I wrote this for a really close guy friend of mine. He broke my heart </3 and I am still getting over it and this was back in June. It proves you don't have to be together to get your heart broken. Honestly four years ago I would have imagine that meeting you would turn out the way it has. I didn’t see myself falling for you, or you breaking my heart either. I don’t know if you will actually time to read this, but it will be somewhat cathartic for me. We just started out as simple friends, who happened to live sorta close to each other. Then I found out you cared about me, and then I realized I cared too. Okay so that meant we were two friends still that liked each other more than friends. Once this happened we had honest conversations quite often, I learned something from that. I learned how to trust someone other then my best friend with my personal thoughts. Yet, the best thing I learned is what exactly most guys think of, that was brought forward from your honesty. However we never took the next step of becoming really more than friends, as much as we talked about it. Honestly I really hate this next part, this the part when you got a girlfriend. I remember that part like it was yesterday I felt betrayed, because now I am questioning almost everything we ever talked about. I am almost positive that I can trust you didn’t tell me in fear of hurting me. However, I did break and I might still be broken for a while, but life moves on and I have to. But, I've been contemplating if we should still try to be friends or not, I really don't know. So now that we aren’t talking really, it bothers me the way I kinda handle things when I last talked to you. Because I don’t know how you feel about me anymore really, but I think I am okay with that even though half of me still wants to know. Anyways I hope you have happiness even though that’s not with me, and I hope you stay safe while in the Navy. Peace and Love, Christina PS: I posted this on a different part of the forum and I was suggested to post it here.
Well written, poetic. As far as the situation, that's the way she goes sometimes. It sucks, I guess I have been in a similar situation, but now I am on the other side of the matter with the same person. I began to get open and honest with someone, and it came up we had intimate feelings for each other that we explored, but after a couple weeks of not seeing each other and not talking, I brought it up and found out she was too involved in the chaos of her life and still playing games with her ex. I told her it hurt me, and she pretty much laughed at me. I forgave her and we followed the same path of friendship, just talking, but being very honest. I really didn't have the same intimate feelings though (I came so close to "love" and experienced its loss I had lost the desire for that kind of relationship), but I really related personally to her none the less. Next part, I don't even know how it gave way, but next thing I know I had to tell her I really only wanted to be friends, and how she reacted was the worst way anyone could, first "I can't do that .. hangup". The next steps in the matter was a very bothering tension I had against her and an equally bothering obsession she had with me, and whenever the dreadful times we saw each other she wasn't behaving the way I was foolishly thinking she usually would, she was desperately someone else to get my attention, and any snap of the wrong word would unleash an avalanche of drama about the same things going round and round. Looking back on that period I was very reactionary, wasn't giving her a fair listen, but I was afraid of her romantic interest, and I sincerely had no interest in romance after a few negative events. But at the same time her behavior was very disturbing for me. Now, I still wonder how attached she is to the idea of "us", but I recognize, am open, and am welcoming as I can comfortably allow to her feeling that she does care about me as a person. We communicate occasionally, her doing the engaging, but she doesn't bother me, necessarily as much. She had bad decision making problems with alcohol in the rough period and as a part of her rehabilitation gave me a very honest and surprisingly thorough apology. I still find her behavior obnoxious at times, but like I said I try as much as I need to. Although she's off to school out of state, she will probably always be around in the Grassroots crowd of region, and she is someone that I will probably be seeing a bit in the summer times. /rant that flicked a little trigger for me to belch out that part of my existence edited. So these things happen, it's an unfortunate glitch to many of our lives. But anything could happen... right?
If he was pushing you for sex and you wouldn't, and then he got a girlfriend, then I'd be suspicious about him. If he wasn't pushing you for sex, you can be a lot more confident in his sincerity.
Thank you, I am sorry to hear about your situation though. Well the guy I wrote this for left in mid July for the Navy. So I sent him this before he left, and we did talk about stuff. He felt really bad for like breaking my heart, which actually meant something to me. He said he was sorry, but I never really accepted his apology. I still feel kinda of bad for that still. Anyways he told me he still cared about me, but given his situation he knew he shouldn't. He had a choice, me a girl he knew he cared about him the way he was, that was friends with him for like 4 1/2 years and liked him more than a friend for 2 years. Basically he chose the new girl over me, but whatever. I don't know if I could be a Navy girlfriend. But yeah I know what you mean about having like issues with "love" in the past. That was part of my friend's problem, he got his heart broken like 3 years ago. That is part of the reason we just stayed friends. Long story short, we are still kinda of friends. Since he left for the Navy I don't talk to him really much. However I do think sometimes it be easier if I never told him how I felt. We never had sex, talked about it a lot a lot but never did. Thanks <3
