Have you ever been disowned/ Disowned you family?

Some of my family are close, some are not. I guess if you shut them out, it all depends on what you can live with personally.

My dad, for example is totally racist, I just don't talk to him when he gets started about that, and I tell him to keep his opinions to himself around my kids. Yes, I will stand up to him, because I am not under his roof anymore, and he knows I will go home and not come back. But, he's my father, and I feel that I need to keep my family around.

That's just my choice.

My sister hates me, and has been jealous of me my whole life. She does not like my mother to spend any time with me. She wanted sons and only got daughters, so when my son was born she said, "she always gets what she wants". She never calls me.

That is her choice. If she ever decides she has a sister, she knows where I am.

 

I'm curious... if your parents were to split up... would you still visit with your father?

 

Imho, in all circumstances the better judgment should prevail.
But in that circumstance and similar circumstances I may choose to forgive family more rapidly.
Why? They are family.
I can't explain it any more succinctly.

 

You say if they "split up"...what if my mother died? The answer would still be yes.

I don't share his views on the world, but he's my father.

I would feel the need to make sure he was looked after. He is all that is left on that side of my family aside from his one brother. Everyone else is dead.

 

Fair enough... we all have those things that we just 'feel' are right and don't have the words for...

I really hope nobody gets the impression from any of this that I look down on families in any way... Each person makes their own choices... It's just that for me, I have seen (not just in personal experiences) more anger, pain and even abuse on people from those they are supposed to call family and be close to, to ever think that the simple random fact of being born to them means a single thing without the conscious choice being there...

 

Yes, your mother dying would count for this purpose... but I would never have suggested that... lol

I just don't know what to say about it...

I know if my grandfather had been alive at the time (and didn't agree with my grandmother... I would have continued to visit their home to see him... But as soon as he wasnt there anymore, I would have stopped...

I think a lot of this comes down to what we accept from people... I refuse to accept things like racism, sexism, abuse and such in people I call friends... and I would never call someone family without first considering them a friend.

 

"Disown" is a strong term with a legal (usually financial) meaning. Separating yourself from your family is a psychological decision unless you want to go the extra step and put it in writing (i.e. Mom/dad, you guys are total assholes and I want nothing to do with you anymore.)

If there are grandkids (your kids) involved, be caeful that you don't impose your decision/anger on them.

 

Thanks. I just did not want you arguing with me for the hell of it.

 

Contrary to popular belief, I almost never argue for the hell of it. Whether I agree with you, or even like you is totally beside the point to whether or not I want to understand WHY you think what you do... (that applies to anyone, not just you)...

 

"almost never" is not the same as "never".

 

I don't expect people to be family and friend, I feel that's putting a lot of pressure on the relationship. Especially if they are from a different generation. But if they are already both, that's a bonus.

I guess it depends on what you can personally tolerate, I just see my dad as a little kid who needs looking after. His opinions are not that important to me.

I have cousins that I cannot stand, and I have cousins that I love to party with. I also have a dead uncle whose grave I would gladly piss on. :2thumbsup:

 

I was very careful to put that almost in there... lol

 

...by no means do i consider my family above scrutiny just because they are my family...i have just been lucky...i brag about most of my family on a regular basis

 

it depends on the way you look at things if it is ok or not. certain members of my family i wouldn't say i technically 'disown' but i just do not talk to or make any sort of 'family' like action in our relationship.

i did not talk to one of my brothers for about a year though.. maybe longer, due to him being a huge fucking threat to mine and my young nephews well being (i guess his own too i was just being selfish) but i wish of lately that i kept not interacting with him.

one of my sister got pissed at my mom a couple of years ago because she could not lend her money so she hasn't talked to her until this day. she called a few days ago though trying to talk to her but i do not even want to (or) know what she had to say. that situation there is a messed up and is uncalled for lol.

 

Not knowing when is the gripe I have. But I do the same sometimes. So....

 

How good your mom is in bed, perhaps?

 

I've cut off communication with a few family members

 

thank you for the responses. i guess what i'm really trying to get at is how did your life change once you cut them out of your life?

i recently moved back into my parents home (which i am grateful for) b/c i didn't want to sign another lease when i went into the peace corps. i know it sounds cold and hateful, but i would rather just not deal with them. they care and they have concern, but i just don't like them as people. my younger sister who has a daughter and a fiance, well, i don't get along with either of them b/c of their holier than thou attitudes. i guess i just feel like it's more stress than it's worth. i just want them out of my life.

the problem is, i don't really have anyone in my life. i don't really trust many people, so i don't have any close friends at the moment.

 

I can not imagine having my immediate family in my life. My Dad is dead so that leaves my mom and my sister and my niece and nephew and my two children. I have an ex and a partner. There have been differences over the years but none that would ever make me feel that my life would be better without them in it.

Those who I have known who proclaim that they have cut ties with their families have physically cut them but they are not emotionally ever separated from those bonds or emotions. The past and those relationships are still part of their lives even if they do not physically see them.

I think if people walking away truly could and that it did not still hold a huge influence in their lives and attitudes it would be a very different situation. I personally have not seen that.

Nobody ever walks away clean.

 

i don't speak with my mothers side of my family and right now my grandmother is pretty sick so with me i do not really have a worry about it, but my family is stressed out. me, no.

when i didn't speak with my brother for it was good, i did not like him as a person and he thinks he is very smart when he is not. i just started to talk to him again maybe a year ago and not until recently did i start to notice i should not have spoke with him.

as well i have two sisters that do not like me so they do not speak to me - and it doesn't upset me the least (if you are worried about anyone's feelings)



recently i didn't tell myself i was going to cut ties with anyone purposely, but i noticed it is going to happen with me leaving in 6 months anyhow, so possibly the time has come