Dating a musician

Okay, is anyone else here involved with a musican? If so do you find that it brings problems into your relationship and how did you overcome them?

 

i've dated a couple and my roommate has been dating one for over two years (actually she and he are my roommates hehe). we're well experienced in the world of dating musicians, so here is my guide to dating a musician haha.

i live in winston salem, nc, and there is a large arts school here so there are a few kids who graduated from there and stay here to gig and teach and etc.

problems? well the main thing is that they have a lot of evening obligations. i don't know what kind of musician we're talking about though - my roommate gigs at least 5 nights a week though, and one of the guys i dated gigged at least twice a week. if it's a regular gig, you know you won't ever have a date on mondays, wednesdays, and saturdays or whatever dates they are hehe. and if it's not, then you have to know that you can't always plan something for a couple of weeks in the future because they might get a great gig and have to take it. there's also practices if it's a band or orchestra situation, and those are usually very long and very often.

also, they're in social situations all the time. late night social situations. with people. which can mean a lot of drugs, a lot of drinking, and a lot of exposure to other women. so if you're the jealous type, i'd imagine it'd get really irritating hehe. because women will come onto them, because hey, they're the cool musicians! and the drinking and drugs thing has obvious implications.

they're also probably not going to have a lot of money until they're well established. gigs for unknown muscians in my town run anywhere from $20-$50. if you're in a place like new york, expect to be earning nothing.

but on the upside - hey you're dating a musician! and that's cool. he can sing to you or play his instrument and woo you and that's awesome. and they tend to have a wide social circle so you make lots of new friends who are at least topically interesting. and of course they're all different, just like anyone else.

i think the best way to overcome these problems is to #1 be dating a guy who is in control of himself enough not to become a coke head or an alcoholic, #2 be dating a guy who actually really honestly wants to date YOU, because to do so, he will be making an effort, because it's hard to work as a musician. it's easy to have flings, it's hard to have relationships, and #3 trust him. if he's not trustworthy, it'll kinda not work. think of all the women he meets every night when he gigs. with a trustworthy guy, no problem! with an untrustworthy one? you have a musician man whore on your hands.

oh and #4 be understanding when he has to work all the time. at night. during prime date time.

this was really long. hope it's helpful hehe.

 

I'm going to have to agree with what SuperNova is saying. I've dated a musician or two and for the most part, it's exciting, but there are a lot of drawbacks! I remember when I lived with a musician and if I didn't go to a gig...he'd call me at 4 A.M. needing me to come pick him up at the bar cuz he was way too sloshed to drive.

The upside is, you can get great networking for yourself. I'm a dance instructor, so the industry is great for me. I've met some really interesting and amazing people at different gigs. AND it's great to be able to dance to the music your significant other is playing. I remember when I dated a guitar player and he loved seeing me dance to something he created.

Bottom line, like any relationship, you need to be careful...and don't jump into a serious relationship with him because like SuperNova said, you don't know if he really wants to be with you, or if it's just some groupie-thing. I believe it takes a special person to date a musician...because most girls are too sensitive or get jealous too easily. Jealousy and the music industry certainly do not mix well.

 

A lot of musicans are self absorbed.

Another thing is, you dont just go out with the musicican, you go out with his band too.... and that sucks, you become part of their dirty little world

and its easy to become a convinient sales chick... who does all the jobs they should do without pay

 

hahaaa.

 

haha oh yes, be prepared to become the merch girl.

is this the sort of band that would go on distant tours, or would they mostly stay in town? i guess that goes back to trust, like pretty much everyone said.

 

Well, I guess I left this very open ended. Thanks for all the replys. We've been together for almost a year and we were best friends for 2 years b/4 we were together so we definatly have that trust bond thing. I trust him. My only problem at this point is that he is in 2 bands. We both work during the day and then right after we get off work we have time to come home and change and then go to band practice and then the next band practice until they can't play anymore. It didn't used to be like this. I just wish that he had more time for me, this is something I'm trying to get used to. At this point they haven't started playing any gigs, but I know at least one of his bands is ready for that. I support him all the way in his dream, and I know that this is slowly becoming my life, which is just hard to get used to I guess.

 

the most important thing to a musician is the music. thats just the way it is.

 

eh i dunno. i'm pretty damn sure my roommate's boyfriend (my other roommate haha) who is the musician loves her just as much as his music.

 

supernova, your post made me feel very good inside. thank you.

 

well i'm glad you're welcome!

 

This is really weird, you perfectly described the situation my guitar player is in, He is in two bands, one of which is starting to play out and the other which will start playing out in a month or two. Luckily both bands only practice once a week as far as I know and the rest of the time he spends with his girl. I dont even get to see him, and hes been a good friend of mine for going on 6 years now. Im sure your boyfriend is trying the best he can too see you and spend time with you, im sure it wouldn hurt to make a date so you get some quality time. Be sure you dont nag him too much or you will alienate him and stress him out.

 

i'm a musician, and yeah the music is majorly important in my life, like, a VERY VERY big thing, but i reckon it's the same with me and any other musician, there IS someone that i really truely love, and she comes above the music. I have made mistakes in the past and upset her, stupidly. At the end of the day, the person you love is more important.
and i'm a pretty intense musician

 

Love and music often go hand in hand...lots of the former result in plenty of the latter....

 

one of his bands plays everyday except wed and his other one plays about 1-3 times a week. I know that ulitimatly I am more important than his music but music is very important to him. If I gave him an ulitimatim he would choose me but I would never ever ever do that. I think that's why I'm so great for him. If you really love someone you wouldn't make them choose b/w 2 of the things he loves the most. I've thought about it a lot latley and if music ever came in the way of us then he would either have to slow down or I would leave him though, b/c I need to be happy too and I would never ask him to quit playing music for me, how happy would he be if he did that?

 

I have never dated anyone who WASN'T a musician, but I'm a musician myself so that simplifies things a bit...

 

My boyfriend of 2 years is a musician, and there are absolutely no problems. I love that he is following his passion and I'm so proud of what he does. I understand how important music is to him...it's just as important to me. I know that music and I are the two most important things in his life. I would never stand in the way of his passion. He shares what he does with me, and I'm always happy to hear his music, and I always encourage and support him. He doesn't alienate me from his musical life.

 

i'm dating a musician... not yet it hasn't caused any problems..

 

Im a musician and women are the most important thing in my life all of you then everyone else, then music, then a whole heap of other things then me!!

 

i do and its not really a problem because we have the same taste in music, and i like what he does.

the thing is, if ur with someone who's really passionate about something, esp a certain style of music, and it's something u cant stand or compromise on or support, it wont work out!

something that important to someone would have to be shared.

and if ur upset about ur man not spending time with u and going to practice, just realize it takes a lot of work to put something that large together and have it sound good....and ur the one he thinks about for inspiration