i everyone,please read my story,my life really becoming worst,i am like a hooker

hi everyone,i really dont like to share my personal life but my life is becoming worst
i am so lonely,please guys help me please
right now i m 18 yr old and from my childhood i lost my virginity n my father did that to me
after that when i go to school my father didnt pay the fees at right time n i get punished all the time standing out of the class so from kg to 10 class i saw alot of negative things from my teachers i was very good student but my teachers n principle did not like me at all
when i was 14 my father didnt go to work n he used to send me to his sponser ....the first tym i slept with his sponser n i cried alot ........whole night n then my bad luck start
i fell in love for the first time in my life in school ..he gave me number n we started talking to each other then he became my bf n after tht when he knw tht i m prostitute he start using me he slept with me alot ..he want money from me he start abusing me whenever he became angry .........i was totally brainwashed
my mother from started telling me before all these rubbish things happen in my life she wanted me to marry as soon as possible she always used to tell me that if u ll marry then you ll outta this hell but i did not listen to her bcoz i was so small to think for marriage at that time
anyway then my mother always screams at me n told me to left my bf but i didnt bcoz i become so crazy tht it was impossible for me to left him....then after 1 half yr he badly dumped with me n we broke up thn i become so depressed for about 1 yr,i was like a dead body i always think about him y did he left me but then i grown up n i realized he was not good for me
now my father always abused me n told me that u ruin your life n you choose that way i didnt told you u sleep with ur bf n alot of bad things,
i become too much angry but i have small 2 brothers n my mother n bcoz of them i say nothing
okay whenever any guy become friend with me n then he knw my background he just start using me or just trying to spend 1 nite with me
i think in this world no body have kind heart
i always wanted to become a teacher or a banker but bcoz i run my house i cant make enough money for my studies n i left my 1st yr in between n did not complete it

now i really want my brothers go to school n they become engineer or doctor or whatever they like

i want to do job but no single job is available for me they want degree cv or they have less salary


whenever i go to any mall or any places people says that u have gr8 personality u r beautiful or ur eyes are gorgrous and some of my friends suggest me to become model but it is not possible


nowadays i become overweight n nobody is giving me more money they knw i have alot of problems n they knw my problems but they like tht i beg or slave for them i dont like n i dont want to satisfied them bcoz i dont like sex at all
one of my friend told me that if some girl go this way she will later like to be in that way she will not change her she will remain prostitute

i m not prostitute bcoz i m very different girl from inside n now 4 yrs i dont think tht i like to b in this place
thats y my friend become my big enemy now
why he said like this to me

i m very positive fun n tolerate person i did not like to be sad all times but my life did not want to make me happy they always bring tears in my eyes i think i have no future no friends no life partner no body loves me they have no feelings if someone knw my past they start talking rubbish
my life is getting worst

please tell me what should i do now
i want to make/earn money to pay my brother fees,i also want to graduate so that i can able to live my life with a good job
but too many problems for me
now nobody give me money,nobody help me,if i say that just help me they want to sleep with me first and when i sleep with them they gave me too little money that it is impossible to pay the fees
please all u people please read full and tell me
and help me out of this

 

okay nobody reply me
:'(

 

I don't like to leave any post unanswered, I imagine most people are overwhelmed and skeptical. I'll give you the benefit of many doubts and you might have been very emotional when you wrote this. But when you write in close proper grammar it tells me and anyone who reads this that you care about communicating clearly. Sometime people don't believe my life because of the sheer content so I'll try to take your as seriously as I can.

People do work and go to school, waitress don't need higher education just experience and the right training. It's not the best job but you can start at less classy areas and move to better places. If people get a bad reaction or treat you different because your past then don't tell them (this early). You will eventually have to say that you were hurt and that's why you can't be physical. Asking men for money and giving sex in return makes you a prostitute. Honestly if it's consensual and you feel comfortable with it I don't think it's morally wrong but you don't seem comfortable with it. I take it you were raped by your father and his sponsor. Some people are forced to work menial jobs to support there brother and there is no shame in putting your effort into providing for them it is something to be admired. There are places you can talk about your past to people who won't use the knowledge to abuse you. I don't know what country or state you life in but California there are places where abuse women meet. (of course for free)

I hope you know you're not alone, big world big web feel free to talk back.

 

first i would say be strong, for yourself. get motivated to do some things. get a job even if it sucks. and last of all, enjoy life.

 

i am 18 too, and we are still young, so its not too late to turn things around

 

Well I will reply to you.

The whole proper grammar thing can be fixed if you work at it. I think because of what happened to you at a young age and your parents abusing you made you lose focus on your schooling. That is normal when something this bad happens to a young person.

I can tell from the way you speak that you are a very good person inside, and you just want a better life for you and for your younger brothers. But I don't think you can achieve that living in such a toxic, abusive enviroment with your mother and especially your father. Parents are supposed to love and protect their children, not hurt them like you have been hurt.

I'm not a professional sex counselor, but it seems very clear that you need some professional help. You need to reach out to someone to help pull you out of this very bad home life you have. You need to look in the phone book and find a sexual abuse hotline you can call, so they can determine what to do next. I'm sorry to say this, but you're parents are no good for you, and they clearly don't care to see you do well. They are controlling you and hurting you very badly. Physically, emotionally and most important, mentally. If there is no phone number to call and report your abuse then I urge you to contact your local police department and speak to them. It's not your fault that this happened to you. It's your fathers fault, and it also seems your mother doesn't care either. You need to reach out to the police or some sexual abuse help group to get the ball rolling. Staying in that home will not make you feel better or get the help you need.

Don't worry about your past. Your past is not your fault. You can only look forward to your future. You're young and you still have a whole lifetime ahead of you. You CAN live your dreams, but it takes a lot of work. It will take even more work from you because of the trauma that you have to live with, but you can lead a normal life. You just need someone to help you get out of that enviroment and help you on the path to feeling safe, happy and hopeful again.

I think you understand that your father is a sick man and you shouldn't be anywhere near him. Reach out to someone in your area and get the ball rolling to getting you feeling better. You need to get yourself feeling better before you can worry about your brothers.

My heart really goes out to you, and I'm so sorry that all this really bad stuff has happened to you. But don't let it keep happening. Don't keep going down this dark and dangerous road. Stand up for yourself and seek help. You'll feel so much better once you do.

Good luck to you and if you ever need someone to talk to you can always talk to me.

 

I've been through horrible things in life myself just like others but many like yourself has suffered greatly. It leaves us tormented for the rest of our lives.
Don't let your self down just do your best and don't let your past overshadow your future. You gotta tell yourself that you're better than those who have hurt you because they are nothing but monsters and you don't wish to be the same way. Look after the people who want only the best for you and forget those who tried to ruin you. Think about your goals in life, what do you want to be in the future and try to make them work. You never know you can be the next leader of a nation, a lawyer or judge. Don't waste your life because you are someone important.

 

its 230 in the morning and i am going to leave a comment later but there is just too much to read right now..... so im posting so i can find this later.

 

thank you so much,you really understand me..i was very upset that time..
but u gave me some hope and i m now feeling so good from inside.
i m very alone here in kuwait,my parents also didnt want to understand me..
i got a job in perfume/cosmetic shop with less salary
but still i m happy,now i m saving my money and m lookin forward to complete my studies.
you are great.you dont know how much i m happy bcoz of your msg
thank you so much
GOD BLESS YOU ALWAYS

 

thank you dear,your are absolutely right,even i m thinking the same way.my parents didnt care for me,i really loved to leave this home and stand up for myself,but still i think i cant do,bcoz there is no one who supports me or help me get out of this..
but still now i m not little girl anymore ,i have to make something for me and my brothers..but all i need is right time
here in kuwait i cant do anything even cant call police even if i wanted to do
my father is my sponsor and if i had any friends out of this country i could get away from them but i dont have but
thanks a million for encouraging me and giving me such a good advice
i m now have confidence bcoz of you guys
thank you for helping me out of this problem
GOD ALWAYS BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY

 

now i wasted to much time thinking about my past,i m now not going to waste any more time,i m very happy for you guys,u really encouraged me a lot, thanks a billion for helping me,thank you so much
GOD BLESS YOU ALWAYS AND GIVE U A LONG LIVE AND HAPPY LIFE

 

now i wasted to much time thinking about my past,i m now not going to waste any more time,i m very happy for you guys,u really encouraged me a lot, thanks a billion for helping me,thank you so much
GOD BLESS YOU ALWAYS AND GIVE U A LONG LIVE AND HAPPY LIFE

 

I just saw your post tonight, and I'm sure I would have replied sooner if I had seen it sooner.

I'm sorry to hear that you have had such a painful experience. I've been trying to develop a post with some help resources on the "all in the family thread". You may want to try posting on that thread, as it seems to match well with many of the issues that you are dealing with.
http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/forumdisplay.php?f=383

most of the resources that I found are related to the US, but the organization below may be of help to you
-------------------
Survivors of Incest Anonymous (SIA)
http://www.siawso.org link
Survivors of Incest Anonymous (SIA) is a 12-step, self-help recovery program modeled after Alcoholics Anonymous. There are no dues or fees. Confidentiality and anonymity are essential to the program. SIA is for men and women, 18 years and older, who were sexually abused as children.

Major Program(s)/Initiatives(s):

* 12 Steps - http://www.siawso.org/Default.aspx?p...158755external link
-------------------

I'm afraid that I'm not aware of any resource links within Kuwait.

So it sounds like you are dealing with both emotional/psychological issues related to abuse and exploitation, as well as practical issues of support and survival.

I'm so sorry that these things have happened to you. It seems like life has been really unfair to you. My hope is that a change will come and that the world will be kinder to you and that good people will help you.

i love you sister, blessings and good luck to you!

 

Just keep your head up. Things will get better.

 

thank you so much sister...i love you too
i read it now
and i am so happy and feeling good to read your comment
that time i was really so much upset about my life
you give me so much energy and hope
thank you so much
now i know that i am not alone in this big world,i have a good sister like you
here in kuwait there is nobody to understand at least listen to me
thanks for encouraging me
GOD BLESS YOU ALWAYS
GOD give you everything u want in your life
TAKE CARE MY SISTER
bye

 

I'm a guy, but that's ok. I'm glad to know that you read the post and I hope that things will work out for you. I can tell that you are a good person, and I hope that the good things that you deserve will one day come to you.

 

I am very sorry you have had such a difficult life and I think you sound like a wonderful and beautiful person that deserves a chance to shine. You will get back on your feet, just keep pushing on and remember that you are the only you this world will ever have.