First of all I want to apologize for this really long thread but i do appreciate those who take the time to read it.. Mainly i just need to write down my thoughts and look for advice so again sorry. My wife just left me today after we've been together for 5 years, lived together for 3 and have been married for 4 month. I have always treated her with respect, been a gentleman and supported her no matter how many sacrifices I had to make. She always had it tough in live even from the beginning.. Dad decided to just dissappear when she was 6 without any kind of answers and then her mother fell for a guy who turned out to be a crack head and she wasnt strong enough to let him go until recently. Right after highschool I couldnt take it anymore and I had to get her away from home where she was always was depressed so I sacrificed my chance of going to college and got a second job (I am originally from germany and traveled half across the world to get an education over here) By then I had been working from 9am till 10pm daily trying to support us.. she had cheated on me twice already and i still loved her and gave her another chance seeing only the good things in her. Time went on and we lived our life with me continuing to work hard trying to further my education by picking up a 3rd job and a 4th job as my gateway into a career that i love since college wasn't an option. She continued to betray me, lie to me and as I realize now fall out of love. 3 Month ago we got married and i thought it was the best day of my life.. she just looked so beautiful and i did everything i could to make it the best day of her life. We have had problems in bed because she never wanted to and I adjusted to that talking myself into the fact that it was my fault.. when she didnt want to that night i knew the passion in our relationship was gone. Things seemed to go downhill from there.. She seemed to distance herself more and more from me while I kept on fighting for us. I compromised thinking that maybe she just needs to find herself..then I tried maybe she just needs to find us again but i was to late for that. I found a past message on one of her accounts talking to her friend how much she fell for him and how he could be this cruel.. thankful that she hasnt ended everything yet for him. That was the 3rd time of her being unfaithful, yet I remained the loyal dog who she could beat no matter how many times and i would return with love. I confronted her and we tried to fix it until last night when I just needed an answer to "Are you still in love with me?". Her answer was no and now I am here left behind alone confused about where i went wrong. I can't escape questions like why she doesnt love me anymore, if i havent sacrificed enough, if there maybe is somebody else that she won't admit to.. but most importantly why do i deserve to be in this much pain? I always thought that every little girl grows up with stories about princesses and wanting nothing more then just to find their own prince charming who will save them. Now that i've made her my world, sacrificed everything just to save her from all the pain and make the sadness go away I find out that all will be left behind is my prince's crown and a never happy ending story. And so he lived unhappily ever after..
Man, I'm really sorry to hear about your girl. She sounds horrible to drag you along like that, to cheat numerous times, and then to marry you knowing that she wasn't in the relationship. You're a hard worker and passionate, I'm sure you'll find someone 1000x better than her! Take care.
I'm so sorry to hear that. Some people can be very nasty and hurtful, I know that all too well.:grouphug:
I am sorry to hear that. As difficult as it is you are going to have to pick up your life and move on. Why can you not go back to school now and do what you wished to before. It might be a good place to start. Healing comes with time, may time be good to you.
HG, some women are like that.Greedy and selfish, using everyone every chance they get. I don't think there is anything anyone can tell you that makes it feel better. All I can say is I wish you the best. All you need is time to get past it.
She sounds immature as fuck, and she's been taking advantage of you hugely. It's hard to understand when things change so suddenly. Life will never be fair, but you can still find good fortune in this world.
I'll stick my neck out and take a different road than the posters above me and say that, you have been just as "immature" and "selfish" as your wife. It's difficult for me to entertain people who set themselves up to be used only to beg for pity or claim moral superiority later. You seem to have known what was coming to you, and you got it. Everything went according to plan, and I don't know why I should pity you. I will first give the nod to a satyr than the martyr. If for no other reason than, satyrs aren't beggaring sentimental bores...
Cherea i understand what you mean and i appreciate every word of it and the same goes for everybody else who has read or posted this. Everything did go by plan and I knew about it... does that mean that I didn't try to change it? No. Am I accepting reality? Yes. She has made her choices and Ive made mine. You can't fight a battle for somebody who doesnt want to be involved in the fight. It will hurt for a part of my young life but I will take my experiences and move on from here.
I don't think he was trying to pass himself off as a martyr - rather he was just really in love with her a willing to take a ton of bullshit from her which makes him dumb and weak, but not a martyr. He probably wants to be the hero also - which has backfired on me in the past as well - although not to the degree it has for him. OP you need to grow a spine and realize that love doesn't fix everything and next time don't fall for someone so easily without keeping your distance first for a while to give yourself time to see the red flags. In fact I think you need to search for a thread on here about "red flags" and study the fuck out of it.
Sorry for the shitty luck man. I am on my second marriage now as the first one went about as well as yours. Luckily I think I found a keeper this time. Keep your head up bro.
I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I read this somewhere and I thought it might help you. ----------------------------------------------- In Helen Fisher's book, "Why We Love", she states that: millions of years of protecting and providing for women has bred into the male brain this tendency to choose women they feel they need to save. What separates man from animal is his ability to think and reason. Just because it may be natural for men to be chivalrous, it doesn't mean they can't place a limit on just how far they will go. Should they open a door, pull out a chair, take a woman's hand when crossing the street or give her their jacket if she's cold? Absolutely. Should they try to save a woman whose life is a mess? They do so at their own peril. Men try to save damsels in distress because it makes them feel powerful, in control and manly. Sometimes they are afraid of women and think they won't be rejected if they fix a woman's problems. They hide their inadequacies behind what looks like strength. They know they don't have their act together, so instead of working on themselves they'd rather work on someone else. Such relationships are doomed to fail. If these men really were strong, they would not be trying to save someone that appears to be a victim. They don't realize that aside from a few circumstances beyond one's control (acts of God, accidents, disease, etc.) one's position in life is based on who they are on the inside, not someone or something "out there". There is an axiom that says: There are no victims, only volunteers. Knights believe that if the woman gets better, she'll become the perfect girlfriend. The only problem is that if she does become healthy, she will not want to be with someone who is so flawed that he tolerated being with a "broken-winged bird". Healthy people do not want to be with unhealthy people. On the other hand, if she doesn't get better, the man will never have the perfect girlfriend because he won't get his needs met. In addition, his fears of an intimate relationship will not be repaired by staying with an inadequate woman. It's a no-win situation. Why else do men choose damsels in distress? According to Dr. Laura in her book, "Ten Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives" other reasons for "stupid chivalry" are: guilt for past transgressions and lifestyles, feelings of real or imagined inadequacies, fear of the pain of abandonment, loneliness, ego aggrandizement, fears about women's (aka Mom's) approval and acceptance and a fragmented sense of masculinity. If you're currently trying to be a knight in shining armor, what's your reason? Just because a man doesn't acknowledge that a woman is responsible for her circumstances, it doesn't mean those same circumstances won't come back to bite him in the butt at some future date. Larry Birkhead's life is now chaotic as the result of trying to save a woman whose life was chaotic. Would you want to be in his shoes?
You got what you were asking for. Clearly there were a lot of problems before you got married - so why did you do it? You were clinging to a broken branch instead of looking for more steady berth. You say you were trying to see only the good things in her - but what kinda approach is that when deciding if being with someone is a good idea? You were too into a fantasy romance to be rational about the situation. Hopefully you learned from all this, and may your next venture in love be with someone more deserving of your big heart.
