AKA; The apology of Socrates The Charge; Back in ancient Greece some guy named Socrates went around town pondering things, and ended up being charged with blaspheming the local gods and corrupting the local youth. The Trail; Forced to defend himself, he addressed a crowd of Greeks in what was, at the time, the largest trial in human history. The Defense; "A while back" he began "I realized that-unlike other people-I'm wise enough to know that I don't know shit. I proceeded to tell others that they don't know shit either - and by doing so, I gained some followers, and a lot of enemies. And here I am now - on trial because I pissed off some powerful people - including some psycho named Meletus, who has the audacity to accuse me of both atheism and a belief in non-sanctioned gods. What people don't realize is that without people like me constantly agitating other people, the state of Greece would be as lazy as a pot smoker who just won the lottery." The Verdict; But after hearing Socrates little speech, the jury found him guilty by majority vote and asked him what he thought he deserved as punishment. "How about you kiss my Greek ass" was his first reply, followed by a more serious, "I don't know, how about some sort of fine". The jury however, had another idea in mind and sentenced him to death, to which Socrates replied "So what, for all I know death might be better than life." Socrates on Death; After a few days on death row, he spent his finial hours with some friends, and remarked to them that "Like any true philosopher - I look forward to death, for now my immortal soul will be free from my mortal body and it's needs. How do I know my soul is immortal? Well, everything comes from it's opposite - and thus, if the living die, than the dead live. Plus, since we know everything before we are born and than spend our lives remembering some of it, we must have existed before we were born. And the soul is invisible, and all invisible things are also immortal". "But" countered one of his friends "You've always told us that you don't know shit, and now you're telling us that you know so much shit that you even know the shit that happens after you die!". "Never mind that" replied Socrates.... And after feeding them some more bull and taking a bath, he said his last goodbyes and ate some poisonous mushrooms and died. His soul, however, didn't care much for his logic, and decided to just commit suicide after his body's death. THE END This parody is not my own creation, but the work of someone else.......who that someone is, I'm not sure. I just wrote it to the best of my recollection.
I knew he corrupted youth and was sentenced to death... Now I kind of want to read an interesting retelling of it
