My friend

has fallen into a big rut and seems to be lost when it comes to life lately. He started dating one of my best friends and kept pushing her away constantly until she just said enough. It all came down to being afraid of and accepting love. During there final breakup, she called him drunk one night and left a crazy message and stated that she loved him. Every since then, shit had been going down hill. After some time apart, she met someone else who she is happily dating at the moment and has fallen in love with, meaning her feelings for my friend are gone. Of course now he starts to realize that he really was in love and still is with her and now can't get her back and it's eating his insides. Shes constantly on his mind and has even called others girls by her name (yes even on dates and during sex once). He just doesn't know how to handle his emotions well and decides to drink them away even though he just ends up feeling worse.

On top of that, his parents are recently in the process of getting divorced and he's afraid of his suicidal mother being left alone. She's quite dependent on him which is probably the main reason he hasn't packed up and left yet. I just think for his age he has a bit too much on his plate and shouldn't have to being through a big chunk of it...well neither should anyway. I've been there for him a lot for the past month and Idk what else to really do besides be there for him. He left the bar and just knocked on my balcony door to give me a hug and to tell me that I'm the only reason he hasn't killed himself yet. That scares me a lot and idk what I'd do if he ever did. He's clearly inherited some of the depression issues from his mother. I've suggested we figure out a new way for him to deal with his emotions, even if it's through a daily yoga or meditation routine, jogging, anything. I just want him to be happy.

ugh

 

i'd say you just gotta keep being there, what else can you do?

he'll prolly come around as a real good guy and a friend to have later on, because as you said it, he has a lot goin on. if you are close enough with him and he mentions suicide again, just try to reassure him that that would be a foolish thing to do and that you have faith in him whatnot. therapy wouldn't be horrible to suggest, if you have any personal experience with it. sometimes it does help to just let it out - if he goes to a university, campus counselors are usually available and you can seriously just go for one or two times to talk shit out. (i had to for my court shit, and it turned out to be kind of helpful just in general life complications.)

it sounds like he just is kind of cracking, but he'll get over the girl eventually as well as his situation with the parents. just needs time and friends to support him.

 

That's shitty. Has he ever been/seemed suicidal before, or has he just started feeling that way since he broke up with the girl and his parents are going through a divorce? I know how he feels, in regards to losing the girl he loves. The only thing that will help him get past that is time and trying to find something to occupy his mind in the mean time. He'll get past it though, if he lets himself.

As far as his parents getting divorced, I know how that feels too. My parents divorced when I was about six years old, then remarried eachother and divorced again by the time I was 10. It was rough, but I'm sure it's worse for him since he's dealing with his own heartache, as well. Does he have any siblings?

How serious do you think he was when he said you're the only reason he hasn't killed himself? Has he said anything else like that? I'd suggest getting someone else involved, like a professional, or at least letting someone in his family know how difficult of a time he's having, if you think it's that serious. You can't really be too careful in situations like that. Aside from that, just continue to be there for him, however you can be.

 

I have gone through bad times, and i have helped a lot of my friends through bad times. What always helped me was someone taking me out of my situation. My best friend used to call me and tell me what we were going to do that day, wether i wanted to or not. I hated him at first for it, but it helped me think about shit other than all the fucked up stuff.

I don't know what your relationship is like with him but it sounds like you are very close, just show up at his house at get him doing stuff, or call him and tell him to come over, make him do shit, even if he hates you at first it will help him to forget about all the other shit, if only for awhile.

And not to sound like a dick but maybe he said what he said about killing himself cause he is bad at expressing his feelings. Maybe he was drunk and didn't know how to say what he wanted to say like- "thank you for being there for me and being a great friend when i needed one" .. Could he have just been expressing his gratitude for your friendship in a horrible drunk way?

 

He's always had his issues but this is the worst I've seen him and it's actually brought us closer together. He repeats that he hates himself but I truly believe he's just afraid of himself. He can be a happy go lucky, goofy kid on the outside but in the inside he's just a mess.

Luckily, all of our closest friends live right next door to him and they know he's going through a rough time and he's broken down to two of them. Im just not sure how often he talks to them about it. I let him ext me everyday when he has something on his mind just to get it out. I think I'm going to let at least one of them know right now how bad it is.

As for siblings, he hasn't talked to his half sister in over ten years. She's had her fair share of problems and has fucked up a little. His brother I think he talks to often but he has his career going in the South I believe. The only way of me getting in contact with his mother is through my best friend. She said if he ever got really bad she'd call her.

He can push me if he wants or knock shit over but I'll never give up. Maybe he thinks it will but I can't give up on the kid or anybody.

 

sucks

 

I've known him for two years now and consider him one of my closest friends. We give each other shit all the time but it's a brother and sister type of relationship.

I definitely agree with your second statement, which is why I've been trying to make him see the positive side of things. I hope he can break down and tell me absolutely everything when he's actually sober. I feel like he only seems to do that when he's drunk and ends up punching object and whatnot because he can't release his feelings in a normal way.

Thanks Purp and everyone

 

I've always been the same way. I can seem all happy and calm on the surface, but my mind is always going crazy, unless I'm fortunate enough to be intoxicated. lol

It sounds like you're doing exactly what you need to be doing by just being there for him, but yeah....I'd definitely suggest getting in touch with his mom or something. It's too bad he's not closer to his siblings though, because that can be a huge help when parents are divorcing.

He's lucky to have a friend like you, Meli. We should all have friends who care so much

 

We've all been there to some extent so relating can come easily. Life is fucked up but a journey worth living though

 

this shit hit kind of hits way too close at home, your friends situation. In the past year I had a breakup with a girl i'd been really close to for a few years. That was similar in the fact that she was crazy about me, but also had some bad and somewhat immuture character traits or whatever you want to call it, and this caused me to constantly push her away. So of course, we end up breaking up, she finds some swell guy who shes honestly perfect for, and it left me feeling regretful and lonely as hell for a while. And of course there were some rough times afterwords especially when drinking was involved. The whole parents getting divorced thing I know sucks too, its just one more division and yeah sucks.

Over the past year or so i've worked through it all slowly, met new friends, drifted away form some too. People build a shit ton of my self worth, which can be good or bad, distraction, or bring pure happiness. He just needs to put himself out there. I'm as shy as anyone which is why feeling lonely can get 100 times worse. But I choose to never let all that shit stop me from doing something even if it scares me.

Idk hope that helps. Old friends should pretty much always be kept and your doing a good thing by helping him. Meeting new friends and being preoccupied helps you get over some shit a whole lot easier because it shows you can still be liked by people even in your current condition.

 

probably notmuch help but im in basically the same situation.i was withmy girl forclose to 9 years.i bought her the house she wanted in the town she wanted to be in,but her a new car whenever she wanted something different.i know i wasnt the best boyfriend due to my issues but i treated her like gold.anything she wanted she got.

she decided to leave.fucked my whole world up.fell into a deep depression.when she left allmy friends and my family walked out as well.i had no one to go to.met some new people that only fucked my life up even more.i lost my house,sold all but 1 of my trucks for shit money just to eat.

my parents have been together since i was 5 years old.im now 32.my mom has serious mental issues and now they are constantly fighting every day.ive stopped talking to them cuz its only makin me worse.

i wish my good friends didnt walk out on me.probably wouldnt have gotten this bad.try tokeep him from punchin shit though.i made that mistake and punched a concrete wall.fracture my wrist,fractured hand and 2 dislocated fingers.now my hand is junk.

aftermy girl left i started smokin weed and sometimes i think i shouldnt have.am considering quitting for a while till things turn around

im not full of advise unfortunately

 

You're in a tough boat because other than being supportive there isn't much you can do. Only he can help himself, and sometimes you just have to watch people suffer.

From the outside looking in, the issues seem somewhat trivial. An adult's parents are divorcing. He broke up with a girl. If he was in a normal headspace, this wouldn't be the end of world.

It seems more like he's reacting to depression; encourage him to be treated for it, if you can.

 

Things like that affect people in many different ways. My fiance and I broke up a few months ago and my life hasn't been the same since. You'd be surprised how big of an affect something like this can have on someone, if you've never been in love. There's nothing trivial about it.

 

...I don't mean trivial as in not a big deal, only that a it won't send an otherwise mentally healthy person on a huge downward spiral.

As for your parents divorcing... Sure it sucks, but you're a grown man at 22. Sometimes people just need to act like it.

 

No matter how old you are when something traumatic happens, traumatic shit is gonna be traumatic, no matter what.

 

...you're setting the bar pretty low for "traumatic events".

If you're 6 - your whole world has changed. Your home life, your definition of family, your role models, etc. You don't have developed emotionally enough to deal with these kind of issues.

If you're 22 - you aren't living at home, you aren't being provided for by your parents, you aren't dependent on them. Sure it sucks, but if your whole life won't be thrown into turmoil.

If you can't see a difference between these two things in regards to how traumatic they are, well, I disagree pretty heartily.

 

You think parents getting divorced doesn't disrupt a person's life when they're 22 years old? lol That's bullshit. Your parents getting divorced is gonna be traumatic, no matter what age you are. If you don't know that, then you are either an emotionless bitch or you just haven't experienced any negativity in you life.

 

Personal insults? Smooth action.

But let's be for realz here. Healthy, well-adjusted adults don't fall into vicious spirals of depression because their parents divorce. If they do, there is some other underlying problem to begin with (most likely preexisting mental illness).

 

The fact is....people can't help if they're "healthy, well-adjusted adults". We all have our problems, and if you look down on someone for allowing their parents' divorce to fuck with them, emotionally, the you are a cold-hearted, emotionless bitch, and I don't give a fuck what you have to say.

 

When did I say I looked down on them. I said that the problem isn't that their parents are divorcing but that they are suffering from depression (which needs to be treated).

In your case though, I'm sure it is a big deal. 27, unemployed, living with your parents, hooked on painkillers - I guess that would rock your world.