I want to punch him in the face, but can't stop thinking about him...

Okay, basically I was unemployed for a year and I had to go through the humiliating process of going to my local job centre every week. It was around April this year that I met my new advisor and the first thing I saw was someone who was really kind and genuinely wanted to help me get back into work (I live in the UK by the way and anyone who has had to go to the job centre in the UK will testify that the majority of staff are extremely unhelpful and just want to get you out the door as quickly as possible) well my advisor was completely different. But as time went on and I saw him more and more often I realized that he was flirting with me big time, He always commented on how nice I looked, he would always shake my hand whenever we met even for the briefest moment and would hold eye contact with me for ages, I kept getting embarrassed and had to look away most of the time but he is young and rather good looking so I really enjoyed it

He phoned me at my house a couple of times and chatted about how I was doing. One time he asked me if I wanted to go to an open day at Virgin Atlantic, I said I’d love to but I had an all day interview at Virgin on the same day! I saw him at lunchtime in the canteen, I smiled at him but he just kept glaring at me and walked straight past. Then it dawned on me that I was chatting to another guy at the time, was he jealous? I had no idea...

A few weeks later I was enrolled on a government scheme to do a course at college to get me back into work. As I was approaching the college I noticed him out of the corner of my eye behind me, eventually he caught up with me at the reception and we walked over to where I had to be enrolled. He sat with us for about 20 minutes before deciding to go back to work, I was a bit baffled as to why he was able to come out and see us, and I thought it was maybe because he wanted to see how this new process works. But then the following Monday he came up to the 4th floor where our class was being held and asked our tutor of he could talk to me for a few seconds. I thought I was in trouble but it turned out that one side of my application form hadn't been filled in for a job I was applying to. I found that really strange because surely he could have told me on Friday when I visit him rather than coming all the way over to the college? I couldn’t think of another valid reason for him being there apart from our group.

About 2 months later my advisor managed to get me a temporary job at the college which ends next march. I was convinced that would be it and I would never see him again. About two weeks later Lizzy, another girl from the job centre joined our team, she's now a good friend of mine and we spoke about the guy in question and he was apparently calling her up loads of times, she had a boyfriend who started getting jealous. I didn't want to believe her since she can stretch the truth sometimes, and I had been in the Job Centre with other girls before and I never noticed this behavior myself except towards me. And then last Monday when we were both in town he brushed past me, I looked down and I saw him holding hands with another girl. I was in complete shock and I think he knew I caught him. I kept walking with Lizzy and didn't look back. I cried all night and most of the next day, then Lizzy decided to tell my work colleague Dave about what I saw and Dave goes to the Job centre every Tuesday and Wednesday to sit with my advisor for an afternoon to enrol people onto courses. He started to wind me up about it saying he was going to ask him about what happened on Monday. He must have brought me up in the conversation, apparently he said hi and told Dave off the record that I was one of the nicest, friendliest and kindest people he's ever met and I make his job really rewarding to do. I don't know if he actually said this but I think it was just guilt from being caught. Especially as he never gave any indication that he was taken and he really took me for a ride. Normally I can see right through people but he should have won an Oscar for his performance and I’m so angry at myself for falling for it.

To make matters worse, I work in a department called employer services which is in direct regular contact with the Job centre and I’ve heard him on the phone a few times to my colleagues, and not a day goes by where his name isn't mentioned about 5-6 times a day which drives me insane. Part of me never wants to see him again and I want to resist the urge to punch him in the face but another part of me just can't stop thinking about him every minute of every day. I just don't know what to do

 

So he's interested in you but he's a dick because he flirted with another girl who had a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend himself (apparently).

Out of curiosity, if you are/were interested in him and knew he was flirting with you, why didn't you take it further?

He could just be a player, but then again maybe he has a thing for you, was disappointed when you didn't react and so went after your friend. And as for his current gf, maybe he's not happy with her but doesn't know how to leave her? Not saying his actions are right, but the only way to know is the talk to him about it or leave it alone completely and move on.

 

Ignore the ****! He's making a total arse of you!

 

Out of curiosity, if you are/were interested in him and knew he was flirting with you, why didn't you take it further?

This^^^

If you wanted to pursue something with him you easily could have. Sounds like you didn't want to until someone else did. Was your ego hurt because he became interested in another woman or am I missing something?

 

he's a player

find a better man

 

Been there. I'm beginning to think all men are like that.

 

maybe he met his girlfriend after you...

i didn't realize that being mildly flirtatious with more than one person was a crime. i'm probably an asshole player too in that case.

 

Caught for what? Did he ever say he would not hold another woman's hands? Did you ask whether he was taken? Is someone who flirts or talks to you every now and again supposed to commit themselves to you alone in spite of there being no actual relationship to speak of?

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Granted, he sounds like he is trying to lay a bunch of women simultaneously while going out holding hands with someone. To me, that's a bad sign: either she is his girlfriend and he is cheating, or he's not doing much to keep his private life private. I'm not affectionate in public unless I am seeing that person exclusively. I don't think I could get out of my way to chase girls in a place I had no reason to be in, either. Yet, all of that is his business...

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However, it sounds like you feel he owes you for flirting with you. He doesn't. Any fantasy you may have had in your mind about him could have been easily dispelled were you open about your feelings. Had he deceived you after you disclosed your feelings for him, then you could accuse him of doing something wrong to you.

It looks like he might be douching other people, but we don't have enough information to confirm that. For now, I could say he seems a bit clumsy and insensitive in his romantic life, but no more...

 

I was going to say the same thing about women.

 

It is simply not true that you cannot stop thinking about him and if you weren't obsessing over the circumstance you wouldn't want to be punching him in the face. What you are describing has not as much to do with him as your own hysterical mind.

 

I agree.

 

...apart from myself and yourself, obviously?

 

No, I suck at relationships and all that, just as much. Really I think it's relationships in general that just suck.

So, looks like you are the only decent person in the world

 

"sucking" at relationships is what I do best.
But, I suck because I am honest and am not manipulative.
Basically, I'm not a complete bastard.
If you are a manipulative selfish bitch on heat, I have no sympathy for you.

 

I have a habit of choosing the wrong people.

 

Me too.
Well, they usually pick me.
Wrong move, I should realise that.
I usually think they are "completing me".
But, actually, they end up being the aspect of human behaviour that is rotten and is why I am not like that.
They pick me to take advantage of my good nature.
I will find the right person, eventually.

 

I tend to pick the wrong kind of people, but when the 'right' one comes along I screw it up. Trust is difficult for me, so when people seem right, but then do something to make me think otherwise (no matter how little - like don't call when they say they will) I give up on it. Then it's too late once I realise they were actually right for me all along. Oh well.

 

That's my attitude, at the end of the day.
It has to be.
You go mad if it isn't.

 

Me too.
I generally think people are being manipulative.
I'm not sure if you can be manipulative in a good way.
I guess people compromise, and that is them lying, and being manipulativee, slightly.
I guess I must see both the good and the bad manipulation as bad.
Ho, fucking, hum.

 

I just want people to give me a second chance. I'm not all that bad