The day was set, I was excited. It's been a fair few months since I last submerged my mind to the ether of psychedelia. My last trip was light-hearted and fun. Shed some unnessicary darkness and let me take the wing. This time though, there is business to attend. My good pal and trip buddy has already dosed on some 2c-i, and I was waiting with a parachute of 20mgs of 4-aco-dmt in my pocket. It was late in the evening, and I had already missed my chance to catch some daytrip hours. My set was good, it had been a great day. The setting was my favorite. Hiding in plane site at a public blues fest. And if that ever got old my friends house was just a few blocks away. Bottems up motherfuckers; I took my dose and we walked to the show. By the time I felt anything at all it was already dark. The absurdity of the grass and the faces of of the crowd set me into a fit of giggles. It's actually kind of tireing the way they keep exploding up through you seemingly from the ground beneath your feet. I found nothing funny. The music was good, and I gave myself over whole-heartedly to the constant undertow of brainwaves and exterior energies pulling me up and up and out and over. Around this point I noticed my partner was having a pretty rough time. She'd just gotten over a bad trip and I could tell the memory was tugging at her our usual trip synergy was moot, seeing as this time we took 2 compleatly different class of substances. Still, I could see that the crowd of people, which to me was just a sea of organic machinery, the heavy bass and wailing vocals of the blues fest was just exacerbating her anxeity. I decided we should go for a walk around the park... try to determin the source of this could of smoke that kept trying to wave me over. It was a sesory overload, which while distressing to some is pure entertainment to me. Later in the night, without all the externial stimuli.. I then would fall into my own fear. Deeper and darker than the simple nerviousness of being in such a public state. Children running in packs with glow sticks and blue light swords like some kind of strange squriming beast.. all lines of disctinction blurred in the dark. A singular beast of many limbs and frequencies with violently waving appendages of pure light. There was a group of teenagers to our left some 20 feet off. For no reason that I can discern, one of them broke free from the group... running on all fours like a wild dog pack into the crowd of fest-goers. Ignore this nonsense... it's time to get out of here. Walking with my friend back to her home I hit the next level of my experiance. I particullary enjoied the angles of the architecture around me. Passing cars sparkled in the street-lights and let loose long red trails in their leaving. Once we reached my friends house, I was feeling cocky. I was a psychedellic warrior... why did I ever let these things get to me? I am strong. I can sail any waters. I wanted a bump. Maybe another 5-10 mgs. But I wasn't really sure the proper method of bumping trypts... or even if it's done. Either way, my friend was in no state to take care of such complicated matters. I noticed a bowl by my side and packed it up. Each hit I took sent waves of euphoria through my body. My visuals were getting less subtle and began to take on a very serious overtone. I suddenly realized how far I propelled my peak, and it was a hard slap of humility. I thought in ways I never thought before. Though I did not no how to properly handel this state and could not guide myself I just sat in wonder as all sense of reality was sweept from under me in a passing rush of thought. This was not what I expected... this is not what I came for. As I recollected distant memories, my entire enviornment washed away and I was there. Right there. I could see the shape of my thoughts and how they fit together to form ideas. I cracked the genome of imanignation. It was a little much, it was kind of intimidating. It was about to get a lot more intense. As I marvled at the shape of my thoughts... the inexplicable depth of the edges. I don't even know what I am trying to explane this, but anyway. I was suddenly confronted with something of such massive scale and brightness. I could not fathom what my minds eye was showing me... and why I was no longer sitting in a room next to my friend. It was as though I ventured my way to the edges of my mind. I have never used this term before... but as jim morrison said "Break on through to the other side" I did break through, but not compleatly. I was increadably frightened by this. I felt like an ant being caught in the light from a kids magnifying glass... and trying to wonder what it meant. Now that I came out of it.. I can not help but wonder what it was that I verged upon confronting. The scale of it I can not describe. Upon seeing it I instantly turned my eyes away. For a moment I forgot everything. I forgot what I had done, what I was, who or why. For a breif moment in that light nothing of who I am remained. Is this ego-loss? Well then what else was there? Whatever shread of my ego remained pulled me away from what I verged upon. I remember thinking "I can't look at this, I can't be thinking about this. I need to think about my life." And then I noticed a heavy weight on my chest. I looked down and saw something on me. I reached to remove it and realized "This is my neckless... I can't take it off... I know what it is and it's anchoring me here" So I choose the anchor. I spent the next half hour trying to remember reality. Remembering things that I like... things I saw on the TV. Not for one moment even considering exploring further whatever the fuck just happened. I had a choice to make, and I choose life/reality. The only sad thing is I doubt that choice was as omnious as it felt at the time. It felt like the touch of God or some vastly superior force. And as a lowly human bound to life I didn't think I had the right to cast my eyes on it and still retain what I am. What I know myself to be. The rest of the night was spend discussing sanity and eating pot cookies.
Nice report, it was a very interesting read. If you try it again you should attempt to let go of the anchor. And I'm not sure I understand, did you bump or just smoke the bowl when you got back?
Just smoked the bowl. And yeah, I think I just went up a rank as psychonaut. Brain has defenitly learned some new tricks. The arcane doors are creeking open. But yeah, we'll see when I have the balls to take that next 25mgs. One great thing about tripping on the buddy system is you can focus on them when the waters get too deep for comfort and you need to stick your head up. But on the other hand, it would be interesting to just let go compleatly one of these days.
With experience you will learn that this is really all that matters to a psychonaut. Everything else is foreplay. I hope you lose your cherry soon don't be afraid to not tiptoe up in dose, if you want to meet the thing beyond scale.
Sounds pretty powerful Sam Stoned, very enjoyable read, your writing style is very unique and enjoyable to read.
You seem like you'd be fuckin' fun to trip with. Awesome report. I never read these things but this kept my attention all the way. Also, you should write a book
Something similar happened to me on 27mg. I got so close to something, but couldn't quite push it past the boundary. It wasn't that I was hesitant to let go, it just happened too late in the trip. I was already coming down and took 20mg melatonin which brought the trip back up a teeny bit, but not enough. The melatonin put me in the right frame of mind (opening up the doorways to dreams and yadda yadda...) but the 4-aco was waning in strength and it wasn't enough to take me there. I glimpsed it though! Tripping with buddy this time = good decision. More like the Alternate-Drowning system lol
try not to let the buddy system become a crutch of holding on to sobriety. remember, you are taking psychedelics here. what is the point of paying money for a psychedelic, setting aside time to take it, and taking it, just to frantically say " NO NO NO " once the psychedelic you paid for, reserved time for, and took, begins working? I recommend using the buddy system to encourage letting go, diving in. Use the buddy system to help each other go deeper, not have a firmer grip on the shallow end. my 2c. my friend is like this, every time we do psychedelics he whips out his little mental kit of "keep me rooted to sober reality". Why? Just don't do psychedelics then lol. but i know this is a comfort level thing, i'm very comfortable having my sober reality completely disappear and be replaced by something else, other people cannot handle this in any context ever, at all. with repeated exposures it gets easier, though i'm not sure what i think about the graduated dosing scheme. my intuition is that it's better to just dive on in to a high dose and not even give yourself a hope in hell of holding on to anything you recognize. less suffering ultimately this way i think. but maybe that just works for me!
nice read, sam. so were you completely terrified? was that enough to make it a "bad trip?" i mean, it sounded pretty awesome, even after you smoked weed and it started to get too intense. my third dose of 2ce was an eyeballed (only time) 20 mg. a few hours into it, my buddy and i smoked a few bongs. i got WAY too high. pink floyd was playing, probably way too loud. i lost myself. i couldn't think or say anything besides variations of "this is weird" my buddy was saying it too, and we both seemed brain dead to me. i felt like i wasn't ever gonna come down. but it only lasted a short (seemed long) while, and overall the trip was great. shit, i kinda can't believe i never took it higher. but that ~20 mg could have been 25. maybe it was this trip that made me think 20 was enough. my most recent trip was on mushrooms. i'm only telling these stories cuz i feel like they relate. i had a different experience than you. i was having a good trip, but i made my girlfriend feel bad by wanting to go for a walk alone. we got into a small argument, but because of the shrooms i took it pretty bad. that slumped me into a depressed mood for like an hour. i just couldn't shake it. i decided i had to, and after actively trying to just let it go, i kinda did. that's when i decided to smoke a bong, which definitely hit the spot. everything became hilarious after that, and i completely changed my mindset.
have you been able to do this? i have one tripping buddy (not anymore really) that was nice to trip with, because we always had the understanding that we could kinda do our own thing. at least not talk so much. he was into psychedelics for the same reasons as me it seemed so we could both enjoy laying on respective couches with eyes closed, dissolving into the music. but i could still go deeper on my own. i've never tripped with a buddy where there wasn't some aspect of it that kept me tied down just a tad
It's not so much like that for us. At least not for me. I know when I was having my hell trip, I would have killed to have S_S or any sitter who'd understand (i.e. someone other than my bf) just to have something else to focus on and get myself out of my own head just for a little while, so that I could go back in with an adjusted perception. I know I feel more comfortable letting go when we trip together, even if not on the same substance, because I know he's in a similar place and I don't feel so "lost in space"... floating out there alone on a tether that could break at any moment lol if that makes any sense... I know that at the end of the day, you are alone in everything you do, especially the deeply personal experiences that psychedelics produce, but there's definitely something empowering about the synergy you have with your trip partner that helps to ease the fear, should it arise.
This is one of the best trip reports i have read in a long time. Wow! What an amazing night/experience! Many of the questions you ask, you appear to answer quite nicely yourself. Keep asking, answering and integrating. i do not believe psychonauts have rankings, other than in their own heads . . . i implore all people to be wary of this as it can take people too deep too fast and they get burned - sophisticated psychonauts (still waiting to become one, but i definately married one) know their bodies, their substances, their sources, their doses and don't feel a tremendous need to keep trying bunches of new things and taking "heroic" doses. Though if they get the call, they don't hesitate to answer it. Kinda like Mr. Writer i think . . . My (DMT) Crystal Ball says: This experience will be the root to a new tree of growth in your psyche . . .
ya pork tripping with someone is always, always limiting IME, psychedelics are too personal and arcane for me to be able to fully explore them while in the company of someone else, even if they are on a higher dose (has never happened luls) SB, I trip with the intention of that tether snapping. The tether is not real, you will not float off and not return. Trust in the metabolic process, you always will come down. So might as well use that sacred and rare time in space to go as far out as possible and see all the rarest sights . . . why stay tied to low earth orbit over and over? it comes down to trust, that's what i've found. maybe i say too much and sound foolhardy, but hopefully some of this resonates and gives you something to think about in regards to your own mental world and your conceptions of letting go, tether, etc. i do find myself during trips occasionally looking for things to hold on to, but I catch myself doing that and address the root cause of me wanting to hold on. "No writer. Remember, you took this dose. This is what you took it for. Let it happen now, it will end by the laws of nature and you will be able to report back, so let it happen now. Commit. Respect. Trust." its hard to talk about this without sounding preachy i apologize.
Naaaah. I was pretty fucken shaken up and perplexed about this huge mass of uncomprehendable energy and form I found myself submerged it. But a few moments or even an hour or two of terror isn't enough for me to call something a bad trip. I couldn't even call salvia a 100% bad trip because it showed me something facinating. Horrible, but facinating. I consider this one of my better trips, because instead of just fucking around in visual land and giggling I got a chance to go deeper into myself and look at life from a much more RAW human veiwpoint. Before I took this dose I was falling into a bit of depression and starting to take on nihilistic perspectives on life. When I was confronted by that infinate mass of cosmic ether, even though I fled from it after only a few moments, it put me back in touch with the things about humanity I value most. In that catylclismic moment, I looked at the array of problems in my life... and compared to what I was facing it seemed almost tranquil. 4-aco-dmt for me has a tendancy to purge your soul of negitive energies... which is what I think I need now more than ever.
I recall sitting on my friends porch smoking a cigarette and watching the people walk back hone from the blues festivel. I wondered why that the base state for humanity has to be angry. I remember this little black kid walked by me and I noticed he kept fucking snapping his head to look back at me with this angry expression. I stared him right back down and heard him say something like "What the fuck are you smiling about?" Why? Why did it piss you off that some person you've never met and have no reason to interact with seems happy? At another point later in the night we heard some ruckus that was out of site down the block. A few moments later some guy was walking down the street towards us half running half marching muttering curses to himself. I deducted that he'd just gotten his ass kicked. I found it funny, but eh. And even later we say a group of guys walking down pretty boastful. I was quick to point out which one was the one to beat his ass. You can tell by how they act.. I grew up around this shit. lol, I know the streets. But yeah, the guy who got beat earlier was circling the block for a while in his car... and as they approached he killed his lights and just sat there waiting for them to come. This was when I decided to go back inside.
I enjoy the control though. I get much joy out of the fact that when ever by buddy is having a bad trip, I can just say "Don't worry, I'm in control here. I can protect and provide for you if you cannot atm for yourself" Then when I have a rough ride I usually jsut shut up and hope no one notices... cause that's not gonna be over till it's over. But it's odd... every time I need to be in control of a given situation... it's like my triop has the good grace to receed slightly for long enough. Like when we escaped from the crackhead in AC. Or when my buddy was bugging cause she got lost in the megaplex of hotel/casinos and I just pretended I knew exactly where we were going until she saw something she reconized. lol
on that same mushroom trip i was talking about, i saw was walking outside my apt. a hugh gust of wind came, which made me think "woah" in my head and close my eyes and smile. a little girl like 30 yards away, screams out in joy and starts running. not into the street or anything, just being a happy little kid. the old lady with her immediately yells "STOP IT! get over here." and it shocks the shit outta me, makes me get sad, and wonder, why the fuck CAN'T a person just run around outta pure joy?
Tripping in a room by yourself or anywhere by yourself is always fun because it's fucking bonkers. But with friends it's nice because you get the whole bonding experience. Buddy system is imperative in anything where things can turn wrong very fast. Scuba diving, rock climbing, tripping on acid. All points in life where you really get to know yourself but, you should have someone there just in case
re-reading my post these were I think the apex of the experiance My family has a history of mental illness.
