Confused situation...about my friend...

Hello there,

for the last couple of months i have been involved in a very confusing, and at times frustrating situation with a friend at work.

So it starts out that this guy, Alex commences work at my employment. Things go well, we begin talking and sharing jokes within 20minutes of first meeting each other. I sense an instant connection and attraction. As we continually work together we learn more of each other, including that Alex has a girlfriend. However I began to notice how he acts, his posture and how he talks...like a "stereotypical gay". Eventually, 2 weeks later we sleep together, with Alex instigating the night with a text, "Wanna get drunk?". The night eventuates with Alex and I sleeping together... with our shirts off. No sexy time, but just cuddling, spooning and holding hands. Yes i admit, there was alcohol involved. That night he "confesses" that he had the hots for me, and has had the hots for other guys as well as confessing he was bi-sexual. Now from what I've noticed, when people (not all) get drunk, they seem to open up, and as the saying goes "drunk words speak sobers thoughts" . Right, two weeks later we go out for lunch, and says he is straight as a whistle. Ever since this bomb had been dropped, work has been a toil of confusion, as he continually flirts with me, as well as softly punching me in the ass. A couple of weeks after the bomb, a few of us from work go to a mates birthday drinks and Alex ends up sitting on my lap. Now a couple weeks from there, on my birthday drinks, all the guys decided to walk/sit around in their underwear. I had my arm around him and my hand on his leg and he didn't flinch. Now on top of this, news eventually filters down to me that his girlfriends parents are devout Christians or something like that. Now the other day we were working, and i was making coffee. Now as a new ploy, i had decided i wasn't going to try and turn him/ or wait till he decides or discovers who he is so i ignored him, saving me from any mind trickery. However, he continually attempted to grab my attention by banging teaspoons on the bar edge, but i ignored. Everyone knows I am gay at work, and that Alex and I had slept together, but quite honestly i have decided i am not playing the waiting game and i am going to move on and find someone else.

I need a second pair of eyes (so to speak) on this situation, rather than my mind playing tricks on me.

Any opinions or suggestions would be appreciated

 

you got it figured out...wait till he grows up and figures out who he is or just move on...maybe tell him just that in a nice, quiet, sober situation so he can't "play drunk"

good luck and at least you had the fun of snuggling with the poor little dope

 

Chalk if off to the growing pains.

#1 Having an affair with someone you work with requires absolute discretion. If you are getting married shortly, spread the word.

#2 The sooner you move on to stable people the better it is. If a dude needs liquid courage to hit the sack, he may be worth an ONS and nothing more.

KD

 

you don't say what ages you both are, but from what you say he is just in da closet - maybe bi, maybe gay; sounds like you haven;t known him so long if he recently started working with you, but has he had any gfs?

And if his family are religious then he may also be scared to come out.

What amazes me is that both of you slept together, spooning when you were a bit pissed and nothing happened - and if it is common knowledge at work that you are gay - and he knows this too............ then how come he is prepared to sleep with you.

Give him an ultimatum - any relationship has to work for both people in it, not just one; I'm just about to tell that to my own bf.

Simon :sunny:

 

I say move on if he dose not know what he wants. He could be bi/straight/or gay. But in the mean time I agree with Simon give him the ultimatum and see what happens. If he really wants a relationship then he will respect what you want and it not he either won't or may not respect what you want. Either way do what you think is best for you. Good Luck!!

 

i would not go on waiting and hoping on a guy who hasn't figured himself out and who is not sure what he wants. it's pointless emotional torture for you. you'll still be working with him though, so if you can stay friends without getting your feelings messed up, stay friends with him, but that's all. stop meeting him halfway in his games, stop placing your hand on his thigh if an opportunity arises, don't hold hands with him, do not get drunk with him and end up in the same bed cuddling again. it'll all fuel his games while you get pulled in emotionally to the point where you might find yourself developing feelings for him and that's when you're really in trouble.

an ultimatum, like some suggested, will not work with people like that, because they are not confident in what it is they want and therefore cannot make up their mind. they will keep on playing these games that serve for nothing but get you confused and drained.

so i would let him go and start looking for somebody else. if he figures himself out, he'll know where to find you, but it's highly unlikely he will do that.