Hello, Im new to this forum that i discovered yesterday. I don't know really where to begin because i have so much to say and have questions for, but i think i will begin in my early child hood. Growing up i was a TOM-BOY , i wore the baggy jeans, t-shirts and hung out with the boys at school. i hated the girl drama and i wanted to play the games with the boys like wall ball, basketball, tag..etc all the girls did was walk around talking about who they were dating, and so on. i was dating a boy at the time( we dated for 4 years, no sex or any thing,) to this day i love very much and hold great in my heart. I loved the way he treated me , stuck by my side and i stuck by his, he was everything to me. We broke up but i still loved him and i hurt him and my self...long story and no i never cheated on him nor did he cheat on me. A year later i met a girl that i hated a first. we would go at it everyday and start fight with each other everyday in class. But everyday when i was going to that class i would get really nervous and get red. I just told my self i hated her and it was nothing. We became friends 3 month later just out of no where and we are Best friends to this day. I will call her Liz to hind her real name. A year before that sorry im going backwards , i forgot about this, an other TOM-BOY was in my school, I was intimidated by her a lot again just wanted to fight her hahah, I wanted to be th toughest girl in the school .Growing up with 3 brother and no sisters and being a TOM-BOY was fun but sometimes it was difficult because my brother called me a Lesbian a lot and ask me many times if I was. I never wanted to think I was a Lesbian because I always thought I was going to get make fun of and gross, like my brother who already did call me a lesbian or thought I was, plus I grew up in a Catholic family but I don't think that matters. In high school my best friend Liz went to a Catholic school, Sacred Heart and the big stereotype is that everyone there are lesbians. For her sweet 16th b-day she had a big party and on the way back in the car she was to making out with one of her friends( female) right in front of me. I got really jealous and mad. I didn't do or say anything. A couple days later I called her and was going to tell her that I was jealous of what she did and I think that I'm in love with her but I couldn't say it. Then after that I changed my mind and just thought it was a thing I was going through. At the time I was trying to get back with my ex boy friend . 2 years later Liz had sex with a girl, which I knew all along she was a Lesbian but her family didn't like it and when they found out she was in a lot of trouble. I was there for her and she talked to me about it , and I except people for who they are no matter what. There were two girls in high school during sports that made me feel “weird” I guess. The first girl was during ice hockey season, and we always competed with each other on the ice. My family and her family didn't like each other because of something that happened with our parents a while back. We didn't like each other at first but I respected her because she my captain. I will name her Beth just to hind her read name. When ever I was around her I got really nervous and excited and red in the face, I tried to hide it. At the end of the 2 hockey season we were good friends, not close but good respectful friends and our families were friends again to. During Cross country season there was a girl that I competed with also. We had a lot in common and we just clicked from the start. We became really good friends. Everyday when I saw her or knew I was going to see her I got nervous. I think I did like her. We still talk to this day. Recently I was watching “THE L WORD” on some YouTube videos and I really like the show and I was attracted to Shane and sexually attracted to Shane. I just recently came out to my Best friend Liz and my boyfriend that I am Bisexual. My boy friend said that Im not Bi because I never tried a women yet and I asked him if we can have an open relationship so I can explore to see if I do like women and he said yes that we could. But when me and him have sex it hurts and It doesn't feel good for me like I think it should even when it doesn't hurt, it feels like nothing. Watching the videos of Shane having sex with the other girls gets me excited. Im attracted to the TYPE that she is, is Shane a butch, soft butch, dyke??? She is boyish yet has women qualities which I love. Im very new to the terms sorry. Also when I was up at college I was attracted to my Hall Director who was a athletic dyke, not fat but in great shape with a nice body. I think we had a connection but im still confused about how lesbian hit on one an other or hint that they are interested in you. I felt her eyes on me a few times and I got to see her Girl friend she was dating. Can anyone tell me if they think I have the potential to be Bi or a Lesbian??? What type is Shane from the L word or what do you call her soft butch???? -Thank you
There's no doubt that you have sexual attractions for women. The question is, do you also have sexual attractions for men? If the answer to that is yes, then you're bi. If it's no, then you're lesbian. You said you loved your ex-boyfriend. But you can love someone without being sexually attracted to them. Going from what you've said, Id guess you are probably a lesbian. Or if bi, your attractions for women are stronger than those for men. I also wouldnt take much notice of the idea that you cant know your sexuality because you havent been with that gender in a sexual capacity. Ive never experienced even the most basic levels of physical intimacy with anyone, and I know my sexuality. Im also very sure that gay men who have spent many years in the closet still know they are gay even if they may never have been with a man. And vice versa for lesbians. Also, being a tomboy has nothing to do with being a lesbian, or being sexually attracted to women.
I dont think i feel sexual attractions to men any more as i used to. I am dating a man right now and the sex feel like nothing or it hurts to much and i have to ask him to stop. I only "get off " when he goes down on me but not during sex.i love him but im not sexually attracted to him as much as i am with a women now. I still havent tried a women yet but i want to so bad and it is driving me crazy, sometimes im in a bad mood because i so frustrated.
I think what's key is, in your opening post, you said you didnt enjoy it even when it doesn't hurt. People who are gay/lesbian tend to not enjoy sex with the opposite sex. If you dont like sex with men, and dont think you feel sexual attraction towards them, then its very likely that you're a lesbian. I can understand it might be daunting to come to terms with that, as stating you're bi would probably be a lot easier, or at least seem like that. Obviously, you know yourself and your own attractions and feelings better than anyone. But from everything you've said, Id say its likely that you're lesbian. Good luck with everything.
I just dont know what to do because i am with a man right now and he is so in love with me and i dont want to hurt him. i already came out to him and said that i think i might be Bi or Lesbian and he said he will let me explore that. i just dont want to hurt him, but i want to try a women so bad.
This is the most damaging thing about our culture that frowns on same sex relationships, and makes lots of people force themselves into relationships with the opposite sex when they know deep down that is not what they are attracted to. People get hurt, because the gay/lesbian person hooks up with a member of the opposite sex because they think that is their only choice, or that maybe in time, they can be "fixed" of their same sex attractions. It is terrible that so many feel they have to be in a heterosexual relationship, even if they know in their heart it is not what they really want. It not only hurts the person living the lie, but also their opposite sex partner. But thats our society for you... Of course you dont want to hurt him, but if you really are a lesbian, then sooner or later, hurting him will be unavoidable, unless you wish to live a lie for the rest of your life. And if you do have to hurt him, the longer you leave it, the worse it will be. You cant keep up a facade just because you're afraid of hurting someone else. What's the point in being in a relationship if you don't feel fulfilled and happy? I can understand that you dont want to hurt him, Id be exactly the same if I was in your shoes. But you may have no choice but to do so if being with a woman is ultimately what will make you happy. It'll also be better for him in the long run, and if he really loves you, Im sure he'd want you to be happy. Even if that meant the break up of your relationship.
I have asked him that if i am a Lesbian and that if i do want to be with a women , he said he would respect it but be mad and upset also and let me go if that is what i want. I hate hurting people because i get hurt also when i hurt others. I dont want to break up with him yet, ,not until i do try out a women. (Very short version a lot of details cut out)See this is alot harder than your average relationship because he is 32 and im 20 ( turning 20 in 2 days). We started dating when i was 18 and my parents found out and wouldn't let me but i did it any ways sneaking around and behind their backs and then i ran away from home and we are living together in an apartment. I dont see or really talk talk to my parents any more, and i haven't came out to my family yet because i feel they wont believe me and just tell me its a phase im going through, only two people know my boyfriend and my best friend that is a lesbian already and she came out to her family already to after struggling with it.He was the one i lost my virginity with at 19. We went through HELL to be together and now this Lesbian shit hits me NOW!!! WHY!!!!!!!! This is very difficult for me emotionally.
Well, there'd be something wrong with you if you didn't hate hurting people. I think any decent person in the same situation would feel the same way. Its just unfortunate that you were not able to pursue your feelings for women before you hooked up with the guy you're with now. Though that is quite often the way things go for young gay people who wound up in relationships with the opposite sex. I think you do need to try being with a woman, though with the added pressure of potentially hurting your current boyfriend, Im not sure how natural you could act in that situation. It is very hard, but I think you'll need to try and put all thoughts of hurting your current guy out of the way while hooking up with a woman. I know myself, Im the kind of person that would rather hurt myself, than hurt someone I felt really close to. Which I guess might be the danger with you. Its not really the healthiest situation to be in to start exploring your attractions and feelings for women, but if your feelings about it are that strong, which it sounds like they are, then I think you have to do it. One sided relationships are never healthy, and if you're not attracted to your boyfriend in a sexual way, then things will only get gradually worse. I know you dont want to hurt him, but if the relationship has to end, the sooner it ends the better it'll be for both of you. Including him. Im not really the greatest at giving advice, but that's the way I see things anyway. And I hope you can find fulfillment either way.
