Opposites attract OR birds of a feather

Because it seems more people believe opposites attract, but my social psychology class made it pretty clear that people mostly date people who are of similar values and beliefs (and by mostly I mean, over 90%)

Do you have any thoughts on this subject?

 

Anything goes for short term fun.

But for a long-term relationship, one that is going to last decades, you definately need to have some fundamental similarities in belief, lifestyle, "values," intelligence, interests, hobbies, etc.

 

well I think when people say opposites attract they don't mean values and interests but personality

my boyfriend and I have very similar values but I tend to be outgoing while he is much more shy

 

basically this.

 

my wife isnt anything like us/me.. shes not into guitars and rock and roll, drugs or the progress of a psychedelic mind. She basically my lover and we are of 2 separate worlds..

my wife cries when she hears this song.. :love:

 

Seems obvious that most people want a partner who shares their values.

I think the question is much more interesting when posed as a matter of physical attraction.
Do opposites attract in an effort to widen the scope of the gene pool? Do birds of a feather flock together in order to find a mate that resembles the lost mother/father figure?

 

Exactly.

When I'm looking for a good match, I'm usually looking for someone with the same or similar values and beliefs.

 

My husband is pretty much the male version of me. We are very similar in personality, beliefs, values, et cetera. I think that's why we get along so well. It's wonderful. So. . . BIRDS OF A FEATHER. I, personally, have never understood how a lasting relationship can blossom successfully when people are opposites from each other.

 

Obviously this means that people are not magnets. Finally we have conclusive proof!

 

I think the ideal would be finding a balance in between...

My husband and I share the same values and beliefs as well as our organizational tendencies (money, bills, housework).

I'm a tall skinny hippie while he's more of a tall, manly (broad shoulders, massive beard) rocker.

We have some musical choices that overlap but also venture out on our own a little.

Our hobbies are in the same genre but different. Ex: We both like to play guitar, I craft clothes and accessories while he crafts useful things like furniture and renovation of household stuff.

Basically what I'm saying is you definitely have to find a balance, but imo values and beliefs are the most important things to agree upon. Oh, and parenting styles. You definitely don't want to find out later on in life that your sig other doesn't believe in raising children the same way you do.

 

in my opinion, i like opposite attracts.

its more of a challenge. but compromising is key to me. so yeah some similarities should be there

 

i honestly don't understand how opposites attract. i know i could never do it. my boyfriend and i share tons of interests. mostly it's cause i like to argue if someone doesn't agree with me. religion especially. i mean, good for the people who can do it, but i'd never last in a relationshop with little in common.

 

I don't date. Nor, have I ever met a woman who shares my values and beliefs.

P.S. Not true, I probably avoid women who share my values and beliefs because dating them would be like a nuclear explosion.

P.S. 2 I'm also a sampler. If I spend the night with a woman with curly hair and shiny legs tonight, tomorrow I'll want a slick blond with skinny legs, and so on.

P.S. 3 But it's also true that I tend to go for athletic women of African descent, and that may very well describe me.

 

I would have to. I've dated someone before who was the complete opposite and we just didn't work.

I like to have some differences, we don't need to be identical in what we believe or like, but I couldn't be with someone who didn't share my main values.

 

Agree with what OHsoDreadful said.

People that are very different in beliefs and values or etc... Can be fun relationships - but I would agree with others in that it becomes difficult as the relationship gets older.

 

It's a mix. My boyfriend isn't a risk taker. Never used drugs. He's Mr. Preppy Oh-So-Studious. I'm more of a wild child. However, we're the same socioeconomic status, same educational level, and have the same values. That matters more than the other stuff, in my opinion.

 

depends how good you both are at fighting :mickey:

 

My girl and I have a real mix of similarities and differences.

We share many values, but definitely each have our own. I wouldn't say our values conflict much at all though.

We definitely have very different beliefs though. Most namely when it comes to other people. I don't like them much; she does =P

I'm a former-stoner becoming more of tripper, she's tried weed once (and is in denial that she enjoyed it =P)
I'm a total sex addict and wild as she is - it's not very important to her
I'm very off-key and while she's not exactly mainstream she fits in quite well
she's much more reserved than I
she's much more selfless
she's much more comfortable in life while I have always been rather uneasy (GAD)
and I'm a big thinker while she is much more grounded

However, I find the one similarity that matters most: is what we both want out of our relationship. We want to love and be loved, we want a companion that will keep us happy and always care for us. This (and some good chemistry) is our bond.

 

i personally dont date either. a lot of guys i met are usually all talk when i want certain things in a relationship...like my freedom..."oh yeah i wont bother you when you're out, i wont question you" what do they do? they do exactly that.

i agree if guys share my beliefs too. im a free spirit to the bone but i wouldnt want to date a free spirit. i do dig the sturdy, homey, guys more.

 

This. And there def. has to be a balance, like barefoot said.