Whining ahead...closet case looking for advice.

I'm 26.

I've had some experience with women but relationships with men. Some people know that I'm bisexual, but I am definitely only into women.

I thought that I could make myself feel the same thing I feel for women for men, and I tried VERY hard. I did the bisexual thing for TEN years and failed, am just now realizing how much time I've wasted. I knew that I was gay when I was 16...and now I just don't know what to do.

I really have no one I can talk to about this. My friends don't get it, some of them are bi women but they don't understand what's it like to not even have the OPTION of dating a man and settling down, living a life that looks relatively normal and is easily accepted by society. Most of my friendships right now are pretty shallow, as well.

I just wish I had dealt with all of this years ago now I feel like I've missed my chance or something. I don't fit in in with most lesbians. I have a pretty feminine appearance. People who know me very well probably don't think I'm completely straight, I think most people think that I'm bi unless I tell them otherwise.I don't want to change the way I look or who I am but I don't think anyone really understands me.

I want to reach out but I don't know how. I don't fit into any of the subgroups. I'm not femme enough to be femme, don't have extremely feminine nor masculine interests. I'm not necessarily androgynous, either. It's not that I'm all that concerned about belonging to a group in general, but I'd like to have some place to start.

I really don't know what to do, I'm floating in space. I'd feel foolish going to LGBT groups in my area. What do I have in common with them, aside from being gay? The whole thing is intimidating to me and I'm 26 years old. These people all seem like they would be so far ahead of me, I'm not at all established and I feel like a child.

Just looking for some comfort, honestly. I know that I can't go on dating men. I don't know how I was able to delude myself for as long as I did, I'm not ever going to be in love with one. I am very much into women and the thought of a woman loving and needing me is really all I want.

How the hell am I going to do this? I'm really lost e_e

 

How would you know whether or not you have anything in common with people, if you don't go and meet them?!

 

FlippingmyBISKITS, twenty six is NOT old to be coming out. its super difficult at any age to come out. as for not feeling like you fit in with the queer world: i think its a common experience. ive a few relationships with women and i still dont feel comfortable! their is something about walking into a room full of dykes that is scary as hell. you need to just bite the bullet and do it! you need to meet other lesbians! anyway im here to chat anytime

 

I think you and I are a lot alike. I'm not what I would consider a femme or a lipstick lesbian but I'm also definitely not butch or andro. I'm a sort of middle-ground, average girl lesbian. While I do like to gussy up sometimes and enjoy being in a dress, I'm just as comfortable in a tank and jeans or playing sports with the guys or call of duty.

I think this is a lot more common than you think. People tend to think of things in generalizations (stereotypes). This behaviour is totally normal. It's easy to think of all lesbians as fitting into these neat little categories, but the truth is a lot of us do not. There's lots of us "girl next door" types out there. It's intimidating, of course, but the sooner you get yourself out there and start interacting with the world with curiosity and honesty, the sooner you'll find happiness.

 

OP, everyone else in this thread is right. There's just as wide a range of lesbians, as there is straight women. You're stereotyping all lesbians, which is silly. There'll be lots of other lesbians who have a similar personality to you. You just have to seek them out.

 

It's good to hear this.

From the outside it just seems like everyone has it together, I wouldn't think that other lesbians might be intimidated by a room full of dykes. Definitely know what you mean, even the word is intimidating.

As far as the stereotyping goes, I know that I'm doing it but it's because I really don't have too much personal experience with lesbians. The experience I have had with women was with other bisexual or even straight women. I've had some lesbian friends and most of them actually did fit into the niches quite nicely, one even told me that I shouldn't be interested in femmes because I am one. I guess that's what she considered me, I am certainly MORE femme than anything else, I suppose.

Anyway, it's not that I mean anything by it, but it is all very intimidating to me and since I'm still relatively ignorant of the inner workings and subtleties of lesbian culture, the stereotypes are really all I have to work with.

 

I totally felt the same way you do.... until I got out there and met people. Straight or gay you will find people you like and want to be friends with.... and you will meet people youd rather NOT talk to again! HA

My parents raised me extremely religious and being gay was NOT an option in my family, and none of my friends understood. So I did what was expected of me and married men. Two actually. And divorced them both. I realized half way through my second marriage that being with a man wasnt what I wanted and I didnt care anymore about what others thought. If my friends didnt accept me for who I was, then they werent my friends to be begin with. I JUST came out to my parents after dating my partner for a year a few months ago! And ya know what? They were completely supportive. My religious nut parents were COOL! Who would have thought HA!? They love my partner and said that they were glad I finally found happiness.

I say you just get out there and BE YOURSELF.... If you arent true to yourself, you cant be true to anyone else.

Im here if you wanna chat!

 

hey! you should date whomever youre attracted to. one day you may like stone butches (usually means a women who you would mistake for a man) other days you may like femmes (usually women you would assume are straight). and other days you may like andros (women who arent really men or women). Just go with who you like, dont listen to what others tell you... if you did that odds are you would still be dating men!

if youre in school you should take some classes in sexuality studies. they really help me to understand sexuality and how incredibly complicated and diverse it is.

I would suggest you start watching TV shows like the L word. its great and youll learn a somethings about gay culture. Also watch a movie called shortbus and hedwig and the angry inch. watch Bound (classic lezzie movie) hmmmmm what else...


comon people! help name some lezzie must-sees

 

Totally L Word! LOVE IT!

But Im a cheerleader if you wanna go funny.

Better Than Chocolate

If these walls could talk 2

and MY FAVORITE: Imagine Me & You