I have extreme anxiety about having anal sex. I've done it before, plenty, with my husband. He's the only person I've ever done anything with, and we first tried anal 9 years ago. The first time he brought it up for some reason I had NO problem trying it out, went in smooth, we both loved it, no problem. Over the next few months we tried it a few more times, and after about 3 months I guess we used some lube (we'd previously been using spit) and it slid in way too fast and the pain was excruciating. I didn't want to try it again for a while because I was just scared that would happen again. My husband (boyfriend at the time) loved anal and wanted to keep trying it, so we did try, but since that first time I've always been really scared every time. Over the years there have been times where we've done it where we've had no problem, and there have been times where it just wouldn't open up. I'm not really scared of it sliding in too fast like it did that one time because my husband is very gentle, but I don't know what it is I just have this crazy anxiety about it and I can NOT relax, it's almost like i'm having a panic attack and that causes it to tense up and not let anything go in, making it worse. I can't make myself just relax and let him in. The part that makes it worse is that I LOVE anal sex when I can relax and let it happen. I think it feels just as good if not better than vaginal, (that's hard to say because I LOVE sex so much) and for some reason it makes me feel SO connected to him afterwards. Most of the time after we do it I enjoy it so much I want to do it over and over again. And he loves it so much too. But now when he tries it's almost like a chore, I know it's not going to happen so he pokes around some, I'm all tensed up and it won't go in, and then he gets frustrated and gives up. It's really becoming an issue between us because he just doesn't understand. I know if I just really hated it he would leave it alone and we would be fine but that fact that he knows I love it when I let it happen makes it worse. We tried anal-eze for a while and that seemed to work at first but because it was so numbing it was like I lost control of my bowels and every time we would end up with a mess. I don't mind a little bit of mess every once in a while but this was a lot worse, so now that's got me not wanting to use the one thing that seemed to be working for us. If anyone has any advice it would be great because he is very frustrated about the fact that we now only do anal about once every 6 months.
For what it's worth, I kind of see it as "extra credit". If you actually get in the mood now and then, and love it, that's a lot more than most guys can count on. I can understand wanting to please your man, but don't let it turn into anxiety. The glass sounds half-full for sure. -BG
talk to him - I'm sure if all the tension is taken out of going anal and you both take time to make sure it's good, it will be as it used to be for both of you. Show him your post and share your concern with him, wish u sucess, Simon
Do the two of you play with your anus? fingers-dildos anything other than just trying to have anal sex ever so often? Maybe you need to just get used to the fingers and other objects so that you are very comfortable with them and then you will be loosend up enough that he can slide in a lot easier.
1st off a little wine helps loosen the inhibitions. Our technique is to massage her anus with some lube - just the outside - no insertion at this point. I admire her beautiful ass and tell her how I am looking forward to getting my dick inside her. I slowly push in and hold it inside for awhile, allowing her to make the moves she is comfortable with. No rough stuff at this point. Then I pull out and put a couple of well lubed fingers up inside to feel around for any "intruders". If there is any fecal matter it is easier to find it with my fingers than with the dick. At this point she will go to the bathroom for a clean out. This takes care of any worry about mess later on. Also fecal matter on the dick can be very irritating and detracts from the pleasure. Then we start over again with a bit of massaging and insertion but now we get down to more vigorous action. She pulls out her vibrator (a Wahl 2 speed ac model) and starts stimulating her clit. I know she is ready to cum when she tightens up inside and she asks me to stop moving. For some reason she can't cum when when I am thrusting. After her 1st orgasm she is more loosened up and I can thrust pretty hard. I love to pull out and admire her beautiful gaping asshole. She is usually good for at least one more orgasm and sometimes two more. I follow her desires because my desire is to please her. When she can't have another orgasm she lets me know and I ravish her gorgeous ass until I cum. I usually prefer the "porn star" cum where I pull out and cum on her asshole and then push inside for the last few drops. Well, that's how we do it anyway but your mileage may vary as they say. It sounds like you are having trust issues because it did not go well once or twice? You could try ordering Dr Jack Morin's book "Anal Pleasure and Anal Health". It deals with how to become comfortable with anal sex. We have been anal only for the past 15 years at least. She was never super turned on by vaginal sex but had never tried anal until we got together. When I noticed she didn't orgasm from vaginal we had a talk, purchased a vibrator and tried anal which was the key that unlocked the orgasm vault. As an added benefit she no longer gets urinary tract infections which she regularly got from vag sex. BTW, the position we have become most comfortable with is with her lying on her right side with her left knee drawn up. I kneel and straddle her right leg while she works her clit with the vibrator reaching over her left thigh. I hope this is helpful to you two.
I've learned that you need to start small and work your way up. Get a small, tapered toy and slowly work your ass open. Ramming a full sized cock in right away might be a li'l rough on the cinnamon ring, so start small and work your way up.
Try to relax....as far as I know, the more relaxed you are, the better the experience. The more nervous you are, the less pleasurable it'll be. If you said the lube made it worse, then try going back to what previously worked....spit.
A reply from a woman. I love anal sex. Sometimes it hurts and we quit. Sometimes I am really up for it and he can slam away. You have to be in the right place in your head. Sometimes it is great and sometimes there is pain. My guy understands as it seems that your husband understands also. Quit worrying and go with the flow. I also just love to feel the head of his dick just poking at the opening-teasing me-it helps me loosen up. Stop thinking about it and just enjoy the feelings of sex. Sounds like you got a real winner of a man.
Put a butt plug in and wear if for a while. Then proceed to some good foreplay, and have a good vibrator to use on your clit. When you feel ready, you will be the one to carefully remove the butt plug. Then have him slowly enter you. The plug needs to be close in size to him. Buy one that is tapered--it slowly flares to his size--this will make it easier for you to take him in. Also, when my husband wants it that way and I'm not in the mood, I do relax with a bit of alcohol. We use Pjur Eros Original lube.
