to help. Sometimes i just don't want to bother wasting my time anymore. Atleats when i masturbate i get to get off. It's not that i''m not interested in sex. I just want to try more kinky stuff while he's just into routine stuff. Do you know how boring routine sex is for 10 years. There's nothing to look forward to. I tried talking to him too but it doesn't work. Well, not for me. But i'm sure not all men are alike. So try talking to him, just be open about how you feel. Atleast you're not married so if it still doesn't work out then you can move on. I know if i weren't tied down and with kids then i probably will move on.
Shit, at least you all have a sex life! I get to fuck my hand every night due to being single and not having a fuck buddy or enough cash to go get a hooker.
Not to sound to weird - but you might need to spice it up a little. Julia and I went through a similar phase but then we started trying different things. We started having sex in the backyard (in a semi-private spot, but where we knew our neighbor could sneak up and watch us) and as it turned out - we both loved the idea of showing each other off a little. After a while we got more creative for our 'audience', undressing her, and a whole host of other intimate sexual encounters. I guess it's about keeping it fresh. Good luck.
So you say it was fantastic at first but then dropped off? Finding the reason for the change seems important. Often times interpersonal conflicts that go unresolved lead to problmes in the bed room. Is there something in your relationship that correlates with the drop off? How is the communication in general in the relationship? Do you tell each other that you love each other? So one stock answer is to see someone who does couple counciling and ask for some advice. So I don't know if this is good advice or not, but I'm imagining a dialogue where you can start by telling him that you love him, and then ask something like "do you feel like talking about our relationship? I want to know what you like and don't like about our relationship." You can also try to phrase things in a way that is non-threatening. Instead of saying "I just hate it when you lie there and wait for me to start sex", you could tell him "it really turns me on when you make the first move". It's really hard to know what is really going on from just a pos t. It's also hard to know what sort of things to which he might respondpositively. The drop-off could be coming from unresloved conflict in the relationship. It could be something strictly physical and his energy just isn't keeping up with yours. It could just be that things are just getting more stale over time. It could be that factors outside the relationship are affecting the relationship. Frankly, the media (at least what I've seen in the us) has done a lot in the last 20 years or so to make men feel antagonized, dis-empowered, and abused in their relationships with women. If that's a factor, there are probably ways that you can counteract that by making him feel more in charge in bed and in the relationship. His frequent passivity might reflect lower libido, general dissatisfaction in the relationship, or maybe he just likes it when you initiate. Or it could be that he thinks that that's the way *you* like it, and he's trying to please you. If it's the case that he likes it when you initiate, maybe you can find a compromise solution. Like maybe doing something that makes it explicitly clear that you want to have sex, but where he acutally initiates the contact. It might be also useful to consider that men often feel *obligated* to have sex when there is an opportunity, as if they are less than manly to turn a sexual opportunity down. If that's the case, it's likely to create some negative feelings which he can not articulate. If it's mainly just that his libido is low, getting him to perform (and making it as enjoyable for him as possible) oral sex might be a good solution. Good luck in any case and I hope that it all works out.
