The hardest psychedelic journey I've ever had

Shrooms are wonderful and dont think you cant seriously lose your shit on LSD kids.

 

This is one of the reasons that I keep doing psychedelics - even in the terror they can truly be beneficial.

It was a wonderful report to read, but I wanted to say that I respect you for being able to pull something good out of what a lot of people say was "a bad time" and then close the book on.

 

Thanks, but I didn't close the book on it, the experience ripped the book wide open and shredded the pages before my eyes and said,
"What ya gonna do now?"
Forced me to face some hard things that I needed/need to correct or regain balance on.

 

I don't think you can ever "close the book"m honestly. Self-improvement is a never-ending process.

 

I've put a lot of work and study into the psychological, social, spiritual, and physical issues around the end-of-life. Psychedelics can be as strong or even stronger as coming close to death in terms of forcing confrontation with the lies, failings, glories, and beauty of our life. A question is, to what extent do we hear the message and live accordingly?

 

That point was driven home to me on this trip.

 

that's beautiful pb. it sounds like you really love your daughter. but don't be too hard on yourself man. this world was never good enough for any of us. remember, DEATH DON'T HAVE NO MERCY IN THIS LAND. but it's still a beautiful tradgedy. but do everything you can to be good to your daughter and try not to get sucked into apathy.

sometimes, when the situation calls for it, you really do have to 'carry your cross' and make great sacrifices for the good of others. use your personal judgement.

 

I read the OP to my lady last night and she thought it was amazing.

 

Great insite PB!!
That reminded me of one of my trips when I realised exactly the same thing, that I do not give enough time to my kids, that there is always something "more important" then spending 5 minutes to read a book to my daughter before sleep.
You are fully right, there is no way anybody can grasp the feeling of beeing parent until they are parent them self. That feeling probably have the greatest impact on our life, and yet again, we very often get pulled into every day bullshit that this life is pushing us and forget what is the most important - loving and giving time to our loved ones.
Every period is bringing certain things in life of a kid, what my daughter was doing and what impressed her when she was 3 years old will never come back. I had the opportunity to share those moments and things with her then and only then. If you miss the opportunity, its missed forever. But what is very important when we realise things like this is not to hate ourselves too much, because beeing busy with blaming and hating yourself you are missing the opportunity to share the things which are happening NOW. It is very important to forgive yourself and try to make up by acting better now and to promise yourself and the kid that you will never let that happen again.
I am now regularly giving my time to my daughter and actualy LISTENING what she has to tell me, even if it is complete nonsence, but since she wants to share that with me, it obviously means to her a lot. It is not a problem to read a book, or download a game for her, it is not a mission to take her to park, or a walk.
With my newborn son (5 months) I am trying not to miss one little thing he is doing, and I am trying to be patient with him, I don't want to do the same mistake like with daughter. When I only think that I was thinking when will this time pass and when will she start doing this or that when my daughter was baby, I want to punch myself.
I missed so many little things just because I was ignorant and I was thinking how I can have some fun, pushing her away from me.
But, some lessons need to be learned hard way, otherwise we don't give them adequte weight, and we are blind for the problem. I also did have a very difficult trip when I realised all this, not that difficult like yours PB, but never the less, the pain afterwards, when you realise what you've been doing, was not any less then yours.
It is actulay pain afterwards that is difficult, because that is your reality and it won't go away in 12 hours on its own. That pain is actuly the best teacher and if that does not force you to move your ass and become better person and parent, then you might as well jump off the building streight away. I actualy don't know a parent who went through this and did the same afterwards, everybody I know who went through this tried their best to be better. That is why I always say that psychedelics are all about love. As you wisely said, the most important thing we can give to our loved ones is our time and love, if we can't give it to our loved ones, how we can even start giving it to others.
Great trip report PB!!!

 

nice one pb