Hey Guys! I'm a 23 year old guy. I have a question about crushes, i.e. the early phase of dating, before you know for sure whether or how much the other side likes you back. For some reason, whenever I have a crush, I get sad. This is completely independent of how the "object of desire" feels about me. For example, I just asked this cute girl out (I'm not unexperienced but I don't do that often) and I only got positive signals from her - we're having dinner tomorrow. Yet, I'm sitting here and instead of looking forward to tomorrow, I feel this deep inner sadness. And this always happens, no matter whether the crush is one-sided or not. Oh, and I also always behave weirdly when I have a crush like this. That is probably, why I've never had a relationship with a girl that I had a strong crush on before coming closer. I had my last girlfriend because we had a one-night stand and then got close - if I would have had a chance to slowly get to know her, have a crush and then date her, I'm quite sure that we would not have become a couple. I'm suspecting this has something to do with my hormones (i.e. a drop of endorphines/dopamine), but is it normal that this makes me so sad? Or is it, because I've been hurt in the past when my crushes were either one-sided or somehow unsuccessful and in anticipation of that, I'm already sad? What does this reaction tell about me? Do you guys (and Gals) have that too? I find this a very curious symptom, since having a crush should be fun (shouldn't it?). Best, Anonymous.
A common sign of narcissism. It could go back to your first encounter, I feel you bro. You should stop being a downer though and start picking up your pace.
Thanks for your answer man! That is so interesting - can you explain how that sadness is caused by narcissism? I think I am a little bit of a narcissist, but I don't intuitively see how that would be connected to being sad when having a crush on somebody. And I should pick up the pace of doing what?
is it self-confidence issues you worry about? i think expectations can ruin a person, and that very well may be taking a role in this in one way or another
Fear of happiness is not uncommon - you need to work on your self worth - think about all your good points how you can and will enhance this ladies life if you were a suitable partner this wil make you smile and put a spring in your step! Have a wonderful eve and remember friendship comes first :love:
No, it's really just the plain sadness that I'm surprised about. I'm rather self-confident. But yeah, I think expectations are a big part of the problem. I used to either picturing me and the girl together as a happy couple or me being dumped. I just had the first date a few hours ago, and I'm realizing that I'm having a much more mature attitude about.. that is, I will just see what happens and make the best out of it. Feels much better! Hmm yeah, but I wasn't afraid, just sad. It was actually easy for me to ask her out, almost casual - for me that means I'm not afraid. But I love your advice about thinking how I would make her life better. Beautiful thought . Well my first crush+relationship was harsh on me and left me with some baggage that I've been starting to lose lately as I've become more self-confident and as I realized that I'm not unpopular with girls. I'm thinking, that I should probably just date more, to get used to it and not make it something that is such a big deal that I start acting weird (which, luckily, I haven't done so far in this case ) Talking about it with you guys and getting your thoughts definately helps. Thanks . Are you all in a happy relationship?
Well it could all go back to self respect and your first encounters. You may be too confident, it can go both ways with women, it could be a lot of things bro.
I´ve only read the OP but I can relate. I used to feel that way, and I eventually realized it had to do with dating for me. Dating is just about the most depressing shit I can think of. Well, not really --- marriage is. And, worse, one leads to another. So now, I don´t date. That sad feeling, and all the forebodings about meeting a girl are gone. Do you want to date this girl or have sex with her? Be honest (to her, not to me).
Maybe you're sad because you don't really want the relationship. You just enjoy the thrill of the chase and once you get the girl, you don't have that anymore. Mission accomplished=thrill gone. Just a thought. Been there a few times myself.
it could be a conditioned response of sorts; maybe a crush in the past didn't work out very well so you're automatically conditioned to respond with a negative emotion? I understand where you're coming from. Thats never happened to me with a crush, but the first time I fell in love I felt really sad when I realized I was falling in love. I think that had to do with the pure emotional rawness I felt during that time, and that could be the case with you too.
