Cutting all contact with my mother.

Yup I'm done allowing her to manipulate me.
Anyone im the same boat..??
ANy advice...?

 

Maybe you just need some time apart, she sounds like she needs a kick up the butt to realise you are your own person. Maybe the distance and with time she will respect you better. No need to burn bridges right? .. good luck.

 

Yes your right i need alot of time away from her.
didnt realize this til' this morning.
Thank you MM18!

 

just remember the crap she had to put up with raising you...and then maybe her crap wont seem so bad

 

She left me and my sister for 6 fucking years. We were living back and forth with aunts.
Then she came back was remarried and with a son (my half brother)and she wanted us back.I was small so i didn't know what happened. All throughout my childhood she physically and mentally abused me.
My biological father passed aways when my mom was in labor of me. She never let me see a picture of him or even tell me what happened.
At 16 i ran away all this bullshit happened and now im living with my boyfriend soon to be 2 years.Happier than ever.
I started talking to my mom but she hasn't changed.

 

ok..I take that back then

 

Chop someone else's toe off and send it to her in a stamped envelope.

 

My older brother died from brain cancer 21/2 years ago and she didnt give a fuck.

 

Chop a whole foot off? :frown:


That's really awful, sorry to hear that SL

 

i try not to think about it,because i get confused.
My childhood was a fucking blur and i hate her for doing that to me.

 

Is she trying to make your life better by dealing with you roughly, or is she trying to make it worse? People make mistakes. Doesn't mean you have to love her or even like her, but I think you have to assess if you dealt/are dealing with the situation as well as you could. Cutting her off completely will neither make neither party happy. Just don't take part in conflict. If she wants to argue, say, "I understand your feelings, but we're not going to have an argument where either of us are going to yell and fight and be upset." Be willing to have discussions. Stop when either of you start yelling. She's got a few years on you and probably some useful advice, and if she were such a bad mom, she'd blow you off for being a lousy kid. She's trying. Give her some credit.

 

Exactly the advice your giving me is the person i have been with her. I doesn't work with her,she'll go on and on with her games. She didn't think i was going to completely cut contact with her because i've always been that sweet ,nice girl with her. I always told myself im never going to leave my mother behind,even though her mistakes.' I never stood up for myself and asked for respect.And im getting tired of it. Thank you for the advice i'll keep in mind.

 

You don't have to like her. It's definitely strained. I understand. I don't care much for my mom either. For some people it gets better with age. For most people, it does. If it doesn't, that's okay, too.

 

make her some chili..

 

Good point.Thank you.

 

To be fair, I think time makes everyone's childhood a blur.

But I'm with Imaginary Being and the foot thing.. just make sure it's not mine =)

 

Some people are not cut out to be parents, but many don't realize that until they've had kids.

In time you might learn to accept your mother the way she is and have some limited contact with her, but you need to make it clear that she needs to either stay out of your business or get out of your life. Blood isn't always thicker than water.

 

It sounds as if life has been a roller coaster ride. You are fortunate in that you have managed to do the ride and cope.

By cutting all ties are you patterning a learned behaviour from her. Is this going to solve the issues or is it going to mask the issues. By cutting ties, there is no resolution in your relationship with her only finality.

Finality is something that for some is a coping tool. It appears from what you have posted it is the pattern your mother uses. She may try to pick up the pieces periodically but her mainstay of emotional balance is to walk away.


You in no way can change who she is or how she parents but you can control or change how you deal with that.

You may not wish to repeat patterns that you do not care for by indirectly repeating them.

As a grown up, you need to do what is right for you but you also owe it to yourself to really understand your own triggers in doing so.

I wish all the best for you during this difficult process of self sorting.

 

must disagree with some of the sentiments expressed here. I think cutting her off and having nothing to do with her could be exactly the right thing. I don't know that for sure, but I think there is something to be said for this approach in the right situation.

In general, yes, it's good to try to fix relationships that are salvagable and not burn bridges. But it's also good to recognize when a relationship is bad and end it.

It's like when someone is thinking about getting a divorce. It's great to work things out and try to patch things together. However, if the relationship is abusive, probably better to cut ties.

If her mom is in the habit of abusing her, there is a good chance that she is just going to keep up the same crap. Cutting her off may be a good idea.

An ultimatum might not be bad either, like "go to therapy, learn not to abuse me, realize what you did to my life, and maybe then I'll want to talk to you. That'll take you at least a couple years. See ya in a couple."

 

I haven't really said what I think. I think, even if your mother is the shittiest person in the world, and I am talking about anyones mum here, you only get one.

And it doesn't have to mean biologically. Same applies to an adoptive mother from birth, whoever you had called 'mum' firsthand. There's always a way and a mean to get things to work out, forgiveness is a test of your character and not theirs.