Social Blunder

I had a really awkward social situation happen today.

I have a friend who has recently been put on antidepressants. She had stated that she was not going to be drinking beer anymore because of being on them. She stated that she was going to start to buy dealcoholized beer instead.

I bought some because I knew she was coming over and offered her one. She had the strangest look on her face. Rather like confusion. I quickly stated that I had her regular beer if she would rather have it.

She had two of the dealcoholized beers and one of the regulars.

I think I goofed by buying it.

 

It was very thoughtful of you to think of her and get the non-alcoholic brew for her. I don't think you goofed at all. She may not have been ready to abstain from alcohol, but at least you gave her an option.

I was on antidepressants in my early 20s and got drunk once while on them. It was really bad; I had a blackout and had to rely on other people's accounts of what I did that night. That was awkward. I wouldn't recommend anyone to drink while on those types of medications.

 

I think you were being a good host by having it on hand, the only thing I might have done different, if I understand what happened, was given her the choice up front. Letting her know you were offering the choice because of her statement about making the change.

Of course I don't have many visitors so I might just be talking out my backside

 

I don't see what exactly was the problem Heat. Did you find it awkward because of offering her a "real" beer, or was it awkward because you had bought a case of the near beer?

 

I think she may have been surprised or shocked. I did not approach it with her after it happened as I did not want her to think I was judging that should she not drink. Nor did I want to have her feel that she had to talk about her depression or medications.

I think I should of taken both from the fridge at the same time instead. As you mentioned slappyman. It might have made it easier to chose which one she would rather have had.

It was a really uncomfortable feeling.

I feel like I should call her tomorrow and apologize.

 

She drinks Blue, so I had both. I felt awkward as it was as if I put her in a position that was. Not with the intention of doing so.

 

It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong Heat but instead was a good friend. From what she told you she wanted to abstain from alcohol and so you accomodated her.

 

^^This^^

Frankly I'd be inclined to have questions about the friend- having made a point to swear off alcohol then react so oddly at your thoughtfulness in furnishing an alternative. It suggests to me that at very least, some willpower issues.

To some people, intending to make a change is ethically equivalent to actually doing it... at least as long as they can convince everyone around them... and consequently themselves perhaps, that they are making good on a resolution for self-improvement.

Then again slappy and I may share a method of ventriloquism.

 

social blunder is my middle name

 

Oh lordy, do you apologize then?


Stinkfoot you may be right in that she has not given up alcohol and then felt uncomfortable saying so after having stated she was going to. She was never a drinker, a few beers is pretty well it.

I am not sure as it is not a subject I would approach as it is her choice to make.

 

Heather, I only see it as you being a considerate and empathetic friend, and you only did it based on info she told you. I'm sure it's fine.

 

All expressions of kindness are maximal.

To suggest in any way that you are responsible for the choices of another is to forfeit your own.

We are responsible only to the measure of our own breath and this is so in every instance.

 

Thanks for the input everyone, it is appreciated.

I feel if I call and say anything about it, it may make it more uncomfortable for her.

I do not want her to feel I need her to explain anything to me.

I am probably best to let it go and instead next time she is here just tell her to help herself rather than serve her. That way she can make the choice that she wishes to.

 

What lunar said...

I have a coworker who is a serial cigarette-quitter... that is every few months- two or three times a year he vows to quit... one time it was for his kids- the self promotional means by which he professes loyalty to them is repeatedly belied by his actions and words at other times. He is a bullshitter- not an artist though... he lacks the mental skill of a virtuoso BS artist that would enable him to spin believable crap- the only thing he has going for him is that he believes the tripe that comes out of his own mouth which qualifies him to be member of an exclusive club- its membership total- one.

Having said that I do believe that- despite insisting that I believe that he rode a motorcycle 200mph, his father drives a limo and got to meet Terrell Owens, Mike Tyson, and countless others, Randy Johnson threw a pitch 109mph, and before they hit it big, Metallica played at his 18th birthday party (1986). The problem with that is that they were on tour with Anthrax... and while I have no doubt that he received a concert ticket as a birthday gift... I do not for a second believe his wild tale of having them entertain the coming-of-age party whose guest of honor was to shortly embark on a decade ling meth binge... if I'm to believe him... seriously, if this character told me what my name is I'd have to check my own ID just to make sure he's right.

The thing is that he likes to hear himself talk- he may be a man of few words, but he sure uses them a lot. If he actually did quit that would give him less to talk about.

In all fairness Heat, I have no way of knowing what your friend is like but the story as you related it struck a few nerves concerning some of the characters I've had to deal with- mostly out of necessity... my sense is that your friend might be experiencing some side effects from the medication she has begun to take because otherwise she just comes across as being completely unreasonable.

 

apologize for being me?..fuck no

also I have a friend like stinkfoot described...but dude is right there (or on his way) when I need his help every single time so I put up with his bullshit storiesas part of the friendship deal

 

That is some wild tales. No wonder you would check your ID!

Maybe the medications are in play in that normally she would of reacted differently. We have been friends for years and it is in the last 6 months or so that she has really slid into a depression. She is, for lack of a better word "moody". She never was before.

Possibly the meds are having a numbing effect on her. Normally she would of just bugged me or teased about it or anything else but this time she was not herself. She reacted differently.

I think I will have to put this down as experience and let it go.

 

No need to apologize or feel awkward. I would've done the same, but I wouldn't have felt awkward, and I probably would've told her exactly why I bought them, but I don't exactly reserve tact for friends, especially those close enough to visit my house. Hell, at work I give everybody shit, the girl who was allergic to gluten, I nitpicked at every little thing she ate because she had used the "I ate gluten, I have to go home" excuse one too many times. The girls who were serial smoking quitters as stinkfoot described also got scrutiny from me when they were "on the last one, I swear." I don't know, it may seem overbearing of me, but I'm usually the one who gets to hear all the whining when they screw up and do something they aren't supposed to. I just save it by telling them how it is right off the bat. I'm not saying you handled the situation wrong at all, I just wouldn't let it make me feel awkward or like I needed to apologize. You did nothing wrong, no need to apologize.

 

Heat, my uneducated guess is that your friend just hadn't come to terms with the idea of having beer without alcohol in it. It really doesn't taste very good. I wasn't there, so it's hard to say if she was balking at the offer, or at the substance, but chances are she just hadn't expected you to be as thoughtful as you were and have it on hand immediately. She probably mentioned non-alcoholic beer in a strictly hypothetical way without thinking she's ever have to try it lol

 

I also believe you were quite the nice hostess, with no reason to feel bad on your part for having multiple choices of brew!.....;-)

 

I know from your posts that you are an empathetic, considerate person. But I'm thinking that maybe it would have been better to not have had a regular beer for her to have. It may be better to have some juice on hand and let her work out what she is going to do about using beer,alcoholic or otherwise. To state the obvious,it sounds like her meds are changing her personality.