Had abortion a month ago...boyfriend is acting different!? Whats goin' on?

OK as you all know I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months...not that long abut I have known him through a friend for a few years. We dont really get along...but I suppose thats besides the point here. He, not being self sufficent and not planning on going to school was talking about kids really early. He wants kids soooooo bad...and me as well...but when I am more mature and can afford them....isnt that the right mindset? He doesnt agree...or he says he does, but he doesnt. We are usually careful but I guess all it takes is one time and I got pregnant about a month or two ago. I was at first happy, but then reality set in and it just wasnt gonna workout. Him and I were both against abortion for ourselves (me)...but it changes when it happens to you. Alot goes through ur head. He wanted of course to keep the child....even though we would be struggling for the rest of our lives and not even our parents are finiancially stable! It wasnt fair to the child and I was torn....it was the most horrible thing to go through....my boyfriend went from saying that he loved me and it was my choice...blah blah...to the next day making me feel horrible cuz I sounded OK when i talked with him...yet I had been a mess and was trying to compose myself...he blew up at me saying meanly that he made a mistake in wanting to have kids with me. That hurt me really bad cuz he went from supporting me to making me feel bad...saying everyone else was making the decision for me. I wasnt that far along and just took a pill to end the pregnancy...very painful....he has no idea what it did to me mentally and phsyically...emotionally, it will be with me forever and he wasnt understanding at all.

Now it just doesnt feel the same...he has held it against me in arugments...and made me feel horrible...when it was supposedly a decision we both made. My self esteem is buried so low...isnt he supposed to love and support me...to be my rock and stick by me, instead of doing the complete opposite? I cried sooooo hard, almost deleriously so around him as well about the situation...and he felt that it didnt affect me at all?! He said that things wouldnt change...but they have. Its just not the same...it seems he tries to pick fights over EVERY LITTLE THING. he is extremly jealous....*sigh*...I love him but feel that I deserve more....someone who will understand me, respect me and be there for me....is that too much to ask??

 

He sounds ridiculously unworthy of you. I'm sorry, but if a guy can't understand why a woman isnt' ready to give birth yet, then just ain't that cool.

However, it sounds like you guys might have talked it out a little more, to try and avoid some of this upset. I mean, it was his kid too, though you are the one who would have to carry it for 9mo and go through excruciating pain (for most) when birthing it. I don't know... tricky situation. If you guys were only dating 5mo, I don't know how much of a rock he's supposed/able to be. Not that I've had a lot of really serious, long term relationships (hell, I've had 2 total, one 9mo long and the other 3) but..... I guess I just feel like you can probably do a lot better than this guy. At least find someone who can be a little more stable and quite a bit less hurtful towards you.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this, you sound like a really good person so that makes it harder. Just stay true to yourself in times like that, and they will pass/ Have peace and good vibes.

 

Rule #1 of ANY Relationship. If you don't get along, and communicate, you shouldn't be in that relationship to begin with.

I didn't read your whole message, but, I think if the guy LOVED you, he wouldn't have changed because of your choice.

 

I think that everyone would react differntly to abortion, and in strong ways, because of the sort of subject it is, and I cant begin to imagine what is going through either of your heads since the decision, maybe you both just need time to think and talk (hard as it may be), or maybe the best think for both of you is to move on, even though you said you love him.
He may not know any other way to react than to fight with you, he is probably confused, especially if you haven't talked about it properly.

Peace, Holly