Life is crazy and so is marriage! I've been married for 9 months, but been with my husband for 6 years and everything was awesome until we got married. My best friend and her husband have been together for 10 years and married for 5, but they are way worse off than me and my husband. Would anyone else like to vent?
Well for me, after 2 months I guess I got cold feet and wanted to be single, but things have gotten a little better since then, but I did hurt him. Also my best friends husband is just always playing video games, its like it consumes his life and he pays her no attention, the poor girl.
Marrige is a promise that you trust someone SO much that..... you need to be legally bound to them? What happened to the trust? I understand there are other emotional and money related issues.... But that one part always struck me as silly.
What do you mean you got cold feet and wanted to be single? You'd been with the guy for 6 years, no? A piece of paper isn't going to change the fact that you're not commitment minded from what you're saying!
Marriage is prefered by society as a whole. A sense of belonging and commitment. But if you are not married, you bf/gf/whoever still has the right to say "I'm leaving" and....leave. In marriage, it's no where near that easy. So if you just live together there is the constant desire to stay together. The committment is emotional, not legal or social.
It is exactly as easy to say, "I'm leaving" and leave, after marriage as it is before marriage... If you've been living with someone for 6 years (its anywhere from 6 months to 3 years depending on where you are) you ARE married for all intents and purposes regarding ending it. As for the OP's "I got married and then got cold feet and wanted to be single"... grow up... I do mean that seriously as a suggestion, and not just as a slam... If getting married triggered these thoughts and feelings in you, you didn't have a good relationship before your marriage and you are likely not have a good one now. Marriage doesn't fix problems, nor does it cause problems... It DOES however, make it much harder for people to lie to themselves by saying "Well, things will be better when we are married". I've always found it amazing the numbers of people who think that the problems that have them considering ending their relationship, are the same reasons they should use to justify getting married. You get married because you love the person you are with, consider them your best freind and want to spend the rest of your life with them... If those things arent true, then you shouldn't be getting married. If those things aren't true, and you are already married... Well... brace yourself, cause things are likely going to get worse.
op...go out and get laid with another dude..that usually drives wives back to the loyal loafer real quick
I am quoting the entire post because, as strange as it may seem, I actually agree 100% with everything Tom said.
Growing up? What is that, giving up, putting on weight, spending forever and ever sitting on the couch watching TV barely socialising, never really trying The real reasons people get married they never say out loud. "I better hurry up and latch on to this guy before I get too fat and ugly", "Fuck it, i'll marry this chic cos I suck at picking up and I'm sick of the dry spells" Then spend forever and ever wondering what life would have been like if you'd marry this person, that person. Closing your eyes and imagining the check out chick at the grocery store or the gardener at the golf course as you are bumping uglies with your partner. If all that stuff everyone craps on about where actually true; if you actually did trust each other, then you all wouldnt get so friggin jealous. If was actually about communication we wouldnt need marriage counsellors. If you were all actually happy you all wouldnt get so bitchy at those of us didnt choose that path. The truth is most girls play it too safe, marry a guy easily managed, unlikely to cheat, give up trying, put on weight, get a couple years in then wonder why they've turned into a boring frustrated housewife. The guys marry mainly for sex, put in a couple years of not really making an effort, then wonder why the wife doesnt want to them to touch them anymore
No, that meant if the act of formally acknowledging her relationship with her partner, made her want to be single, then she didn't have a good relationship beforehand, and blaming it on marriage as if it was somehow supposed to magically fix it is childish and immature. I wish I could argue with you that this is not what most people do... But you are right, it is what most people do... and it is the reason most people have really fucked up lives... However, it is not the reason all people marry, and what you described is not the end result of all marriages... just the fucked up ones that are based on dishonesty and superficiality. edited to add; Oh, and as for the marriage counselor part... That depends on how you look at it... Everyone needs something to do... if they can find people that are silly enough to pay them to help them get past the fact that they don't like the person they married... all the power to them.... lol
