Can't stay hard

Yea I would question that he has some kind of fetish that he focuses on while jerking off. You should ask him what his fantasies are and if he tells you he has none obviously he is afraid to tell you what they are. A new nighty or whatever isn't going to do it if he thinks about play rape with you every day.

 

i would have to agree that i think this is a psychological thing that he needs to try and overcome. Does he spend a lot of time on foreplay before you have sex?? If not then try that first and ask him to make you come two or three times before you have sex. This way when you have sex, you may be more aroused and cum faster. This may be a good start for him. Seeing you more excited when you are about to have sex, may get him more aroused and he may stay harder for longer.

Hope this helps in some way

 

I've had a similar issue in the past. It was all psychological in the end. I guess when your bf is having sex he's thinking about when he's going to go soft! He has to think about the sex rather than just his dick. It's just one of those issues that may pass over time.

All down to him to sort himself out mentally, in my opinion.

 

I agree about this... I initiate oral sex as foreplay all the time, and he NEVER does. I think he's probably thinking we have to have sex ASAP as soon as he's hard, since he knows it's going to go soft soon. Guess I'll just have to get more vocal.

So in the meantime should I just wait until he can sort it out, or should I push him to maybe see a doctor? So far I haven't mentioned it, but if it's psychological (how it is for you, and how I think it is for him) will he be able to sort it out on his own?

I talked with him about a bit this week. I asked him not to jack off for a few days. When we had sex, he was ready to come like a couple minutes into it, so I flipped him over and climbed on top... and the cycle continued. Hard, soft, hard, soft... until I made him come with a handjob. Afterwards I asked "So what can I do to get you to stay hard during sex?" and he admitted that his mind is on a bunch of things, and he didn't really know what was wrong. He also said I gave him blue balls because he was ready to come - but geez! It's not like I pushed him off and left the room. I got right on top and then it all went downhill.

We'll see what happens tonight...

Oh, another question - So women are gifted with the ability to just keep on coming, if you know what I mean. He's great at oral sex, but every single time he stops after I've come once. He's even mentioned in the past before that one time when I came twice, he didn't think it was entirely fair (though he admitted his whiney attitude was lame). How can I get him to want to keep going? Do I really have to say it? I don't want to sound selfish - I think that's something that a gentleman should do for his girl. I give him surprise head all the time. Should I ask for more?

Sheesh, this makes it seem like our relationship is really lame. Aside from the penis problem, everything really is wonderful

Happy Halloween, everyone! And thanks for your opinions.

 

i can't remember the name of the disorder, but basically a guy masturbates tot he point where a vagina is not tight enough for him.

it sounds like like he's just a minute man. and if he's aware of it and not doing anything to help you out, i'd move on.

listen to missy elliott

 

As someone who is in the process of getting over this problem, successfully, I will share some things with you.

if he masturbates successfully, gets morning wood etc, it is not a physical problem. It is psychological/emotional/relational (with you).

it can be anything from him not liking something about you that's bothering him, to him having low self-esteem, to him expecting too much from himself as a sexual being/man/etc.

try your best to never ever make him feel bad about this. I'm sure you don't but just definitely don't wanna now give him a neurosis about him not being able to keep it up, on top of his problem of not being able to keep it up make sure you're not a source of shame for this or anything like that.

For me the problem started going away once I began getting more into my girlfriend, more into my own ability to make love to her, more into the idea of being with her, etc, etc. It was all about comfortability. Guys have this stereotype on them of having to fuck a million girls a week, with no problems, being sexual supermen, uber pimps, always hard and cumming like porn stars, etc. there's a lot of societal/social bullshit that a man will grow up with in his head, and if he differs from these dumb expectations, it can cause stress and worry and no one is going to get a hard erection for very long if their mind is full of doubt and uncertainty and negativity. a man has to be happy, healthy, and horny in order to make love to you. if he's healthy, and he's horny, then maybe he's not happy deep down with something (you, himself, something entirely else, maybe you can find out gently).

The good news is that just as anxiety and stress are horribly cyclical things that spiral out of self control on their own momentum, so too is progress, and once he gains an inch (heehee) he'll get a mile in feeling better about himself and it will just snowball and it should really motivate him in itself. It could take time, be patient, and there might be ups and downs along the general trend of up.

A few months ago I couldn't stay hard (not even fully, like 50% hard) for more than a few seconds with my gf. Now I can be 100% raging rock hard erect for an hour +. I still have never came without finishing myself off, so that is the last obstacle for me. Of course this is not so much a problem for my gf anymore, as now I last all night, I don't have a choice , so she loves it.

he must also absolutely stop masturbating. For two reasons. One is if he's jacking off every day it's going to lower his psychological drive to maintain a healthy erection, along with the physical ability to (and will lower the quantity of his ejaculation which is also of psychological importance to men). The second reason, which I think can be even more important, is that when he masturbates daily, he trains his penis and brain to associate a rock hard erection, sexual pleasure, and ejaculation, with the feeling of manual stimulation. This means that he is conditioning his body to respond very well to stimulation of his own hands, but means that it's possibly hurting him in getting real pleasure from the feel of say, your vagina or mouth. This was also definitely one of the hurdles I had to get over, I was used for so long to getting sexual pleasure from a certain kind of skin-on-skin contact, that when I found myself inside a woman, it was disappointing and didn't do anything for me. By cutting back on self-gratification and not giving up on my gf's vajayjay, I have cured this, and no doubt reversing the trend should even occur, whereby only the feel of a woman will gratify him versus his hands.

Hope this helps stay positive and don't give up, hopefully you are having wild animal sex within no time.

 

I don't last like I use to , but I'm 49 . The Dr's test shows my testosterone is a little low , but everything else is good . I was relieved that nothing major was going on and worth the hassle .
You mentioned workout . You could look at the supplements he is taking to bulk up .

 

Great Answer Shale. If he gets hard at all, it's not the equipment. It's most likely mental.

 

Sounds to me like the guy lacks confidence, he needs extreme confidence, he needs to find a trigger that puts him in a peak state to perform in the bedroom at a high level

 

Here's an update:

Since we've started talking about the issue, a few things have come up and changed. First, he hardly ever masturbates now, and we have sex usually once or twice a week. Lately, since I had time off from work, we were trying once or more a day for a little bit, but it wasn't particularly successful (hard, limp, hard, limp). He's gotten a lot more confident about going down on me, since he realizes that he doesn't have to be hard for that. Sometimes now he even wants me to come more than once.

Finally he has realized/admitted that he's just not capable of sex more than twice a day. I kind of wonder if he can even have sex once a day, or if he needs even more recovery time.

Over the past month, a lot of times he can get me off, but soon after (after some hard/soft action), he wants me to just finish him with a handjob. Really? What man prefers a handjob over sex?

In the past couple of weeks, twice he's gotten up long enough for me to come, but he wasn't able to finish. He's not proud of it and definitely gets upset after.

We talked a bit ago about him seeing a therapist to unload everything on his mind, and he agreed that it sounded like a good idea, but he hasn't done anything about it.

I'm torn between "Please try SOMETHING because it's affecting my sex life, too" and just being really docile about it to not hurt his feelings. When we first started sleeping together I thought it was because he hadn't had sex in over a year, but at this point, nothing has really changed.

Oh, how I wish I could speak to a sex therapist from MY end... But that's really something HE needs.

Any advice?

 

same - get him some viagra or cialis, that should keep him hard and keep talking and then maybe his insecurity/worries about it will fade and he can give up the viagra.

I'm sure it will be psycological deep down,

Good luck,

Simon :sunny:

 

you can speak to a sex therapist. you might get some good advice on how to handle the situation.