When is it okay to pick your boyfriend over your best friend?

Recently my boyfriend has had to be a bit of a distance away so we have been unable to see each other for about two weeks. I'm a physical person so I tend to get upset if I feel like he's not giving me enough attention like phone calls and occasional texts and such. Call it needy, whatever. So we had an argument and I wanted to vent to my friend. I tell her when things are going good and also when things are going bad. She hasn't met him yet and has only talked to him a couple times and she swears he's not right for me, that I deserve better and that he's deceiving me but of course when I ask her how she knows she's got nothing. It's really putting strain on the relationship because we have since made up and she still swears he's treating me bad and I don't see it, and she says she's doing internet research on him to see if he's got some kind of profile talking to other girls behind my back. She really hates him and doesn't have reason for this. She was also super involved with the end of my last relationship too and she was right about him. I just think that she's overreacting and jumping to conclusions. I don't know if I can be friends with someone who is hell bent on me being single or trying to find dirt on my boyfriend. She should be supportive of the fact things are okay now. She's married with two kids and another on the way, I don't know how she has time for this crap. My boyfriend and I have talked about getting engaged soon and I don't think that I can have her as my maid of honor knowing they have such animosity towards each other. Input?

 

In my experience friends can often feel and say that the partner of their friend is never good enough.

Couples have ups and downs, all human relationships do. If your friend was mature she would know this and would not advise you against your relationships but would instead give you advice on how to better the situation.

It is up to you, not your friend, to decide whether or not he is right for you.

This is the problem with sharing personal information about one's relationship with their friends. The friends will see the partner with bias.

 

Usually your friends have shitty input about everything you do. They will always disagree or find some kind of problem. Most of the time they do it to protect you... when in fact they are hurting you. If you and your boyfriend have talked about being engaged, don't worry about her being the maid of honor. If she is your best friend, she will support you when that time comes. Just do you and go with what you want. Respectfully disagree with your Best friend, And do what you want. Listen to you. No one else feels the way you do.

 

Thanks. I hope things will blow over by then. Because knowing all the stuff she's said about him, he really dislikes her now. Before he respected her as my best friend but now he feels attacked so he doesn't want to deal with her. She even deleted and blocked him on facebook like he was going to go after her and he's not that type.

 

You shouldn't have to pick your boyfriend over her. She's the one being difficult. Talk to her. Your boyfriend is a big part of your life now and she needs to have respect for you and the choices that you make, including who you see. She doesn't have to like him but she needs to grow up for the sake of your friendship. What she's doing is insulting and she certainly needs to stop with the 'research'. It isn't normal, it's pretty freaky actually.

 

You'd be best to take the issues between you and your boyfriend up with him and not your best friend.

 

Significant others and best friend problems... Inevitable.

 

I have talked to him about it, he's pretty upset at the accusations and swears he loves me and would never lie to me.

 

You have to trust someone if you're going to be with them. If you can't or won't trust the person you're with, you're wasting their time.

 

She can trust him. The issue is the friend with the problem who needs to either come up with a proper reason for hating him so much or shut her trap.

 

Right

When I was in high school and I started dating my first girlfriend, all of my friends came up with reasons as to why I shouldn't be dating her. She was a very nice girl and was more than friendly to all of them.

After two years of dating her they stopped saying shit all except for one of them. That one "friend" was the one guy I knew who hadn't yet gotten laid at that point. Just a coincidence? I didn't think so.

 

Thank you for setting that straight. I do trust him, I have a problem with my friend saying these things when she really has no reason to.

And lunarverse, what do you mean? I don't get where you're going with the situation with your old girlfriend..

 

maybe you shouldn't talk shit about your boyfriend to your best friend and talk shit about your best friend to your boyfriend, and they won't feel like they have to hate each other for you.

i'm also a little confused as to what texting has to do with being physical, but i think that's irrelevant anyway.

 

You make no sense.

 

If you are having difficulty, it is your learning that is suspect, not his.

 

My two cents.

I hated my best-friends girlfriend when they were dating. I was young and jealous because I cared about my friend. Eventually I realized that she made him very happy and this made me happy. Even though at the time I thought she was bad for him she end up becoming a great friend of mine over time. The two actually had their first kid about a month ago.

So, my answer is yes. You can choose your boyfriend over your bestfriend. She will need to get use to it.

 

Thanks Zenblue.