Nothing is boring, even the most mundane shit doesn't seem so bad. People don't piss me off, I'm content to stand in line for 20 min and actually don't mind making small talk with random strangers that I would normally just want to kick in the face. Getting up in the morning is actually fantastic because I know it will be the best high of the day. Their is no better feeling, to me, than washing down a couple hydro's or percs with a cup of coffee in the morning and just sitting there enjoying my cigarettes. I have the motivation and energy to do shit I normally would put off for days. Conversations are better and more introspective. Life is just perfect. Life with no opiates is just.. boring. Everything is boring. People piss me off, my morning coffee tastes like shit, no motivation, no energy. Getting up in the morning is a bitch and the sinking doom feeling of having nothing to look forward too just lingers all day. Horrible fucking addiction, I wish I didn't love it so god damned much. When my supply dries up it seriously feels like a death in the family, no other way for me to describe it. Anyway, just thought I would share since so many of you know the feelings..
You are pretty much on the mark - in my case at some point the death become more of a hassle than the roses you see thru opiates. When you run out and the urge hits, it's like being buried alive.
bought 2g OC and a big bottle of xanax and lived that exact life up in a beautiful cottage in the country for about two weeks with a few friends. Also did mescaline. I lived the experience and it was the most blissful thing that's ever happened to me. Last day, I dosed 120mg, with some benzos and went home. WDs for one day, then I was fine. I lived it. It was beautiful. But you can't go on living it forever.
i agree 100 percent......the morning coffee with like 8 french vanilla creamers, like 6 sugars, 60-80mg oxy, with 3 soma's and my marlboro lights, with the radio blasting down the road....get there an hour early and just in time to catch a nod before work!!!!!! It was a beautiful thing. I wonder if they could prescribe Oxy as a anti-depressant because it almost seems like it works for that, like lil wyte says "Body be relaxed - muscles be loose, and you have stopped the pain,No more bitching 'bout your day and work and driving in the rain". As we all know, u build a tolerance, and noticing that i was chasing the high, i no longer do that, i take my meds to just get back to normal and to just take the pain away a little bit.... The tolerance doesnt come as fast, if u take the meds for the pain, as opposed to getting high, at least that is what i try and tell myself.
Ive never been all that thrilled with opiates as a high but in my limited experience hydrocodone was amazing for mild persisting pain for me when I was briefly on it.
to the OP, i can definitely relate to what you are saying. When you are on opiates everything in your life seems to be better. So confident. So euphoric. So calm (for the most part). Pain free. The days just glide on by while you are in total comfort. I personally love opiates and they are one of my favorite psychoactives to ingest. However as others have said, one cant really live this life style permanently. Whether it is supply issues, monetary issues, health issues, or some kind of other problem, i dont think being on opiates ALL of the time is a sustainable life style. Also it is bad when a person starts to think that without the opiate lifestyle, without being dopey almost all the time then they cant be happy. ummmmmm. i think that is it.
I was actually thinking about making a similar Thread especially on the antidepressant point. One thing that is a little different for me, I do have a better temper and feels good to have some discussion, but at the same time (and maybe this is still just myself) I tend to negatively look at humans in general, and I mean I DON'T think it is wrong. People, especially the 18 - 25 year olds at my college, are motherfucking fucker fucks fucking pieces of shit. < As you can see I feel pretty strongly about that. But as a result of opiates I am confident in that assessment rather than feeling guilty to the point of depression. It sucks though indeed. I started binging on opiates as a result of depression and a seeming deep low point in my life. Certainly is numbing, but the more frequently I used, the less enjoyable the high was even when I get HIGH. I tended to have an aversion to my usual feelings of spirituality and meaning, because I felt exposed. I haven't exited the binge, but I have brought back some spirituality and discovered just how disgusting I was in the midst of the binge to numb depression. Since, I've still gotten high at night, but the high is more enjoyable because I am more confident about my self and life because of recent realizations. I am on my last high of Oxy now atleast until the weekend, I will be completely dry tomorrow for the first time in three weeks. This wont be my first time experiencing withdrawals as I've binged before, but I know it will probably be the worst seeing my tolerance and recent dependency. Still I think it's going to be all right I have some muscle relaxant, valerian, and really nice weed to help me though. But I am looking forward to this challenge as opposed to seeing it as a death in a family as I would the past few weeks. I have a couple close friends back home, whom I hang with on the weekend and get opiates through, but they are terribly dependent on opiates. It sucks balls and they know it, and will admit it to other opiate users like myself, we've had the discussion a plethera of times. They don't enjoy the high as much, they need way more, they fiend incredibly, one of them owes over 500 to people that I know of, including the other, who I think is WAY TOO generous in fronting and enabling his habit without money or a way of making money. The thing is they are people both prone to hurt, physically and emotionally, but aren't we ALL? They have a lot to live for besides being constantly opiated, and in a lot of cases, not feeling like complete shit from WD. My plans for my life: Stop fucking around with a shitty attitude, do better the rest of this semester and next to get this Agriculture degree, get a job, make money, invest in globalization when everything is discounted, because the economy is going to come back all in cahoots around the world in new phenomenon, and Hopefully I'll make some cold hard cash, and put that into a farm or some sort of Agriculture production. Hell maybe even illegal poppy productions (which I think would be worth the risks), and live a life of balance of spirit and reward, and non attachment, but being able to enjoy things like weed, alcohol, and opiates in a non destructive way. BECAUSE it is all possible, anything can happen, it's what you make it. Don't let the opiates control you, control the opiates. Don't you think you're abusing a perfectly useful plant, and it being a scapegoat to come under pressure from those ingorant that don't understand. Okay, I'm done.
i have grown to realize that i rather take my medication as directed so it lasts than to chase the high, and be out for 7-10 days, the withdrawls suck, but i have managed to get through them multiple times, for up to 2 weeks at a time. I have had many conversations with my future wife, and she tries to understand the best she can....I DO HAVE a legitimate reason for being on them and have seen the same doctors for 2 years now. If i was out in the past i would only call my main three people, if nothing could be obtained i knew i had to ride the pine.... im on a moderate doseage, i dont know how people can be driven to rob, or steal, i have never been that addicted. Now i just try to live between the extremes, am i so stoned that im nodding all the time, NO but i am not limiting them to just the weekends, I'm happy where i am at, LESS pain, not pain free and still able to function as a productive member of society, like Plant_Head said "control the opiates, don t let them control you"!!!!!! Good talk good talk!!! i also failed to mention, that my wife gives me my meds everyday, i may not be in direct control, but i am aware that i cant do it by myself!!!!
It's comforting to hear other people know exactly the way I'm feeling, because when you start to withdrawal it feels, to me at least, that no one in the world could ever understand the depression and void. Last night I was ready to be done with it.. determined to be straight and find some kind of inner happiness that the rest of the world seems to get buy on. I was there emotionally and excited to wake up today with a new mental outlook on life. So now I'm sitting here, smoking copious amounts of cigarettes and drinking my coffee with an oc 20 that just kicked in. fail. Maybe tomorrow..
Don't I know it brother. For me it's like a mysterious driver behind my eyes that takes control of me when it comes to opiates. I just become resigned to the fact that I am going to use. There is no use fighting. Fortunately I do not have easy access - if I did I would be dead. How's that for a little sunshine.
Feel exactely the same way, on a day i know im doing opiates i actualy get up in the morning with a smile on my face, any other day and i dont even know why to bother getting up
see thats a problem.. children in Somalia get up in the morning with a smile when they dont hear any AK47s firing
why thank you! its always mind-opening to think about others and the circumstances they are under. :sultan:
They are wonderful, indeed. I especially love how, unlike alcohol, which turns the user into a sloppy, over-emotional mess, opioids will stabilize one's mood and temper and provide a glimpse of the world in profound richness without losing the ability to function with sober people. I think that "Confessions of an English Opium Eater" author DeQuincey put it best in the chapter on the delights of opium. Since I have no friends who use opioids, it was amazing hearing a person 150 years ago who liked doing the same things while on opioids. The book is free online by the way. It also covers his addiction, which is a timeless lesson.
