From a forward my Grandad sent me : Good Answer #1 > >A flight attendant was standing at the departure gate checking tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub." > > Good answer #2 > >A woman was picking through the frozen turkeys at the supermarket, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a young male shelf packer, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The young fella replied, "No missus, they're dead." > > > Good answer #3 > >The policeman got out of his car and the Boy Racer who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," said the constable. Boy Racer replied, "Well I got here as fast as I could." When the Policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the lad on his way without a ticket. > > > Good answer #4 > >A lorry driver was driving along a Motorway. A sign comes up that reads "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, eh?" The lorry driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol." > > > Good answer #5 > A crowded BMI flight was cancelled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced passengers. Suddenly an angry traveller pushes his way to the desk. He slaps his ticket down on the counter and says, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be "FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please," she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal? "We have a passenger here at "Gate 14" who does not know who he is. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to "Gate 14." With the people behind him in the queue laughing hysterically, the man glares at the BMI agent, grits his teeth and swore, "F*** you!" Without flinching, she smiles and says, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in the queue for that, too." > > > Good answer #6 - THE TEACHER > >A Technical College teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now ladies and gents, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" > >A smart Alex in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and tittering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sweetly at the student, shakes her head, and sympathetically says, "Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam with your other hand." > > > > >
I think my Grandad is the only 80 year old who swears like ozzy osbourne & has tattoos lol he acts like hes 21 lol
