It's not what it looks like I swear!

Here it is. A few years back my parents split and my mom ended up with the house a small ranch. The thing is she couldn't handle it by herself so I got a cousin to move in to "help out". Well that went south he didn't do jack and payed only like a couple hundred dollars a month rent. I didn't like what I saw so I moved back and kicked him out. I rent the upstair of a large home and help out in almost all of my spare time. I'm 35 employed fulltime yet I don't know how to tell women about the situation. I'm trying to help out my mother but at the same time I'm looking like a real smuck. anyway of presenting this to the ladies so I don't look totally lame? Does it make more sense for me to leave Mom high and dry and shell out half of my income for a cramped apartment so I can save face? Suggestions?

 

Sounds To Me Like You Love Your Mom....

Any Woman With Anything More Than Half A Brain, Will Understand And

Commend You For Sticking By Her....

Hope You Find The Right Girl That Appreciates You....



Cheers Glen.

 

How do you go about explaining this though right up fromt or what?

 

Be Upfront And Honest From The Beginning, If Your Girl Cannot Accept

That In Good Faith, Then Tis She That Has The Problem, Not You....


Cheers Glen.

 

It's not like you're lurking in your mom's basement, ordering pizza with her money and playing video games all day long. You're in a position to help out your mom, so you're doing it. I think that's extremely respectable. I actually regret the fact that I am not in a position to help out my parents at the moment, I know they could use it. I would love to be able to start repaying them for all the help they've given me over the years, and I plan to as soon as I get on my feet.

My bf owns his parents' house, pays the mortgage and taxes, and helps his stepdad do heavy construction to the addition on the weekends, not to mention pulls most of the weight around our apartment while I'm unfortunately still looking for work. It shows that you get shit done and are a good provider. Any girl that doesn't find that appealing is probably not going to be satisfied with anything anyway so don't waste your time.

 

I just seem to have a hard time telling women the right way. I told the last one who I haven't heard back from "I rent the upstairs of my moms house" and she repeated that with a hint of both discust and amazement. I try to explain but it comes out all wrong and it sounds like I'm some loser making excuses. My voice gets higher and sounds a bit defensive. When you tell people you always get the same looks of "oh my God" and a slight smile like they just then realized how much better they are than you lol. People are funny and I pick up on that. I hate having to explain myself and when I do I overdo it. Women always ask "so do you live alone or...." and when I fill in the blanks with ANYONE I get that look. You are right I bust my ass working around here in fact I just bought a paint sprayer and 20 gallons of paint so she wouldn't have to pay somebody to do it.

 

easy just tell them you live there to look after your mum and help keep the place up and give her some cash towards the expenses every month ie water electricity tax etc until the market picks up and the place can be sold so you can buy your own place and a smaller place for your mum that doesn't require so much upkeep for her.

i wouldnt start with the line i rent the upstairs of my mums house, doesnt matter how you say it, it wont go down too well with the women.

in life you dont have to explain yourself to no fucker, whats your business is your business.

Ive met plenty of people who thought they were better than me just coz they have a better job, education or whatever i dont care im happy enough with what ive got and just coz someone thinks theyre better than you doesnt mean to say they are.

Relax its all good

 

Are you kidding me?? That is SOO sexy. I once went to this one guys place, his mom wasn't doing so well with money and just went through a bad breakup so he was letting her stay with him. I thought that was sooooooo nice , and I showed him just how nice I thought he was. He also had the most adoreable dog, I love guys who love dogs. It also helped that he had like 10 different bongs in his living room and handed me a brownie made from a batch with an ounce in it. LOL!! So all in all...really awesome. And the mom thing wasn't a fault infact it was a perk. Especially since his mom seemed to be so nice.

I think it would be different if you weren't working or weren't really doing anything with your life. But you work full time, and you're doing this to help her.

 

Just be up front and say it. Not being defensive is a good start. "I live in the same house as my mother as then I am able to assist her and it works well for us. "

Sad when being family oriented and caring makes for questions.

If you meet someone who grasps the concept of, if it were her, you would put her and your family first, keep her.

 

This thread is full of win replies! Just sayin'.

Looks like to who..

You should be proud of yourself!

 

I think that the ideal thing is to find someone who is capable of loving you for who you are rather than making snap judgments about you based on how things "sound". That could be hard to do though. I think that the fear of rejection or ridicule would make it hard to talk about where you're at, since you are more likely to encounter someone who is going to pass judgment than someone who is not.

You might want to check out a rainbow family gathering. Generally speaking, there is a different set of values there. I think that many people (not all), rightly see the corruption and superficiality of the values of society, and in particular stand against the point of view that someone without money, status, and power is sub-human or non-human.

There may be other communities that you can find where you can be judged more by your character than by superficialities, if you must be judged at all.

In some sense the difficulty of your circumstances could be helpful in so far as someone who would not be phased by your living situation would likely be a worthwhile person. Still there's more than one way to handle the situation.

In principle, one thing to do would be to find other guys in a similar situation and all rent an apartment/ small house collectively. Even if you had to put three bunk beds in a room to make it affordable, saying "I live in a tiny apartment with a bunch of roommates" would probably sound better than "I live with my mom" to most girls.

The best approach may be simply to find someone else to rent the upstairs, or talk to you mom about her either selling the house or moving into an apartment and renting out the whole house. I think it is great and admirable that you are helping your mom out, but I don't think that you have to make yourself a martyr here.

 

you should be proud with your head up on this one. Don't wear your living conditions on your chest for women to read...they don't need to know this up front...

I do see your concerns with how it may look and the above poster hit the nail on the head. Get the place in your name, tell mom she can stay there for as long as shes alive and that you'll take care of her. I'd also show mom this thread and let her know your feelings and fears... I got a feeling here that mom might be able to help you out.

 

I thank all of you for the help. She is not going to sell the house though