How much "does" it suck being single?

Being single is great! You can do anything you want without having to consult with another person, you're free to do as you please and learn while doing so, most of all, well... I guess having personal freedom tops it all. But, being single has it's drawbacks... loneliness, not "being able" to consult with a significant other about certain experiences, and then there's that (I want to say) over-zealous urge to hold someone in your arms and extend a protective wing (In a male's perspective... being that I'm a guy and that was something I thought about just a minute ago).

Well, it's probably something that nobody cares about, seeing as no one really knows me here on the HipChats... BUT! I'm the kind of person that likes to share general information... well, personal info about myself, within reason, just because I have nothing better to do sometimes lol, but on with my observations:

I got a new dog the other day, and it's really opened my eyes in a way that I've interpreted, people are too scared these days. All the media and public influence, such as the Truth commercials (although they actually have a reasonable point), all these cameras they put up in public, all the way down to the way people raise their kids. "Don't go outside without me" "Don't go too far" "Don't talk to strangers (because some people are flat-out-freakin weird!)" and this seems to have put a detrimental effect on people's views on life, when it comes to talking to people and making new friends anyways.

When i grew up, I feel as though I was rather sheltered to what the real things in life are/were and that I was pushed into doing things without being asked what it was that I really 'wanted' to do. I was in a little league baseball team, which wasn't all bad, except that there were a few asshole kids on the team that I got into a few minor scuffles with. We have a gas station right around the corner to our house and up until I was 16, I still wasn't able to go to the gas station on my bike by myself. I just think it's a little ridiculous, I mean, I understand wanting to be over-protective of your kids... I wouldn't want anything to happen to my kids if I had any... But, come on people, we've got to let em roam, at least a little bit to get to know how the outside world really is. As long as you teach them well enough, they won't talk to strangers (which is a tricky subject), or at least the strangers that try to give em candy when they have ulterior motives.

My point is, it just feels so hard for me to reach out and make new acquaintances these days. You go to the mall, you go to the store you meant to go to, walk around for a few hours laughing and making jokes about people, but you, or I rather, never can just go right up to someone and be like "Oh, hey! How's it goin? My name's "this," what's your name?" Sure, it sounds easy enough now that I'm thinking about it, and I'd go to the mall and say that's what I'm going to do (if I could get out and do that... I was in an accident not too long ago and can't get out much), but when it comes down to it, I feel this fear pulling at my conscience telling me 'No, they're going to do what everyone else does and look at you like you're crazy, then look at their friends like 'Dude, let's get oooout of heeere! This guy's a total creeeep!!''

Why do people do that? I would even get those looks and emotions at music festivals by vendors, who (in my eyes) are supposed to be "family" and make people feel welcome and at peace. Now, I've had that conversation many times with people about family, and I know who/what they are, and what contributions they make to the festival society. But I think the WORD family should portray what family actually means, regardless of the circumstances. I'm sure certain people have been fucked over being in that type of business, but to shun all the passers-by and only associate with your "family's" group alone... it just seems wrong to me. Then again, I realize I'm being sort of stereotypical and should probably put all this mumbo-jumbo in another forum category. But it's just my personal experience with various people and "tribes" I guess.

Back to the Love and Relationships (LOL, I've gotten WAY off subject here, as always hehe), when you're single, do you ever get those urges where you just wish like hell you had someone to hold on to, someone to share things and ideas with? Someone that will hold a blind eye to all the prejudice and stereotypes in the world and just see you for who you are, not some new-fangled crazy person, "because everyone's crazy and this guy's ideas must be totally whack. More whack that that last guy that came up trying to talk to me... who WAS that guy anyways??" Well, wouldn't you like to know now? After the fact?

Anyways, I was just wondering your thoughts on being single or in a relationship, and if you get these same thoughts and urges like I do. Just something I thought about and suddenly thought "Wow... I should post something about this!" My first post! Wheeeee!!

[END]

 

Congrats on first post!

I have thoughts on being single... although I have been technically 'single' for a year, I did have someone around that occupied my fancy. Unfortunately, the feelings weren't mutually, so I recently became single and friendless.

It's kind of exhilarating. I haven't been this unconnected with people in a while, and overall, I don't really like it. I can't go back to where I was, but I believe something good will come along eventually. I'm patient

I do miss it, but because I know I'm eager to get into something serious, fun, and new with someone new: I know I should take advantage of this time that I have to myself. So far it hasn't been the greatest, sometimes I think my time would be better spent with friends. I guess I just have to wait until those start coming around... But everyone wants more friends, so I'm sure I'm going to have a handful once I put myself out there.

Love is great. Don't have it now, but I will. Gotta take advantage of solitude while you can

 

Altough it's been 21 years since I was single, I do remember it had it's good points and bad points, I guess like everything. I live with my wife and 2 teenage daughters and the one thing right now that would appeal to me the most about being single is I would never have to wait to use the bathroom. No offense to any of the ladies who might read this.

 

Being single rules!! as long as your chasing girls at the same time or getting attention. (don't tell my GF that though)

 

I do miss having all my meals cooked, lunches packed, dishes done, and the house being clean as a whistle when I got home every day.

Wait, that never happened anyway!

 

Being single does have a lot of great advantages. Which, you could say are of more importance, like being able to create or even re-create yourself as a single person. I find that a lot of people I know that are in a relationship tend to be viewed as a couple rather than being viewed as a singular person. People say "Where are (for instance) Mike and Michelle?" rather than "Where's Mike at?" People might not always say it, but they do seem to do it more. Plus, while you're re-creating yourself, you can modify many different aspects of your life, such as your career, different habits and interests, just the ability of being able to change certain things is quite different in perspective. But at the same time, having someone there able to encourage you to do these things also has it's advantages, as an equal and co-independent viewpoint. It also seems like while you're single, there's always this pull or this strange state of emotion that makes you feel somewhat isolated at times. While, being in a relationship with someone, sure, you get feelings sometimes like, "Man, I wish she wouldn't do this" or "I can never just do whatever" but it's not like a "MAN! I wish I was single." all the time.

If I had a choice to be single or in a relationship... I'd choose both. Maybe I should grow up and be a swinger... ...NAH! LOL

 

:smilielol5: I like that! Some girls just don't like to clean. Me, I'm a neat-freak these days.

 

It sucks big time.I've been single all my life and I'm 40.

 

I don't mind being single, I have been for over a year now. I do miss having someone to give you that needed attention on a bad day, but otherwise it's something that doesn't bother me hugely. I may be more bothered if I was single and not so through choice, however. I've just not met the 'right' girl, but I meet girls.

I think you have to consider how independent a person is, regardless. My close friend for example, cannot stand his own company and needs a girlfriend all of the time.

 

You can go up to people in the street and start convos you have to be really positive and have no fear. After i first did DMT i went crazy happy and spoke to anyone near me, best months of my life.

 

I was in a string of longer term (year or two) relationships for the past 5 or so years. And while there are certain things I like about being single right now, for example getting a message and being able to go out with anyone at a moments notice, without worrying about should you run it by your significant other first, or what not. I have been single now for around a year, and I am glad that I have learned to be a more independent happy person on my own, but I would be lieing if I said I preferred being single.

I miss being able to share my life with someone. I don't mean my life as in the general life I live on a whole, I mean someone you want to talk to most every day, having someone that you want to have with you a lot of the time because its good company, when you want to go out, its always nice to have someone come with you and enjoy your time with, whether its going out for a walk or to a party. Sure I have that with friends, but its different when it is a romantic relationship. With friends you often don't have to try, but in relationships more often then not you do, and I find that more rewarding.

 

Its not all black and white

Once you get into a closed long term relationship that starts to extend into years, you dont have anything to compare it too anyway, as you dont know what you're life would have been like if you were single over those years, or if you had spent it with some one else.

Do the majority end up with the one they really want to be with?, doubtful


People say a whole lot of shit cos its what they feel they have to, or its expected of them or they want to reassure themselves.

So its kind of irrelevant when people say stuff like, Oh my partner is my soulmate, my best friend, the love of my life, yada yada..........because they are never going to say stuff like, Well I'm sticking with this one cos I'm too afraid I wont be able to do better, I really wanted to be with such and such but they didnt want me so I went with option no. 2, or it doesnt really matter who I end up with I just dont want to end up lonely. And they wouldnt know any different anyway, whether they would be better off or not with a different life

 

I like being able to do whatever the fuck I want, as long as it doesn't hurt my blood family, without worrying about others opinions or relationship ramifications. I like having no commitments.

I wish I had someone who understood me well, accepted me, etc, just to be there.

I wish I had someone who I could EVEN have sex with (without fear of infection or embarassment), much less be sexually open and exploring with.

I wish I had someone for general comfort and companionship.

 

i'm sorry, i just can't figure out why "does" is in quotations..

 

I am sure being single is a lot of fun and a carefree experience, but right now I hate being single - my ex broke up with me several months ago and I am still having issues. One of the reasons why I hate being single is because, I stay at home so much more often than I would if I was dating somebody. I miss being intimate and sharing personal things.

 

Well, here's my opinion.
I think it does suck, for me personally, being single. It's not being single itself that sucks. It's the fact that I lack that perfect companion(s), (I'm polyamorous). The fact that I'm, in reality, not ready for a relationship since I'm just starting college and am going through a lot emotionally. I just got out of an abusive relationship, and I'm questioning a lot about myself, because the last guy I dated put a lot of ideas in my head that aren't mine. Not to mention, I'm 19, living in today's society. Most likely, I have no fucking clue who I am.

So I definitely would choose being single over being in a relationship I'm not passionate about/not ready for. But what I think sucks is the FACT that I'm not ready. I wish life weren't so complicated. I wish my last relationship had worked out. I wish my FIRST relationship had worked out. But we do not live in a perfect world, and rarely does your first end up being your last. It's not being alone that's killing me; I'm complete on my own. It's that life isn't a romance novel, and certainly not a TEEN romance novel.

 

This.

 

op-lol...being single you have time for those long assed posts too i see!

 

Not at all when you're mostly a loner.

 

Right now it sucks. Tomorrow it might not. Overall I'd say it sucks more than it doesn't. Probably due to human nature, that old chestnut.