my bf who i loved just broke up with me cus hes been depressed and doesnt want to drag me down (his brother is in the service). lately hes been so upset, not himself, just so depressed in every way. and no matter what i did he wouldnt open up to me. he wouldnt call me, pushed me away. he told my best friend that he didnt want to bother me with his problems. we just got into a fight about something else that i thought he blew outta proportions, and then he goes and breaks up wit me cus hes depressed...and thats wheni realised that he blew it outta proportions cus he wasnt in a stable mind to begin with. i talked to his mom (who loves me hehe) and she said that he just has never opened up, ever, and he really didnt wanna drag me down, but to still b friends cus he still needs someone, and she has faith itll still work out. so i gues the meaning of this thread isnt more my actual relationship, but rather, y do ppl hide their feelings? i mean, i was his gf, why didnt he want to come to me of all ppl? and now he pushed me the farthest i can go. dont know if this can really have an answer, but i loved him, and just wanted to get a better understanding of his mind. so if anyone else is like this with their feelings, please post some ideas on how he thinks, and what i should do. thank you
He just needs a little time to work stuff out. Sometimes it's hard to deal. He'll be in touch shortly.
its hard to open up, a lot of pple cant, i cant. BUT it doesnt mean he doesnt love u, its just a v personal issue and he needs to fix it on his own. give it time, stay by his side like his mother suggested...
Be gentle with yourself. Some people just need time with themselves so sort through emotions. It hurts to be pushed away, and to push someone away. Be a kind friend, offer gentle support and in time, he will open up when ready. I am sorry you hurt, and I am keeping you both in my thoughts. *gentle hugs*
Why do people hide their feelings? Not to bother other people. Not to seem weird with any of their problems. Not to let people know how they feel. Not to show any weakness, or just because they don't want to.
Sometimes men have a hard time opening up and talking about how they truly feel inside. Many men can feel that it can be a sign of weakness, so they shut down instead of communicating. Perhaps he feels that he has to be the "strong one" and that by expressing himself in such a vulnerable way would feel like a defeat to him. That doesn't make it right, or wrong, but the key is to let him know that you are there for him when he wants to talk. By showing your support and understanding, he may become more comfortable with the idea of "letting it all out" so-to-speak. Depression can isolate people. Don't feel that his actions were caused by something that you did, or didn't do. Sometimes people have a hard time admitting that they aren't always in control of things, that they're not as strong as they want to others to see them as. Maybe he felt that admitting he was having problems with depression would make you view him differently, not see him as "manly". Don't fault yourself. Depression can be a very difficult thing for one to admit to, and often-times people want to hide it from others. Good luck sweetie... Peace.
it might depend a little on ehow long you two had been dating, or the relationship style you guys had.... my ex and I dated for 3mo but our relationship was more sex than anythign else. I didn't want to bother him with my depression, because it didn't seem to factor into the relationship equation for us (we only saww each other once a week, and I was usually happy then) anyways, like hippychickmommy said, depression isolates people. You feel like there's no one out there who cares about you, or who notices what you're going through. when people do try and poke into your life to try and find out, you find it invasive and wonder why the hell they won't back off and let you deal. It's completely irrational, but true. I would say just still be there for him, even if it's only in a friendship capacity instead of a boy/girl one.
ty guys, really, i AM there for him too, thing is i really cant b THERE for him cus he never talks about being sad, just other stuff, so im there just to talk about other stuff i would still feel like shit if i didnt pass my driving test yesterday, the happiness gave me the ability to talk to him on good normal terms, in normal converstations, u no? but he is sorta manly, no, into masculinity, and i remember a long time ago havign a conversation with him about how he hasnt cried since he was little, and never will cus he thinks it is very unmanly to cry, which is soooo wrong, but w/e, hes too thick headed to listen to me lol so he doesnt cry, and i think the holding in his feelings thing may b the same way, he thinks its unmanly to show emotion... and him and i were going out for one month and 24 days, but have sorta been courting for 2 months b4 we went out, no sex, just fooling around (doing everything but penitration lol) and hanging out, and like ihmurria, i only got to see him usually once a week... idk, i just wish guys in general would just friggin open up lol
hmmm...crying is actually good for you. Good for depressed people. I know, it sounds odd, but it releases some sort of chemical in your body (I'm thinking endorphines, but I could be wrong) that help beat off depression somewhat. Bizarre.
Males usually dont like to open up, we dont talk about our problems like females do, we like to solve them ourselves so just give him some time and he'll sort it out himself
mb, coming from someone older who also has a tendency to swallow down painful emotion to avoid it or to just resign myself to the situation through cynicism, I can tell your bf that it takes a much stronger man to cry and make himself vulnerable to another person than it does to stay hidden inside himself afraid to let someone in to truly know him. True love is allowing one another to bear each others burdens as well as the pleasurable stuff. Make your bf read this. If he is honest with himself he should realise that this is just a defence mechanism he has to protect himself. Maybe he only just wants to be friends with benefits as you are now, but is too young to know what he wants long term so thats why he doesn't want to feel obligated to invest all his pain into it and make it serious. I dunno your relationship so i can't say whether or not that isn't also a factor. The times I HAVE cried have, however, been very cleansing but once a person has been hurt by that level of trust its hard to give it to another person and if it happens several times it can take a nuke to break through the barriers one can build around his/her heart. Just a few nuggets of gleaned wisdom from an aging cynic! lol.
ty very much for this post, mayb one day when the conversation comes up again ill send this to him, if that ever happens. we were going out, and now wer just friends, with benefits? idk yet lol i hope so though haha, but u no....that makes so much sense as to y guys dont want to open up, anyone for that matter...i sorta feel bad. and i know guys dont like to open up like girls, and saying that makes it sound like if they did theyd b femme or something, but its not, i just wish guys didnt think that either... and with the crying, yea, it IS true, iv heard that b4, and i feel it too, like after a good cry, its somewhat comferting lol ty again guys
If it helps, some people don't know that they're not opening up, and don't know how they're percieved, even by their close friends and loved ones. For example, I knew a guy who would do all kinds of things with no apparent reasons, and when I asked why he didn't understand why I didn't know (despite him never telling me or giving hints). I've done the same with some people, once someone just told me I wasn't open with them about my feelings and I never knew that they felt like that, I thought I was open about it. Basically what I'm saying is maybe he doesn't know how you feel, sometimes its better to not ask about them and how they feel (in your case his depression), but how they make you feel (in your case left out and shut out). It's safer talking about your own feelings, because they're what you know, and in cases like this you don't exactly know what's going on in his head..Usually the guy takes the hint and replies with how he feels..It's also non-threatening too, they don't feel like they have to talk about themselves, just that they need to respond to your feelings..
well i think he knows hes closed off, just from things hes said to others and such, and id prolly go right away and talk about my feelings, but id feel bad , u no, like i was being selfish, idk lol knowing him hed still not say anything, and then id feel bad cus now my feelings would b an extra load for him to think about lol but im not in any way shape or form saying that that isnt great advise! ty very much for it, and it would make sense for ppl that they didnt knkow what they were doing
