benzo addiction help

i never expected this time would come, and i could really anyones advice who's experience with benzo addiction. this is a bit of a long rant, but if you could take the time to read and help I'd appreciate it alot.

I've been using benzos of all types for a year and a half. (never would be one, always alternating between them so my tolerance wouldn't appear to be bad).

This whole time I was under the impression that in order to be addicted to benzos you had to be getting physical WDs strictly from using daily, and damn did this fool me.

For the past 6 months I've been using them 1-4 times a week roughly, with my tolerance getting up to a point of 120 mg of diazepam to get me benzoed out compared to 20-30mg before I started.

Since normally I am a person very prone to anxiety, benzos have always seemed literally like heaven to me.

Typically my weeks in the past 6 months would go like this - get benzoed out for a day, sometimes three, then go off for a few days somtimes even a week at the most, but the whole time I'm not on them the only thought in my head is being on them, and fantasizing about them.

My identity has basically became benzos, or any other drug that could get me out of my psychological WD's from the benzos.

I went 2 weeks without them 3 weeks ago which was hell (didn't get that bad of shakes), relapsed 2 times since then and am still trying to do anything to get my mind off of them.

WHen i typically read about benzo addictions people say how they were doing them everyday for a while, but even though my use wasn't always everyday I'm certain that my ridiculous tolerance and inabillity to cope with sober living indicates some physiological addiction along with the psychological aspect, as they are intertwined.

should I go completely cold turkey, or do tiny daily tampering doses? I'm just worried that if I try to tamper it'll prolong my inability to cope with life normally, but if I go cold turkey it'll just make me think about doing them more, thus not learning coping mechanisms.

how did you get off of them, and how did you learn to enjoy life after? did you quit drugs entirely for a while afterwards or just stop the benzos?

 

you should never go cold turkey off benzos, ive heard of people having seizures from going cold turkey, along with other bad side effects, other than that the only thing ive been addicted to is pain pills man, so i wouldnt know what to tell you lol

 

You should see your doctor about doing a detox, usually takes about 14 days reducing you every 3 days or so, i wouldn't recommend doing it yourself because its dangerous though it doesn't sound like your physical symptoms are that bad YET, but still detox is a good place to start.

Also look into doing some cognitive behavior therapy, counseling etc, your always better to have some kind of support network in these situations i think, even if its just for encouragement idk there's loads of stuff out there might take a while to find out what works best, don't beat yourself up for relapses aswell because that's usually a cue for saying "fuck it" getting of the substance is the easy part its changing your behavior where you will really need to put the work in but it'll be worth it. Im glad you have identified you have a problem and are able to share it thats a step in the right direction.

All the best

 

it's not really the physical WD's that are getting to me, it's the psychological hell without em.

atm I got around 40 x 1.5mg extended release xanax pills, im thinkin just takin small amounts not really noticeable weaning off, so first my brain looses the association of realizing it's fucked up and being able to function.

or maybe its the fact knowing that I still have a stash of xanax that constantly reminds me of being on them, selling them seems possibly a good idea...

 

How i see it, it seems your psychological addiction is whats causing you the most trouble..

i know the feeling, 2-3 months back i would wake up, take 2mg xanax and smoke a bowl..for like a month straight,. i HAD to do this every day without feeling like shit, and thats when i realized i couldnt keep doing it.

i weened myself down, which i think is best for you. from a physical standpoint anyway..

from a psychological standpoint you need to train your brain to what your life was like back before you ate your first benzo.. id recommend writing down what makes you happy, gives you excitement etc., and then exercise those activities..

hope that helps bro and keep your head up ..

 

Damn never expected that from you Magical Mystery, but I guess that shit just creeps up on people. Best of luck

 

I was addicted to xanax for 10 years. The thing is many people who get addicted to benzos have an underlying anxiety problem. I HIGHLY recommend going to a doctor and not going this alone. You can tell the doc you were self medicating for anxiety. The drug of choice for treating this is klonopin, and it is so long acting. WD from benzos is extremely uncomfortable as you have rebound anxiety even if you didn't have it before. Though there are physical symptoms to wd from benzos it is not like opiates, and the mental D is much more uncomfortable, and dangerous. Since you were not taking it every day I suspect you are experiencing rebound anxiety and please get help for that. I don't think you should go this alone, and I have been there.

 

You should go to the doctor.
This is one of the worst possible things to which you could be addicted.
Chances are you aren't strong enough to quit by yourself, and if you don't quit this is an addiction that has the potential to be deadly.
Good luck.

 

I personally only quit benzos... I had to ween myself off slowly because at first I tried to quit cold turkey and had serious physical withdrawals that were quite scary.

Kava Kava really helped me out! Calms you down and helps you sleep at night too!\

Good luck, quitting benzos is hard... but it can be done!

 

ive heard alot about kava kava for withdraw of any drugs, would u mind pming me and giving me some info of how it helps, thanks man

 

I've completely clean from them since thursday as of now, so I'm pretty sure it won't get any worse than this - with a stash of 40 x 1.5mg xanax staring me in the face; gotta admit never thought I'd be able to do this.

I told my psychiatrist this whole story and he said he'd script me weaning klonopin doses NEXT month... wtf?? It's sooo tempting to dig into the rest of the stash I have now, but considering I'm not in danger of seizures (I haven't had them yet, after 4 and half days) I've been putting my will power to the test of its outer limits.

I realized how much of an idiot I've always been whenever benzoed out - after loosing many friends and the horrible situations I've gotten myself in.

Being drunk on benzos isn't even that fun; it's extremely re enforcing because of the whole "i dont give a fuck" feeling, but there probably isn't a drug that makes you so bored and FIENDY for more of it while your on it or any other drug to take you out of the limbo state.

thanks everyone.

 

Good luck man. You can do it. Of all people, you can do it.

The seizures aren't mild. They kill alot of people. Be careful. You should probably talk to a medical doctor. Cold turkey of Benzo's in WAY too risky.