I Just Don't Understand.

Okay so on the 21st of August I went on a date with a guy I had a ton in common with. He said he liked me and was starting to trust me. Then all the sudden just stops talking to me on Friday. I can't figure it out and I'm kind of bummed, because it was nice to meet someone who actually seemed to be nice. We were supposed to go on a date last Saturday and he canceled it, then just stops talking to me.

What did I do?

 

It's hard for me to say because I don't date. Maybe, nothing. But it's August 31st now, which would mean it's been 10 days since you first met him. I personally do not feel able to call someone a friend in 10 days, unless dude saved my life in trench warfare and fed me after a caught a bullet in the head until I recovered...and even then.

How disappointed are you?

What were the tons of things you found to have in common with him? How did you meet him? What was he starting to trust you with? Since you say you stopped talking last Friday, were you talking everyday? In person, or on the phone? How do you know he stopped talking to you (as opposed to being busy, e.g.)? What kind of date did you have and what kind of date were you planning to have?

Edit: You don't have to answer, but those would be questions I'd be asking myself after facing a similar disappointment.

 

he's just not that into you

 

I'm a bit disappointed. He was telling me a lot, we talked about his daughter more. He started acting weird after I told him that his sister is my best friends sister and that I'd already met his family. Well we were kind of talking everyday through texts and online because he lives 30 minutes away. The last day I really talked to him he was having a ton a problems with his family.

We had the date at my house and watched a terrible horror movie. Wasn't even sure if I'd end up going on the date with him because he needed a sitter. I don't know maybe I should just not look forward to dating its not fun.

 

It's too serious for me.

 

Maybe he found someone else, maybe he wanted someone who wasn't attached to his family.

I think you should look forward to having fun with a person and finding someone you can fall for; but I don't think you have to look forward to dating to do that. But if you want to find someone - you typically have to get through some sort've getting to know each other =P

I never thought about courting my girl or hanging out with her as "dating", we've gone on one official date, and that was basically cause I figured we had to since we kissed.

Too formal of thought for either of our tastes, I like to think of it as "going out" or hanging out, just like you would with a friend. Only a friend you have some interest in finding a new title with (just never actually use the word friend =P)

 

It's not necessarily your fault. He might not have liked something you said/did and didn't have the balls to talk it out and/or he found someone else, or maybe he simply chickened out.

Either way, if he didn't have the consideration of talking to you and just vanished (I've had that done to me once, too) he's just not worth your thoughts.
And I wouldn't try to contact him either. If he were worth your time he'd contact you himself.

 

I definitely agree with this!

 

Yeah I guess it really can't be my fault. He hardly got to know me. It seemed like I was more interested in finding out about him then he was about me. I want someone to ask about me too!!!

 

Yeah, mutual interest is a pretty important part of a relationship =P

 

You probably did not do anything wrong just take it for what it is and start looking for that next fish in the sea.

 

Could be that he just doesn't care. Guys think, too! So maybe he sat down one evening and thought about it. And decided that he just isn't interested. BTDT.

Some people want their space. Give it to them. That is the best respect you can give a man.

 

If they want their space they shouldn't go around inviting people in just to kick them out out of the blue.

 

Exactly, I'm the person that doesn't exactly pick up on the social ques. If you want your space tell me, I love being around people and usually don't feel invaded.

 

We're not talking about going out and partying, this is a guy that seems to have lost interest in one of our members, and I'm thinking that he may just want some space so he can think things over. That's all it might be. IOW let him chill, do his thing, and next time you see him let him know that you're still there if he wants to come back.

 

No I can't just let someone walk all over me like that. Then he'll think its okay to just disappear and come back when ever he pleases. That's not okay with me, I want someone who is reliable. I'm not trying to act like a bitch but I know I don't deserve to be treated like a door mat. So what he needs his space, then he should say that. I can't read minds and I don't want to waste my time doing that.

 

Ya'll ain't dating yet, just friends, remember? LOL!

 

Thing is we aren't even friends, I won't ever run into the guy.

 

What else? Kiss the ground he walks on?! Maybe if it were quicksand...

He disappears and she has to wait for him?! You have a very modern way of thinking, for the 12th century...

Bingo!

 

The key here seems to be that he freaked out when he knew that you knew his family. And he's been having problems with his family.

Sounds like he feels like he has something to hide. If you are so inclined, you could let him know that it's ok to talk to him about what is going on, if there is a problem, you like him enough to work it out.

I don't think he's trying to treat you as a doormat, or that he's not into you. The family thing sounds like it was the trigger. So there is probably a whole story that you don't know. It sounds like there is something that he is frightened/ insecure about. If you can get him to open up about that, you can probably resolve the issue.

But it may be that you've decided now that you don't like him anyway?

You could look for someone else, but I think this is something salvagable with a little bit of effort.

Hope it all works out anyway.