Counselor screwed me

Completely agree.

OP you just need to get up and report him. It wasn't appropriate, you know it, we know it. No one is going to disagree with you and if anything, this will prevent other patients being treated the same way.

And do try to stop cutting. It's not healthy and previous posters are right: it doesn't help any. It is an unhealthy practice that you should not expose yourself to.

 

I have cut myself before due to severe depression, so I will not patronise the OP about that. It isn't healthy, no. And it most certainly isnt good for you. But when your head is all over the place, and you feel like an emotional wreck, logic can go totally out of the window, and you might find yourself doing things that you wouldnt be doing if you were thinking straight. Its very easy for other people to harshly judge someone when they havent walked in their shoes, but its also very wrong, and foolish.

 

Well, with that other thread, A=B=C, If you push them on it and they come back defensive, it ends up sounding like the same "Thou doest protest too much" thing the straight guys do. Whereas if they come back saying things like "If I wanted to date a girl, I'd date a girl" Then its, well ok then fair enough.


Same kind of thing with this thread. i put it out there that people would have reacted differently if it was a girl, then there are three main types of responses.

1. Those that say yes, its more sinister if it was a girl
2. Those that say its the same, doesnt matter if it was a guy or a girl
3. Those that say, no probably worse if its a gay guy, everyone else is less likely to believe him

IS and I went with option 3, You went with option 2, which does help to catergorise you in our eyes and LGs eyes

No we dont really know you, but its enough for us to work out that yes, we are all under the GLBT umbrella, but certain things about body image, annorexia, or getting treated very differently by others under that GLBT umbrella is something you've never really had to deal with yourself

Now by that I dont mean we think we are superiour, or have some kind of badge of honour of whatever, just that we are different.

The initial advice you gave, along the lines of - deal with it and move on with your life. Which didnt just come from you. Is the kind of thing you are more likley to hear from straight guys. Now that does NOT mean I think you are straight, you hear it from the macho gay guys as well. Just means I know you are very different to our protagonist.

And I say all this, not really for you, but LG, who has come in here, thinking this is a Gay issue, so he should get advice from Gays. Well not really, in terms of body image issues, being objectified, dealing with being hit on by older guys - he could probably find more that identify with him by going to a teen girls forum

 

yeah well, that doesn't mean my opinions can be calculated according to that like some mathematical function. i understand you can imagine the different possibilities on what people can think about certain things, i do too; but what a certain individual thinks about a certain specific thing doesn't follow that obviously.

as for sounding straight...i have friends and colleagues who are straight and their opinions on certain specific subjects vary from one end of the spectrum to the other, talking about guys only, that is. so sounding straight doesn't mean anything, except to the people who live in a 2-dimensional world where gays act feminine and heterosexual guys act masculine.

as for LurdGanaro, maybe I am incapable of understanding how something seemingly so trivial can upset someone to the lengths of wanting to cut himself. I wish he would elaborate on exactly how it happened, but most he's said so far is "unwanted touching". to me that sounds trivial. i know it was a guy who from a professional point of view should have kept his hands to himself, and that LurdGanaro (according to others here) has been abused before, but even with all that in mind it still sounds like a trivial thing to me. that's my viewpoint.

 

Nothing Heard From L.G. For Three Days, And My Guess Is We Won't.

L.G. Has Just Done The Worst Possible Act He Could Whilst Living In A Communal

Enviroment *campus* He "Snitched"....

Depending On How Highly This Counseller Is Held In The G.L.B.T Community,

L.G. Has Just Alienated The Very Group Of People He Should Have Been Making

His Friends.

Regardless Of Wether He Lives On Or Off Campus, The Rest Of His Tertiary

Education Is Going To Be Hell....

Nasty Remarks In The Hallway's, Not Welcome At G.L.B.T Events, Food Thrown

At Him In The Dining Hall..etc etc etc....

All Because Somebody Placed A Hand On His Leg For A Few Seconds...F.F.S.




I Would Also Like To Make A Quick Reply To The Posters Who Screamed

"REPORT HIM", You Didn't Really Give Much Thought To The Long Term Effects

Of Your Advice, Did You..??????



Cheers Glen.

 

In my experience,

the ENTIRETY of my depression is caused by lack of intimacy.
There's nothing better in life than to having a lover

Ironically, I know this because I've never had one,
and did pretty much everything else. I've been rich. I've been poor.
I've traveled the world. I did heavy psychedelics for a few years, I did meth and heroin.

I cut myself too, and have been diagnosed with psychosis. I spent time on a psych ward. I haven't had a job in four years. My life's a circus.

To re-iterate, I am 99.99% sure that all woe and misery in my life can be directly attributed to my inability to be romantically intimate.
Even just to have meaningless sex without the exchange of money would probably cure me.

So, It's very confusing to me, and perhaps to others,
Someone wanted to sleep with you. Why does this notion offend you so much?


EDIT:

People tend to harp on about 'using' and 'abusing' and 'exploiting', when
all we are talking about here is the sharing of orgasms. that's it all it is.
Why dress it up it some big existential drama.
It's two people giving each other pleasure, like so many billions of people have done before, and
yet somehow it gets turned and twisted into 'abuse' or something sinister.

 

yes, i thought of that and no regrets, sorry... he experienced unwanted touching whilst in the care of a supposed professional... how, in any way, is that seen as acceptable by you? boundaries have been violated... the councillor not only crossed a professional boundary but a psychological boundary too and he is not supposed to do that... therefore he shouldn't be i that job, period...

yes, i've given it plenty of thought alright...

 

yes, and all this would be fine if he wasn't a vulnerable person, and if he actually wanted to have sex or get intimate with another person... but he went to the counsellor for help... the counsellor took advantage of his position... don't see what your problem with that is....

 

One of the main reasons for my depression is also the fact that Ive never experienced any intimacy with another person. And the knowledge that I almost certainly never will experience it. And that I will never be physically attractive to anyone other than people that I would have no desire to be intimate with. However, unlike you, meaningless sex is something that doesn't interest me at all. And would not engage in that even if I was physically normal.

And I'm sorry, but it is abuse if one of the participants in a sexual encounter is an unwilling participant. The way you're talking there, its as if you think rape is something that is "twisted into being abuse when it shouldn't be". I am jealous of normal women, and wish I was free to enter into a romantic relationship in the same way that they can. But I still don't agree with your attitude at all. You seem to have some warped view than any sexual encounter must be a good and positive experience. I dont have to have sex to know that is a complete nonsense.

Once again, Im in complete agreement with you here. It amazes me actually that there are some here who seem to think that a counsellor coming onto a patient in their care is a "trivial matter". It is not in the job description, is highly unproffessional, and is simply unacceptable behaviour for someone in a position of trust who is supposed to be there to provide advice and a friendly ear to sometimes extremely mentally vulnerable people. A counsellor trying to hit on a patient while they're supposed to be providing support is simply wrong, and it surprises me that there are some who are defending this behaviour.

 

That concept is a direct affront to your individuality. No one likes to think they arent really that special or that they are predictable. But burrying your head in the sand, thinking no one knows you can blind you to certain things in life. You need to calculate what people really think of you, cos just about all of the time they wont say it to your face. So that you can pre-empt what pidgeon hole they are going to put you in, and so you can better understand how the things you say are actually interpreted.

Its why everyone tends to get more cynical as they get older, they learn to go by their instincts rather than accepting at face value all the bullshit people are going to say to you

Again you've concentrated on the incident itself, which may indeed not be a big deal, LG is talking about the breach of trust, that he needed ONE friend needed a father figure. Of course getting grabbed on the arse by one guy isnt what caused him to cut himself, its the collective bullshit over the last decade. More of a straw that broke the camels back type thing. So your reaction, you keep harping on about the incident, is likely to be interpreted by him as - Well you arent really listening to me, you dont really understand, and it may even sound self serving - "You should let gay guys touch you, its no big deal, I like little cuties like you, if we meet dont freak if I touch you" - even though I know thats not what you meant

Same kind of thing with Glens post

Now, he may indeed be correct, that the long term effects are going to be worse, but at this point of time its going to get interpreted as "Be a good little homo and keep your mouth shut"


Same thing again with the cutting, Everybody gets on board and says stuff like "Please dont cut yourself, its not healthy" because they feel thats what they are supposed to say. Well, no shit, of course he knows that.

There are plenty of other self destructive behaviours that are worse, if thats whats required for him at the moment to feel sane, to actually feel something, well then as long as he doesnt hit an artery I'd prefer he do that, than turn to alcoholism, or injecting heroin, or even gambling - he notches up a 100k debt he's fucked for the next 20 years. Whereas with the cutting he's likely to grow out of it

Irrespective of that "Please dont cut yourself, its not healthy" is going to get interpreted as "I think you are too stupid to understand cutting is not normal, there must be something wrong with YOU for doing that, I've said that so my conscience is clear, I dont have to bother sticking around find out the root cause, whether it was Uncle Jimmys special secret or that your Older Sister made you eat her out when you were too young to undertsand, or the 50 or so guys or girls since then"

 

i'm not special, i don't wanna be. and i'm sure i'm pretty damn predictable when it comes to certain things.

 

So, I've been too busy with life to keep up with this thread. I would just shut it down, but beyond my personal relation to this issue, I simply like the fact that it is being debated, and maybe this is something that people need to get out. I never would have thought that there would be people on both sides of this issue. But the world can be extremely surprising I guess...
Sticking to the main issue of the original post...What happened seriously screwed me up. I needed to talk to someone about it...and it turned out to be all of you. Thanks for the input. Even the people who were very negative toward how I was feeling or how I reacted provide some sort of perspective on this whole thing.
I don't know. Life. It sucks, and then you die.

 

Yep, that just about sums it up...

 

Or, Life is a series of events to which we respond in our various ways making whatever we choose out of it. The good or bad is relative to our skills in navigating a once in a lifetime experience...our own existence.

 

life is utterly beautiful. with all the good and the bad.

 

@invisible soul I'm not talking about rape OBVIOUSLY.
Rape wasn't had. Someone wanted to have sex with LG, he didn't want to, so he didn't!
and I think that's great =)
It's a storm in a teacup. It's OK though I used to be like this when I was younger, and I still dramatize things here and there.

And whose Idea of sex ISN'T warped.
There's no universal consensus about sex.
Everyone has their own idea. yes it can be bad of course. Sex is probably overrated, it might just be the most overrated thing in the universe.

my quip about meaningless sex is kinda sarcastic. internet sarcasm ugh!

 

LG, life will get better mang, just hang in there =) 18-21 were pretty rough years for me too.

 

It wasnt just "someone" though, was it? It was a counsellor who was supposed to be offering support and maybe advice to LG, not make sexual advances towards him. It is not in the job description for counsellors to hit on the people (many of whom probably have some kind of mental health problems) you're supposed to be helping, so he shouldnt have done it, end of story! If he wanted sex with LG, then that's fair enough, but he should have kept that desire that to himself. And that's precisely what he would have done, if he'd been good at his job. If he cant keep his sexual desires under control while he's working, he shouldn't be in the job, simple as that.

Just because there's no universal consensus about sex, doesn't mean everbody's idea of it is warped. lol

As for sex being overrated, it may well be for all I know. Although I think whether sex is overrated depends on the individual person. Some people need certain criteria in place for sex to be great. Other people need no criteria, and for some it would be overrated whatever the situation. I try to stay out of any discussions where sex is a topic, because I cant comment on something I know nothing about.

The problem with "internet sarcasm" is it can extremely difficult to read, unless the person being sarcastic makes it blindingly obvious, which you did not. Sarcasm is easily detected in person through things like body language, and the tone of voice used. Such things cannot be detected over the net, so it can be very easy for sarcasm to go over people's head's online. lol

 

Speaking of sarcasm, here's some more. You're 18 for fuck sake. Was the bed disguised as a Burger King or something?

 

Now, THAT's how to make sarcasm over the internet blindingly obvious.

Although that is an interesting question...