Not normally one to go seek attention or whatever it is Im doing here but, Im here none the less with a weight of an extensive magnitude has found itself on my back. I know some of you have been where I am so, lets see what youll have to say about this: Im 19 and living alone. My dad is helping me out with rent and Ive only got car related shit, utilities, food, and school to pay for. Not a bad deal, I know, but Im poor as dirt and living alone. I eat alone, sleep alone, work alone, walk alone, smoke alone, 90% of my waking life is spent alone. Last year I wouldve had no trouble meeting people, now I cant confront people because I dont want to deal with meeting all their friends, learning new faces, new ways, and the drama that comes with it. Ive been sucked into my own world where all I do is what I want to do or need to do. Most of all though, I want out. Whenever Im at home, alone, and sober I feel confined. I feel like I couldnt get out or away from where I am even if I tried. I want more than anything to say "Fuck all, peace" and drift around the world. Then logical me comes in and says "Suck dick, get a degree, then ditch." I dont care if I get a degree or not, really just doing it to keep my parents satisfied and that I might get a job that I would seriously enjoy; but Id be much happier exploring everything. I want more than anything to just drop it all and live out my life on some deserted island I stow away to. The problem is, I cant bring myself to do it no matter how bad I want it I just want out
youre only 19. Stick it out, your life will get more interesting as you grow older, if you really want it to.
get a good job that is seasonal so you can make shitloads of cash when you work and then break loose on the off season to do whatever you want
you're dissatisfied because you have isolated yourself and haven't found out what you want, on the desert island you would become miserable. when in need you came here, a weak form of company. Meet people if you want advice go out and talk to strangers, talk to classmates. People think they can survive alone but most can't, and even fewer can be happy at it. of course things could be a lot worse and I'll go out and I would say my situation is a lot worse than what you've told me and by struggling to make it better it now looks better than yours, so try for a week to just go out and do your duties trying to be positive and fulfilled.
Remember you have your OWN place which is hard for a lot of people to have. The other is that if you work towards meeting people at school and talkin about chillin at there house you can meet loads of people and then if you get tired go back to home base. I lived alone for the first 3 years out of high school and later when i moved out of state i did after for a year. If you learn to meet people not at your place but at theres living alone is the best! Take advantage of it bro because a lot of people can't afford to live alone when they wish they could due to roommates who have little or no regard for roommates. Every house i have lived in there is always a roommate that is a bad apple that totally fucks everything up. Making me WISH i lived alone again. good luck
You may be able to deal with both the poverty issue and the isolation issue at the same time. Try moving in with a roommate, but do a good job checking them out ahead of time. Even better perhaps to rent your own 2-bedroom, then interview a bunch of people to be roommates. When you have a couple you like, get some references, maybe a credit report (background check?). My experience with roommates has been that PhD students seem to be the most together and the least likely to create drama. They might not want to move in with a 19 y.o. though, unless you come across as being mature. Living with roommates can be great if the roommates are great, and it can be hell if the roommates suck. I don't know what the realestate laws are like where you are, but if you are the lease holder, you might be able to sublet to one or more roommates on a tenant-at-will basis, that way you could kick them out if there is trouble. Unfortunately, it's pretty hard to separate being social from drama, especially in the sort of world we live in today. Hopefully you can find some positive, low drama social relationships. Sometimes schools offer free counciling with a social worker. If your school does, you might want to look into it. If it's free, what the hell, why not? Maybe when you meet someone, you could just draw a line and say you don't want to also meet all of their friends too for the reasons that you listed. Over time, if you get to know someone well, you might want to also meet their friends over time. Part of the problem may be the school that you are going to. One possibility is to transfer to another school that has a better social environment. I'm guessing that you are going now to a commuter school? Usually schools with dorms will require freshman and sophmores to live on-campus.
You do not want that, the longer you isolate the sooner your avoidance turns to fear. Fear of commitment of a friendship or relationship, trust me I have isolated myself for fifteen years and it does not go away it just gets worse everyday.
Join the military and see the world Free room & board, military issue clothing and good food They’ll make a man out of you so you won’t have to hide in your bedroom like a scared little mouse Hotwater
I was kinda high when I wrote this, but the doesnt mean the words go unappreciated. Thank you all, even those up there who just said to stop bitching haha. I guess I just needed some reassurance. I really dont complain about being alone until someone brings up that their tired of being alone, so I bring it up to shut them up. Im fine now, still alone but whatever. I took the time to look around and see what I thought I might have been missing out on, turns out the same shit I didnt care about in high school is what college kids do too. I just go explore whats around me and smoke whenever Ive got nothing to do. When someone invites me somewhere Ill go if I want to. Problem with idiots today is they dont know what "no" actually means so: drama. I guess I dont like people much anyway so complaining about being lonely is as dumb as shit itself, and for that I hope you guys forgive me xD Hotwater: fuck the military. My grandma needs a travel companion so Im taking a year off school to travel the world with her next year. Im stoked as fuck.
