I lost my father in November. For the first month after his death, I felt ok...not good by any means, but not so depressed that I couldn't function. Well, since the new year, I have lost all motivation to do anything. I've gotta find a job, clean my new apartment, finish all of the paperwork from his death, etc. and I can't find the motivation to do any of it! My friends have suggested counseling. I've been to counselors and therapists in the past and they've been no help with the things I was dealing with. And after looking through some of the books on loss, I don't think I can stand reading those either. Does anyone have any ideas as to what I should do to help cope with this loss? I feel like I'm slowly losing my mind over it and I'm on edge all the time.
two words: shit happens. I've been dealing with loss, this is just what has been resonating with me mostly.
that is really the only thing to do. going to a counselor is not going to do anything but talk about it, thus sugarcoating, which people love to do but that is not effective... i am not saying do not talk about it, just suggesting you do not waste your money... most of them cannot relate just shake their noggins. all dies, and it was to come one day.. making yourself upset over it will not do anything but make you upset, which could lead to plenty of physical and mental problems. he has made an influence on your life? be glad for that, that is all us humans really strive for the end anyway.
Be thankful that you had a chance to know your father. A good friend of mine passed away last year and left two daughters behind at the ages of 4 and 7. It has been very hard for them since. I suggest you finish the paper work and force yourself to move on. Life is not fare and some people do get shit end luck. You have to force yourself to stand up, walk out that door, and do what you gotta do. I didn't know your father but I doubt he would want you to feel and act how you are currently. The older we get the more death we have to deal with. That is a reality, and yes, it really sucks sometimes. What can you do though? You might as well live it to the fullest.
That your father died, is surely not the most significant part of your relationship with him. We experience a sense of loss when we are actively denying the existence of one we love. Perhaps you could see that your relationship with your father is still intact, being one of shared thoughts. Minds join, bodies only touch. Our emotional state is tied to our mental focus.
Thanks everyone. Everything you all are saying is true...I do have to force myself through this, all the while not bottling up my emotions (which I'm so good at doing) but hopefully I'll snap out of this spell soon...it's very unlike me to lose motivation in a time of depression, I usually overwork or overdo things.
Time is a healer... This kid i grew up with in highschool lost his dad to cancer our senior year. He was fine with the loss for the first few weeks, but then the next 4/5 months he was very very silent. Reality had sunk in. I guess he needed time to think about life.. Anyways he is doing great now and has a bright future ahead, but it was hard at first. You'll be ok. :lurk5:
Oh, honey, it takes time. It takes a lot of time. The only thing you can do is just try to go through the motions of life until they start coming back naturally. There is sunshine at the end of your tunnel, but it's one you have to ride out until you come to terms with everything. I can't help you find the actual motivation to go out and do the things you need to, but actually doing them might help you immensely. It's good to stay busy and occupy your mind. I'm sorry for your loss, death is a very hard thing to come to terms with and I know when I do lose my dad, my world's going to shatter for a little while.
I understand what you are going through. I have been coping with a loss lately as well. I've been very depressed and unmotivated through it all. This has lasted about 5 months for me... It's the first time I've ever experienced something so exhausting. I have seen a counselor, which helped to some degree, but I don't feel like it will solve the problem. I am considering anti-depressants, but that's not something I've ever been a big fan of. The only thing I have learned that has helped me get through my days is to keep moving, even when I don't feel like it. Exercising is probably the most beneficial. Working out really seems to help, so I recommend joining a gym. The conclusion I've come to is that time really is the only thing that will heal... it will get better, I just can't tell you when. I pray that you find peace and acceptance. God bless you!
