Long term bf is going on a trip for four months

Hey there! New to the forums and looking for some unbiased advice. Quick background. My bf of over a year is going on a 4 mo trip out of country with his best friend. We live together and I am away on business for the first time since our relationship began, over a year ago. We are both are having a hard time dealing with being apart. We tend to do pretty much everything together. We both have trust issues but his seem to be getting the best of him, but it's not to say if the roles were reversed if I wouldn't too be going batty. I am sure I have elements of being codependent because I am not one to say, I am not cheating on you, you need to get over it and then hang up. I do tend to continue to nurture him. I could be networking at an evening event, but instead I worked on my relationship all night. Still, it's more important for me to work on my relationship than network but part of me kinda feels that I shouldn't make that concession?? Also a point that may or may not be relevant, he has/ does suffer from depression and I tend to take that into consideration. I don't want to break up, nor do I think he does. I didn't believe in true love or love at first sight until I met him. We have an amazing connection. Any advice on how we/ I should cope?

 

Oh... I though he was going to take a mega dose of LSD... My bad..

Its just a trip man, its just a trip..

 

that has to be the single most amazingly great comment ive ever read. at the same time, maybe the best damn idea ive ever had.

 

haha i thought he was gonna take like lsd too

 

well i dunno about an acid trip (lol), but just ask yourself is it all worth it? Being apart that much can be really hard on two people. Its going to take some compromise, communication, dedication, passion, etc to really make it work. If you do breakup with him, i would really try and do it as friendly as possible. just explain to him its hard being apart for so long and that its wearing on you and that you cant keep that up for long. and that it would be best just to stay as close friends. its never easy breaking up, but sometimes its for the best. just talk very soft and try to explain everything in a manner that makes the most sense. Being apart for that long on multiple occasions is enough to warrant a breakup anyways. its one thing if it is just 4 months, then everything is back. but it sounds like you guys travel pretty often and dont really get to see eachother.

Im not sure what else to say, but i think you need to sit down and have a good talk with yourself, and even better, with them to discuss exactly what options are available and what the best ones to take.

Its nothing personal to breakup do to an issue such as this, and i would explain to him its the time apart that is the main force of the breakup. I would understand if someone broke up w/me because of something like that...

My girl is going to be away for 2 weeks and she gets extremely upset if i dont want to spend one second with her. so i can hardly imagine what it is like for others that go MUCH longer periods without seeing eachother.

I hope you find the best solution : / Kind of sad really that work and travel has to get in the way of love. I think the romantic answer would be "find a new job" that keeps you stationary a bit longer but that is kind of unrealistic...

 

I'm married and if my husband takes a trip without me even if it's a short time and it's not about his job then he better not come back.

 

Really? Being married doesn't mean that you have to be joined at the hip.
You are still two individuals with different lives at the end of the day.

 

......:iagree:



Cheers Glen.

 

Yes, if I felt I couldn't go away for a while without my partner being depressed or considering breaking up with me, then that isn't the person I want to be with.

Just because you are in a relationship with someone doesn't mean that you have to live side by side 24hr a day. Let him have a life.

 

Wow, doesn't sound healthy. My gf and I have already agreed that an occasional one week solo trip is totally okay. And once you have that freedom, you are more likely to just want to stay and go on trips together. I had the opportunity to go somewhere just recently, but did not want to go without my girl. She even encouraged me to go, if I wanted. She might have the opportunity to go to India, but does not want to go without me, so if it arises, she will reject it.

For us, allowing the freedom actually works opposite, and makes us feel like we want to be by each others side even more. And it is nice to know that in the future, some day, we will have each others blessing if the need for a trip alone arises. We just haven't had that need. By allowing her freedom I am actually drawing her more near! While her over controlling, over bearing mother is pushing her further away (because of the lack of freedom she gets from her mom)!

I feel bad for your husband. I've always felt solo trips are a must in a relationship.

 

You have no idea what kind of life I have. We have been together for 10 years, 5 of them married with me as a mom. We have never taken a trip together,NEVER! Do you know how much I crave a romantic getaway with just him. We never even went on a honeymoon. My life is 24/7 taking care of 3 kids at home. I have no friends since I was 15. Atleast he works and get to go out. So tell me, why would I let him enjoy an alone vacation?

 

I wasn't talking about you!

 

You seem pretty unhappy with your marriage.

 

Sometimes i am.

 

What would happen if he comes back?

 

I wouldn't want you.

 

Wow, seems like alot of guys want to go on solo vacations. Are you men married and with young kids? Well i am. Who is gonna watch the kids if my husband decides to go on a vacation alone?

Not that my husband want to go on a vacation, with or without the family. But i told him if he ever wants to go on a solo vacation then he has to accept me going on one as well. Because i'm sure as hell not gonna sit at home with 3 little kids since it's already my job 24/7. I have never even been outside the freaking USA except Canada when i was a child. You don't think i want to let loose and have some adult fun? Atleast he's had alot of vacations when he was single. I never had that. I have more things and experiences i want to fulfill then he does.

So yeah sure, we can go on solo vacations. Just have someone babysit the kids. I'll go do my thing and have my fun and he can do the same.

 

Wow come on guys, its not like Aznmom is saying that he husband can't go on one by himself. She is just saying that she wouldn't want to be left home with the kids while her husband gets to have all the fun. I think it isn't unreasonable to be unhappy about that situation.

Being a mom is a tough job and I'm sure she deserves a break. Have a little compassion, I think it wouldn't be unreasonable to want to go on a vacation alone. But I think he'd have to let her go either when he got back or find a sitter so they could both have vacations.

 

Thanks. As i said before, i have never taken a vacation with my husband not even a honeymoon. You have no idea how much i desire to take a romantic vacation just the 2 of us. We never even went anywhere when we first started dating as he was always busy working. And so yes, i would be extremely mad if he takes one without me now and leave me at home with 3 small kids. I know he has taken a vacation shortly before he met me and that was with his ex. So i am often deeply saddened that she got a trip and i never got one.

So yes, he if ever wants to have a solo trip (i would not know what for) then sure, he can have it as along as i get to go on a solo trip as well. But since i am the main caregiver for the kids (he does not know how to take care of them aside from bringing home money) i highly doubt he would let me go away. Or he would just make me feel like i'm a bad mother for wanting to leave the kids, even for a short time.

So you see why i would be pissed at this situation.

 

If you truly have an amazing connection, then it sounds like it is worthwhile to try to make things work. A four month separation in the context of a one year relationship is kind of long. Don't be too surprised if this is enough to break up the relationship. If the two of you were rock-solid it wouldn't necessarily be a problem, but given the fact that you have some trust issues, it could be a big problem.

Why did he decide to go on this mega trip anyway? To any degree, is this retaliation for your traveling on business?

So you can talk on the phone while you are apart. Didn't need to tell you that. Maybe you could convince him to shorten his trip a little?

Also, if you have some vacation time, maybe you could meet up with him for a week or two?

As long as his friend doesn't have a problem with this, I think that could be something really good.

If you really have co-dependancy issues and trust issues, please try to work this out.

It has occured to me that I often recommend couple counciling to people who are having relationship troubles. This might be sound advice, but then again, I've never been to couple counciling so I don't really know. My guess is that if you are thinking about going the counciling route, it's better to take care of problems early rather than letting them build up.

Oh, true love, sounds so wonderful. If he really is your true love, I really hope that things work out!


Oh, and when ever depression is an issue; I also nearly always recommend a book called "Treating Depression with Chinese Medicine" by Bob Flaws, Blue Poppy Press.