People here talk a lot about being tested for std's and such before being with someone new. I hate to be so naive, but how does that work? I mean, do you get some kind of report card that you exchange with the other person? And can't they be faked (forged)? And isn't there some kind of incubation period anyway? I know there are never any guarantees in life, but what about exposures after the date of the test?
People in my circle test annually for HIV, gonorrhea, syphilis, and chlamydia. People can also test for hepatitis A, B, and C, and women can also test for HPV. Also, you can test for genital herpes, which is helpful so that you can disclose to potential lovers if you have it. You can pretty much assume that everyone you kiss has oral herpes, because most people do. A good safer sex conversation should include the dates and results of the most recent tests, along with what they have done since that time, particularly with respect to unprotected sex. Also, lifestyle factors are relevant: do they have unprotected anal sex? Do they work in a medical field where they are exposed to blood, or in a field where they are exposed to raw sewage? Do they use intravenous drugs? If the answers to those questions are satisfactory, our practice is that it's OK to go ahead with sex, as long as condoms are used for vaginal or anal intercourse.
Usually, you just trust your partner not to lie, and to talk honestly about their sexual health practices. Then you come to some sort of agreement on condom use based on that information, where you can both feel comfortable. Some people are religious about condom use until conclusive verified testing can be procured. Some people never go condomless, AND demand tests, AND only have sex in monogamous relationships. Some people don't give a shit about sexual health and never get tested and always push for bareback and hit on every girl they can. Some people fuck lots of different people. Some people fuck a few people here and there. Some people haven't had sex in years. Some people usually use condoms in casual sex but every now and again will slip up. Some only go bareback with steady partners, and are religious about condoms with everyone else. There are nearly infinite variations, and there is no established standard. So figure out what the situation is, and take the precautions you need to feel comfortable with the risks. I drive without a seatbelt, ride without a helmet, and fuck without condoms, but I still always have the conversation, try to minimize my risk, get tested a couple times a year, and talk to my partners about things as they change, so they can make an informed decision for their own sexual health, so I'm not completely irresponsible about it. And absolutely, there are a lot of people out there who are vastly more conservative about condom use than I am. But just because they completely dominate the conversation about sexual health doesn't mean you can't talk to your partners about it and be more liberal with things. In fact, most people are vastly less religious about both condom use and testing than they're likely to let on when people start talking sexual health, so don't feel like there's the condom-wearing majority and then the dirty minority who have all the diseases, there's no need to freak out any time you slip up and let a random guy come inside your ass. The vast majority of sexual acts, even casual sex, are unprotected, and your odds of getting something bad really aren't all that high. So don't worry. Just mitigate your risks according to your behavior and get tested every now and again. And incidentally, the use of condoms in the sex-positive community (poly, swinging, kinky) is more than double that of college campuses, where many people are having just as many new partners as your average swinger is likely to. Chalk it up to a more intellectual appreciation of sex making more space for sexual health discussions, the irresponsibility of youth, and the fact that while the few wild years are likely to break down and head towards monogamy for most young adults, sex freaks frequently keep that shit going for decades, driving up the lifetime chance of infection, even as the likelihood of catching something from each new partner remains low, thus making it more of a priority.
Just go to the Dr. together and get tested. It's not a big deal. I think it's very mutually respectful to have this done.
