This is a cross post from another forum, where the moderator gave me an offensive answer, I'n hoping the respect on this forum is greater, thank you for your feedback. Ok, guys first post so I figure I be a little personal. My wife and I have been together for 8 years and married for 4 years. We have great sex and about 3 years ago she was on her period and I asked if we could try anal. So we did it and in the first session I was all the way in. She told me she didn’t care for it but it wasn’t painful and if I wanted it wouldn’t be a problem when she didn’t want vaginal sex. Figuring she just needed some stimulation below we got a small butt plug Tantus Severin Small 1.5” in diameter and we tried it with butt plug in ass and penis in vaginal and she said the butt plug turned her off to the vaginal penetration but I did notice she was breathing heavily. Anyway now I get to the weird part =). My wife finds it much easier when I use my hands to warm her up before putting objects in. She says the warmth of my hands helps her relax. So I put in one, two, finger and then I tried three, four, and then five. Being curious I asked her if she had any pain and she said nope. Cut to the end I now have a wife that can take a 2.5” fist in the ass or this plug Tantus Severin Large 2.35” in Diameter, but tells me she gets no pleasure from it when I can hear deep breathing (she says she is relaxing) and pelvic contractions (she says it is her relaxing). So I’m not sure what’s up with her? Anyone have any suggestions? I love playing with her ass and gaping her, but I feel guilt that I’m using her as an object for my gratification. I told her this and she says if it makes me happy I can put whatever in her ass as long as I give the vaginal attention when it needs it. So overall, I looking for anything you can think of? I’ll even suggested seeing a sex therapist since she was molested as a child, but she feels uncomfortable talking to a stranger about fist in the ass. So I’m at a total moral impasse. I have a wife that has the parts and they work but something wrong in the head. Thanks Bluelogic
...not enjoying having a fist in the ass does not mean something is wrong with her head. Neither does not liking.
Sitka, You are correct; however, enjoying it and hiding the fact you do is something wrong. We have vaginal intercourse and I can tell she is lying; she has the same flushness, vaginal super sensitive and pelvic contractors. She will not let me touch her vagina during anal because she says it is way too sensitive. Make a fist and tell me if you could stick that up a butt without any interest or desire. I see tons of post about how to get a butt plug or penis in and the pain. I can use KY and get in 7 minutes; she can even do it herself by spreading her checks. We don't use desensitizer lube either. Like I'm mention she was molested as a child and she will only let me do this if she is in the doggie style position. We have an SM relationship and she enjoys being exposed in venerable positions. I love my wife very much but "I don't want to treat her like a piece of meat". I think she is associating me as her abuser to what she grew up with as an acceptable relationship. Thanks for the reply Bluelogic
maybe she just dont want things up her butt.. i dont want to put my dick in my wifes ass all the time..... I talk about, play with her hole... but nothing gets me a good blow job like saying "ima tear this asshole up with no lube".. sometimes its better to get what you can get and leave it at that..
It does sound to me like she is working through past sexual abuse, yes... In my opinion though, if you can't ask her straight up what the issue is or why she is behaving weird then she's not ready to face it and so anything else you try to do is just going to be perceived as forcing her to... My advice, focus on getting her to talk about the weird behavior or at least recognize it... before you do anything else. Sounds like she's enjoying anal and doesn't want to acknowledge it because of shame or some other reason. Can't force people to deal with their own shit though - just doesn't work in my experience.
orison319, Each person has their own desires. In my example, my wife's hates being eaten out and hates sucking dick. But she loves for me to cum in her ass, drip it out in a glass and have her drink it. She loves the throb and rush of semen in her ass as she says it lets her know she is pleasing me. She likes to measure how much we can get out of her ass with a graduated cylinder. Oh and my wife is a registered nurse =) Always use lube! I buy the best anal lube M Eros Mega Slide. Also if you are going to drink semen from an ass make sure to wash it out. We have a shower enema device to do this. No pun intended I’m extremely anal on hygiene and lube I do not want to damage her or make it difficult in any way. Thanks Bluelogic
Yazzz, You are the best answer so far and I appreciate it. You have any recommendations? The problem I have is that she doesn't want to talk about and I'm not sure how to open her up to discussion. Her past abuse she will not talk about, but her mother has told me about it. I'm looking for anything as a starting point. Thanks Bluelogic
Maybe she'll "talk about it" when she feels like it, and not on someone's elses "schedule"? If she is letting you do it; and she isn't in discomfort or doing it out of fear or whatever negative reasons, then maybe over the course of time she will open up more about it. Often when someone says that somebody else "won't talk about it"; they can be a different underlying message - that a person is trying to make someone else "talk about it" (whatever "it" may be) on their own "schedule" and not the other person's. IOW, it can be more about driving someone to meet our demands of discussion NOW versus following their lead on when THEY want to discuss "it". Possible here? JAT
Nostromo, I totally agree, patience is the key. Was just looking for advice. The NOW reason is more for me then her if you look at it. I want to kind of clear my mind about it. Thanks Again Bluelogic
She's probably just doing anal because you like it and she wants to please you and my guess would be that her past abuse has something to do with anal, so consider that each time it happens she's probably having thoughts that associate it with her past abuse experience(s) and since she hasn't delt with it upfront it's causing her to have emotions that she's not sure how to handle. I can't really give you advice on how to deal with it - I am pretty confrontational by nature so how I would approach it isn't necessarily a good balance. During the act of anal I would just try and associate positive safe feelings with the anal sex rather than start Role playing a dominant role where you are talking nasty to her or etc... probably better to be soft and sweet and telling her you love her, etc.... help the association form in her brain that anal isn't any different than when you make love to her vaginally... remind her you'll never hurt her, etc... In short - I would be as non-alpha, non-dominant, non-abusive as possible during the anal sex.... how many times you'll have to do that before she associates anal more with you than with a past abuse...??? who knows.... Sometimes things are so bad people will never deal with or confront them for their entire life - and will just supress it indefinitely - maybe that will be the case with your wife...? Also - there are certain things all men have in common when it comes to sex... well the majority in my opinion, like 95%... and that is that we are dirty and liek doing dirty things. I've noticed in the past when I am too aggressive with a woman she will read too much into the sex and start to question the validity of why I'm with her. ..my non-sexual feelings for her. Keep in mind that if she associates sex with you with sex when being abused or raped that the thought processes can become much more complex.... maybe she associates a sexually aggressive trait of the person who abused her with a trait of you - imagine the mind fuck if you started associating your husband with someone who raped you.... this is why i bring up the fact of all men sharing sexual characteristics... just because an aggressive trait on someone in the past was a bad thing doesn't mean the same trait on you is also a bad thing - but her brain will fuck with her and tell her it is - my advice is do everything you can to prevent this association....
