Hello, I've just turned 14 years old, and I'm bisexual. Emotionally 100% straight, and sexually with a slight preference to males. I've been thinking about coming out to a friend of mine (a girl BTW) whom I've known for about 10 years or so. I would like to come out to her because she might think I'm gay, and of course the urge to just come out to someone. What should I do? P.S. Any coming out stories would be nice, too.
The urge is not ALWAYS the path you want to follow. Urges will be always with you but it will be always up to you to control them. You are 14. And I guess, the girl you want to come out to might be in your age group, too. Admittedly, the Netherlands is a liberal country, and all may go well on the outside, that is... Yet, when you come to think about it, you are going thru an accelerated growth phase. For the time being, you feel emotionally attracted to girls, sexually to guys. "For the time being" really means that this may and probably will change. How many times do you want to spill out your story and change it later on? So, what do you do? You just keep on living your life. Try to be responsible about it and do as much for the others and for yourself as you can while talking about it as little as you can. People get soon bored with a predictable guy who is everybody's "open book". The world is very indifferent to our individual quests. A few people may find the story amusing or even useful for their present manipulations. The rest will just shrug with their shoulders and remember it as something that may be used against you and for their own benefit, should an opportunity arise. On the balance of things, little, precious little to be gained at this stage and quite something to be lost. Why would you wanna do this? KD
Thanks for your reply, it's very useful. I guess I should just keep it a secret for now. But I'm someone who really doesn't like lying. And I think it might be hard for me to tell her that I'm just straight, I think I might just half-accidentally spill the beans.
Don't lie. I have no idea what the previous poster is talking about because people rarely stop being gay. Some people may get bored of you for being yourself but at least you'll know who your -real- friends are
KewlDewd offers you some very sensible insight and thoughts. You don't have to lie about anything...you simply don't need to claim to be something. You can desribe youself as having the feelings you currently have and tell people that you are exploring those feelings. It's different from saying this is how I am.
There is really no need to lie about anything. Equally so, no one has got any right to pry into your intimate life either. Why would your sexual interest in other males really be of any interest to her? So, you just lean back, enjoy your life and try all the things that you want to try. Once you are really sure of anything and once you figure out the consequences of your coming out, you'll feel comfortable with doing so, too KD
It might not be a question of whether or not to lie. In your situation I can not fully say what I would have done, because even if you do not realize it at the moment, there is a lot going on in terms of who you are psychologically, physically, sexually ect. I can honestly say that I have only met a handful of people that were sure they were gay at 14, and I have not met anyone ever who was sure they were bisexual at 14 (and stayed that way). If you know, then you know I suppose, but all things considered, I would not really suggest coming out as bisexual just yet. Just because a lot can change that you think never will, including but not limited to... the sexual desires of a 14 year old male (I am assuming) You say yourself that you are emotionally 100% straight. At least for the time being. This tells me that 1. You are Bi-curious, rather then bisexual (at least this is what a lot of people in the LGBTQ community would call you). Because by "emotionally 100% straight" you are basically saying that you would not be in a relationship with someone of the same sex, or be emotionally attached or invested in someone of the same sex. And 2. That full on coming out perhaps is not the best thing for you right now, because there might not really be anything to come out about, which could cause complications down the road when/if you decide you are straight. Think of it this way. You have only been alive for 14 years, and realistically that is not a lot of time, especially when you probably have not be thinking about this for any more then 2 years probably. I thought about it for 7 years, until I was sure. In that time I went through high school, had girlfriends, and did the normal stuff. I believe this was a better route then the option you are considering, because I was able to do the "normal" stuff (make friends, have fun, sleep with women), and it solidified my knowledge. I started out high school having some homosexual urges, but mostly forgot about them early on, so by the time I was ready to maturely deal with my sexuality I already had a place to start. I knew without any doubt that I was attracted to women and enjoyed having sex with them. The new task was to see if the same was true for men. A task I do not believe I would have been as successful contemplating at your age. Personally, I still have not told my family. I dont have a reason to. My life is my life, if I decide to date a guy I will tell them. Until then I dont see the need. It is not like they are going to do anything haha. Good friends know it about me, and if people ask I dont have quarrels telling them. Ultimately do what you feel you should. But be conscious that the future is unknown, and that you have all your life to have sex with men and women. Why confine and define yourself at such a young age?
