Seems like you have the problem pretty well sized up... well done moving ahead and beyond the funk. It seems to me that you have a lot to celebrate- not only with the progress through your curriculum but the fact that you have the intelligence to work your way through this problem... I imagine you'd have been able to successfully solve the issue without our feedback but it is good to get other perspectives.
The depression was lingering in class and after I got out today, so I went and ran a mile barefoot on the track by my house then after went to the gym to work out. I have blisters on my feet from doing so but the depressed vibe my mind was getting went away. I journaled about it and all as well. It seems it might be an everyday battle, but once I get the routine down to a habit, it won't be difficult. It is sort of a blessing in disguise, sort of making me do the right thing, and if I slip up it will be obvious because I'll fall into those same "comfortable" feelings of feeling low and isolating myself. I've let some people know where I'm at so they can keep their eyes on me too.
Nicely done. Expect this to be an ongoing issue and you've set out an excellent strategy for dealing with it- I'm impressed. Check your diet... some foods may affect your state of mind... journal what you eat and see if there is any correlation between certain foods and the depression episodes.
I know that a diet high in sugars is great if you want depression. I really take what I eat seriously though. Which is another thing that I havent mentioned. Let me just say that I would rather smoke crack again than eat fast food or drink a soda or smoke a cigarette or do a lot of the shit that people do on a regular basis. This is one area that I do not mess around with, it is weird being offered "food" by people that don't know I eat real food and having to make up excuses or tell them the truth of why I can't accept their offer. A big thing for me is I did not catch any illness all winter long (still havent, it's obviously spring now) I had gotten used to at least once a winter becoming seriously ill, which sucked. This past winter I was around people that were sick all the time! Constant battle to not catch anything, I had to blow my nose a couple times, but I think being around the illnesses that were being spread while taking care of my body gave me the immunities I needed. It's crazy because you can actually carry the bacteria that get's people sick and pass it around without it making you sick. There were a few times I felt like I was a vessel for the bacteria that tried to enter me, got my friend sick through being said vessel. I find that if I have everything I can do to make me feel better in harmony than it's extremely difficult if not impossible to be depressed.
This very much echoes my own attitudes concerning the "food" supply... which is effectively the government sanctioned slow poisoning of the general population... this tangent I could really take to a full derail rant but I won't ... I've had the same observation as far as people being ill around me and I either completely escape whatever is going around or my case be ridiculously mild. There is a definite body/mind link which is why I suggest exercise to folks caught in the doldrums. I am 100% convinced that food is the ultimate culprit in many conditions that people are carrying around... including being a factor in ADHD, bipolar, and depression. The chemicals added... sugars, colors, preservatives are almost certainly making themselves known but the industries that manufacture those food additives have lobbied hard and bought the privilege of having their poisons labeled safe. Anyway, good work dealing with your challenges.
Thanks, I could go on and on as well talking about these topics. I wrote a new poem today. I'll post it here and in the poetry section. I feel the wind, flowing through, freeing me. Birds sing, two wheels pedal by, not one cloud in the sky. Vegetables secure in my bag, from my house, made sure to grab, feeding my body, health in each bite. Then are the thoughts in my mind I let pour, out onto pages to set sights on my core. White blossom trees breathing, absorbing the sun, I realized that this is the One, moment I've been trying to find, can't be achieved when mind is on time. True beauty of the here and the now, the thoughts of the past and future are not, consuming my mind it is this I forgot, to sit back and enjoy every moment alive, spirit is glowing, positive action make thrive.
Kudos to you for choosing not to go the easy road of medicating yourself and creating a dependence on drugs to manage a symptom of an issue that would remain unresolved. It's sickening to see the television ads for new drugs... as though mood disorders and depression can be cured with a pill. Finding creative outlets will work far better than cultivating addiction to legal poisons.
This shit is so fucking difficult man. My mind begs for an easy way out, hence the title of this thread. I felt the depression trying to consume me after I got out of school, so I went for a run on the track and not even into my first 1/4 mile my body is creating this painful cramp in my side screaming give up. I knew it was in my head cause I just ran a full mile straight not even two days ago with absolutely NO cramps. So I pushed through it and ran my first two miles straight outdoors. I'm going to go work out now up at the ymca, this is definitely one of the hardest things I've had to deal with, my head would love to take some nasty pharmaceuticals I'm sure. I have so much self defeating behavior it's fucking ridiculous, procrastination is a large part of it all.
Trust me- I know it's difficult... that's why I respect anyone willing to go the long road in dealing with this. That is far and away your best chance of dealing with it. You're doing extraordinarily well... don't be thrown too hard by setbacks as they are part of the process... in a way they are a sign that you are achieving overall progress. Another useful tidbit I learned that made a HUGE difference with me: don't let the highs (good moods) get too high because we can crash just as hard from them as we can any recreational drug. Learning to regulate your moods (and mood swings, if they are part of this) is going to make the overall battle less intense. You kinda have to be on your guard all the time- at least in the beginning as you sort of train yourself to react differently to things that might set the cycle in motion. Look at things, situations, conversations, other interactions, as nothing more than data which you may exercise the option of affixing an emotional value to. I'm not 100% in executing this but I've gotten adept enough that I'm simply in the habit of stopping a process in my mind and looking at a situation from an almost objective point. People who would try and provoke me (mostly work situations for me) now find the tables turned as the slight smile reaction I have (if I react at all) often provokes them when they realize the game has not worked. My own spotty early track record showed that my strong emotional reactions only made matters worse... in every case. No, it ain't easy but it does get better over time.
I am dealing with the same thing. You need something to grasp onto, whether yourself or family or something else. It does not have to be about you just something. I know it is confusing I know it hurts but find something.
Yeah, when I am in a good mood, I take that shit way too far and get way too high. The procrastination on my tasks at hand is the major thing killing me right now. "When we fail to take care of our personal affairs for whatever reason, it seems to lower our self esteem." That's where I'm at. I started on part of my drawing class final project earlier, now I'm eating lunch, and on here. When I'm done I'm going to have to beat myself with a hammer to get back to drawing. A friend of mine who people always provoke would let everyone get to him and react just how the people wanted him to. I gave him some advice, and he hasn't been reacting at all anymore to their bullshit. I have quite a bit of work to do, so I gotta get on that.
It would appear that you gave good advice. Your friend will notice over time that the attempts to provoke will dwindle.... but he should be aware that for the time being he still carries a reputation. Keep up the good work and stay strong!
Today isn't a good day i barley slept last night the thought of killing myself seems the easiest way out. Got into an argument with my best friend. I was upset that she never picks up the phone when i call now or returns calls...she says she is always with her bf and can't (he doesn't like the fact her and i are bfs) to make matters worse over the last two yrs i have lent her over $65,000 with her promicing to pay the monthly payments and that she could go to her dad anytime to get the money if i ever needed it. She denies ever saying that now. My gf and i are expecting a baby girl and just rented a new house i'm so in dedit now i can hardley make the payments let a lone all the other expenses i have now. She has no money and i see no hope of her ever paying it back. What a fool i was lending it to her. My gf knows nothing about the money. I'm so down depressed i feel like taking the easy way out. This isn't the first time i thought of killing myself...the only thing maybe from keeping me from doing it is my daughter..I should have learned my lesson about lending money to friends i have been ripped off before doing that......
Trust me, I'm your girl friend would rather have you in her and your daughters life broke than not there at all. Keep them in mind they are what matters. I was there once and it was the thought of my kids not having a daddy there for them that kept me from going through with it. I am so glad I didn't because I would have missed so much and would have missed the grandchildren that they have brought me. In fact I am expecting another grandchild any day. Hang in there, nothing, especially money is worth killing your self over. If you ever need to talk PLEASE feel free to talk to me.
