Any one been through relationship counseling before? How was it, did it help? What should I expect? Any advise on finding a good therapist?
no direct experience, but I've heard that it is the least satisfying form of counseling. Part of that may have to do with the fact that the counselor is not focusing just on your personal needs exclusively, but balancing them with another person. Also people often don't go to counciling until the relationship is so mangled that it's beyond repair. I think one way to go about it is to talk to different people to get a feel for how you like them. A good rapport is important. I don't know if they will give you a free initial consultation where you can just meet them and get a sense of what to expect from the counseling. Maybe there's a book on the subject? You might also want to include the details of why you are going to counciling.
I cant exactly give advice on this because I am pretty much in the same situation. My husband finally agreed to go to counseling but we havent started yet because my insurance wont cover it. So...we are waiting for his to accept or not. Oddly enough.....I am a therapist myself. So from my own professional standpoint...I tend to think that if a couple needs counseling they have gotten to the point where they have some super serious issues going on. It doesnt hurt to try it though. That way if things work out you can hold on to your relationship and feel good that the two of you worked on it together. If it doesnt work out....you'll know that you gave it all you could. One thing I would recommend (and which I plan to do) is that both of you also have some individual sessions. This couls be with the same counselor (though this can create a conflict of interest) or with your own counselor. Both of you need some "me" time to address your own thoughts and feelings openly without the other person there listening to everything. Good luck.
I think if it gets to the point where you can't just talk it through with eachother you're very likely sunk. Being able to share thoughts and feelings and listen and understand is the very foundation of a relationship. If you need a mediator or someone to guide that for you rather than it coming naturally between you, you're not in a good place at all. I guess whether or not this would be helpful would depend on the people. Good luck with it.
Thanks for the input... I kinda agree with what everyone is saying, about how usually by the time you go to counseling its too late, and that you shouldn't need someone to mediate. It's a last ditch effort, that he wanted to try (I was already done with the relationship) I do love him, I just cant stand being around him. I did agree to try one more time though and Im gonna give it my all. Usually I wouldn't even go for something like this. He's got serious anxiety and depression issues and is on meds but thats it. I think he really needs to talk to someone to help him learn how to deal with everything. I figure us going together is a good way to get his foot in the door. Also most of our issues are centered around his anxiety, not just normal relationship bs. He seems to think though that the counselor will just give us instructions on how to live with each other (you know, you need to do this for him type of stuff) and thats not what I want, or how it should work. I think it would be great for us to go individually also, honestly I feel like I need it after the way things have been. Neither of us have insurance, so I guess its going to depend on how much the sessions are
Check around. I think that there is often free or low-cost counciling around if you meet certain income guidelines. Might want to check the web. I think that people who have border line personality disorder type behavior have been through some trauma. I wish the best for him, and that would be great if things could work out. But I also don't think it's very fair or healthy for you simply to become a martyr to the relationship. Whether you stick with it or break up, could be rough either way. Hope all works out for the best.
