Could it be? A Lesbian attracted to a Man???

So I'm trying to.. well I guess privately label myself. Categorize myself. For the purpose of avoiding relationships that won't really work for me. I have a question for just the lesbians here: Have you ever been intensely sexually attracted to a male before?
At the moment my label is 'bisexual.' Attracted to men and women. And I have a boyfriend. We are incredibly open with each other and spend a lot of time talking about our relationship and making a point of saying the thoughts we think, even if we think they are unimportant. Sometimes he really really turns me on, and makes me wet to the point that you can see a wet spot on my pants the size of the pam of my hand, but I am reluctant to actually have sex with him or even oral. I was in a really abusive relationship with a guy last sept-jan, and i let myself get sexually abused. I was 15 then, 16 now. I've learned a lot, and I have some self-respect now, so this is not an abusive relationship. So what I'm trying to understand is my reluctance. I want to have sex with him; I don't want to, or I'm not ready to. It is both of those at the same time. I don't get it and it is really upsetting me... So yeah, I'm wondering if I'm a lesbian, yet still attracted to males, (...?) because I don't know what's up with my reluctance. For everyone that reads this, I'd like to hear your thoughts. anything that comes to mind.
Thanks :&

 

listen to yourself, not us, cuz half of us here dont know shit, and you sound intelligent. You know more about yourself than us, try talking to your boyfriend, if your so open with eachother you wont regret it...

 

i hate sexuality-based stereotypes. but thats just me.

first: don't worry about labeling yourself. straight/gay/bi just be yourself and above all trust yourself. don't rush labels and don't worry about trying to box yourself in.

second: if you aren't ready or don't want to than don't. it doesn't matter who it is or what sexuality you think you are. no one has a right to make you feel uncomfortable or rushed into anything. embrace your right to make your own decions about your body and sexuality.

 

It sounds less to me like its an issue with your sexuality and much more like an issue with the abuse in your past. It didn't happen that long ago and if you guys have an understanding relationship (and it seems that you do) perhaps you can talk it out with him and tell him that you're reluctant to go any further with him because of it. Perhaps all you need is time. And there's more to a successful relationship then sex.

As stated above, most of us don't know shit. Listen to your heart and try not to tie yourself in knots. Make yourself happy and everyone else will follow.

 

I agree completely...you don't need to have labels for yourself or anyone else, so maybe you don't have a 'name' for yourself, maybe you don't know if you like guys or girls or both, it doesn't really matter, when you need to know you will, no need to limit yourself, just live life, forget about the tags.

 

I agree with Taylor; this seems more an issue of an abusive history. It is entirely possible to be virtually anything. You may be bisexual and, though attracted to both men and women, fearing the abuse you faced from a man in the past. That would rationalize your reluctance to become involved with a man again. Fear and reluctance are not usually part of one's sexual orientation -it's a different subject entirely.

 

LOL JUST LOVE ANYONE DONT BE A Sexual preference.. I personally think everyone is trisexual lol oops labeling haha.. I dont know wht the hell i am or wht im about just that im myself haha.. I think im kin to micheal jackson hah

peace
chickens

 

dude, you are yong listen to your heart and don't de in a big rush for anything. i am 20 and have been triying to friger out if i like men or not (even after being with both) since i was 13 it will take some time. i agree with gertie jest don't worry about labels and be yourself. you will find sometimes part of life is the journey not the destination.

love and blessings apple seed

 

I didn't look @ this originally because I didn't think I would have much to contribute. I think that there is a lady who I think is a lesbian (she may be bi) that is cruising me though so I thought I'd see what y'all had to say. I'll start a new thread restating the question.

I also now that I have read through the thread whole heartedly agree that you shouldn't worry about labeling yourself White Ginger just go with your heart when it comes to love it doesn't overall lead you astray usually.

I know that I'm an old coot but having sex with anybody at 15 was unusual when I was that age. Not that I didn't try just that was the way things were @ least where I was. I did manage to loose my virginity to a girl when I was 16 which actually isn't that much older but in my case I did mature quite a bit in that year. Having said that & the reason I even brought it up is that you should in no way feel that you have to have sex with your boyfriend at this age or anytime you aren't ready for that matter. Even if it is you who is imposing this edict it is unnecessary IMHO. I also agree that this could be related to the past abuse. You will have to work that out. You need to be happy with yourself. That is so important. Talk with your boyfriend, talk with friends who you think can help you through this. If necessary talk with someone like an abused woman counsoler, there are most likely resourses near you just for that. They are around the country in most communities.

 

I think it's totally cool that you guys dont want me to label myself. you missed the part about "For the purpose of avoiding relationships that won't really work for me."
I agree though. Labels are silly, especially if they make you feel bad in any way that you can't change.

 

Well first I would like to say that it sounds like you and your current boyfriend have a wonderful relationship and it sounds like he would be a wonderful person to let in our your feelings on this issue (if you havent already!).

Like everyone else in this forum, I think that this is not so much a sexuality issue. It is very possible that you do get turned on and arroused by your boyfriend but,becaue of the experience with your exboyfriend, you dont want to actually have sex with him. Sex IS a big deal and does, to some extent, make you feel something special or different to the person whom you have sex with. Perhaps you are scared of getting hurt (physically or emotionally) by your current boyfriend.

And again like everyone else in this forum- dont worry about putting a label on yourself! You've still got time to figure that out. If there is a girl that you see and are attracted to, then pursue it! If not, then theres nothing to worry about!

 

aww
I love reading everyone's posts. that's so cool, you guys. i think it's amazing that you've all realized how unimportant labels are--just think how many people don't, and never will understand that. so kisses and hugs to you. I hope I meet tons of people like you in my life