i have no clue how to get laid

Dude do nothing. Works for me. Worrying sucks, and you're worrying. Don't worry though, worrying means you's a smart mofo.

 

from my experience, sometimes... unpredictability can be both, an ice-breaker and a real turn on!

example: depending on the situation and the girl, you can always:

a) kiss her spontaneously (cheek, lips neck or hand)
b) caress her waist as you walk by her
c) look her in the eye, let your desire overwhelm her!
d) prepare the scenario
e) play with her hair. (note: physical contact is very important)
d) play it from there... examine and study her reactions. create an opportunity.

that's basically it. you must have no fear if you have the slightest suspicion she likes you or desires you.

 

just ask her if she wants to have sex. " YOU LOOK SO SEXY TONIGHT. DO YOU WANT TO SUCK MY COCK BABY?"
seriously.

 

Or look girl, I would like to take you to the fancyest restaurant. We would have nice candy lights and really soft romantic music. Food willbe delicious just like you want it to be. I will hold you in my arms, I can only hope that you would be safe and that you will enjoy that. We could tell each other all about what you consider romantic. Now, We can do all that, or I can just fuck the shit out of you... And nasty smile with affirmation of your desire, manhood and you. No games, no anything. Just cut the shit time to fuck ...

 

thats a bit long. A BIT LONG.

 

you should of payed attention in sex ed

 

yeah..goign by rules of sex ed to get laid is like a retarded person trying to lay a normal chick. they will just grab her and try to unbutton her pants and stick some shit in.
sex ed = "when a mans penis enters a womans vagina, babies can happen or diseases can grow"

 

You mean they can't?

 

its not as easy as it seems.

 

Hey man, we've all been there. Awkward is as awkward does though. You've got to relax and just fuckin go for it. Get some eye contact and a smile, grab her and pull her in. If you can muster a cool or even goofy sexy line, go for it, but it's not strictly necessary. 'Damn.' 'What?' 'oh, nothing, I was just thinking you're way too fucking sexy to not have your tongue in my mouth' or something similar. I mean christ, at one lingerie-clad new year's party I was at a couple years ago I was literally grabbing random girls as they walked by and telling them they were cute immediately before sticking my tongue down their throat. And not only was it not a big deal, the whole damn cacophony society was flirting with me for months after that. Just be yourself. You're so fuckin horny it's addling your brain and you're getting all tripped up on propriety, when if you just let yourself be the sexy animal you are everyone will love you for it. Own that shit! If you just missed what she said because you couldn't stop thinking about her bouncing up and down on your cock, just straight up tell her. I swear, it'll be cool. My dad told me that shit when I was first in high school and I didn't believe him, and I could hardly get laid to save my fuckin life. I agonized over every detail. I spent more than another decade realizing he was right all along. If you're in the appropriate environment, like any time you're alone with a girl for the first time, or hanging out with a bunch of mostly naked people on drugs, it is really, genuinely, honestly 100% okay to make a bold move. No means no, but you've got to GET to the no for that shit to count. And mostly you'll get a lot more 'i don't know's than you'll ever hear 'No'. If you want to tell a girl 'you've got to help me. I swear my heart is gonna explode if I don't come up in that goddamn juicy ass of yours in the next hour', then just fuckin do it. She's probably not gonna say yes to a line like that, but she'll probably laugh, and being that level of bold and outrageous is undeniably sexy in its own way, and it gets her thinking about it. And touch her all you want, wherever you want. If she doesn't like it, she will TELL you. Assume permission, say it like 'you don't mind that I'm touching you, right?'

In a broader sense, if you want to get laid, there are at the core only a few steps to follow with a girl that you've managed to be even semi-alone with, and any time there's booze involved:

Don't Fucking Worry
Make her laugh
Talk about sex
Touch her
Take What You Want

That's it! And if she's not interested, just forget it and move on to someone who likes you. She WILL say no if she means no, it's not harassment if you haven't been rejected yet, and once you actually get good at it you'll learn to be more confident, read the signs and react accordingly and then you won't be rejected so much. Which will be around the time most of the girls your age will stop falling for such adolescent bullshit, so you had best figure this shit out now while it's easy and you don't actually have to be smart and together or go on multiple dates and have meaningful conversations to get laid. Because if you haven't gotten over your analysis paralysis by then, dating is gonna be a BITCH, take it from me. Also, use this as an opportunity to get good at sexing new partners-- young girls don't know any better, but by their late 20s they've usually experienced a few good lovers and don't give two shits about anyone that doesn't make them come really fucking hard. Just sayin.

Now go out and get your fuckin dick wet, boy!

 

Insert Penis Here:

 

lmao

 

LOL whats funny is I saw that picture on a website called "The seven assholes of the Earth" So no, I'm not going to stick my penis in that asshole.

 

Damn, I hate to see a brother hurtin'!! But unfortunately there is no real magic to it. But, confidence helps, bro. Be confident, be funny, compliment her, do something unexpected.

Mr. Writer, you sound wise beyond your years. You gotta be good at foreplay. If she don't want it, you probably aren't going to be able to change her mind. And even if she does want it, sometimes you still have to do everything right to get to the magically honeypot.

 

HAHA funny! Is that in Russia? I saw a picture of a big ass hole in Russia a while back, looks about like that. Whereabouts is that, do you know?